Love and Heartbreak week
Che Che-etc
Thankfully it sounded nothing like the original by The Beatles. Rather, it sounded a whole lot better. "Will he be here tomorrow?" said Wally Murs, attempting a clever pun.
Anton Stephans
This effort was rather forgettable. Vocally it was questionable. The most entertainment came from Nick Grimshaw holding his own in a mildly awkward exchange with Simon Cowell in the aftermath.
4th Impact
"Next up, my four little sassy pants," announced Cheryl Tweedy. We saw the VT and then the four dressed like The Stylistics were on stage. The wailing was on cue. CCTV argued against Simon, claiming the theme did not allow her to provide a basis for the four to show individuality. The over-made-up Cheryl Cole Tweedy Versini struggle to make her pleas through the barricade of red lipstick.
Lauren Murray
"This week I'll be singin' We Belong Togevva," announced the girl whose mouth never closes. Sadly we had to enjoy a second dose in one night of Mariah Carey. Listening to the wailing pitch wore me out in seconds. "That vocal is so natural to you," said CCTV, making no sense at all. "She absolutely smashed that vocal," said Rita Borer. "Obviously it's Mariah, innit," said Lauren to Flack.
Mason Noise
Horrendous. "You're finally kind of sitting into your vibe," said Rita - WTF? "I had fun," said Mason to Simon when asked how he thought it went. That said it all, because having fun is a completely pathetic and meaningless contribution to anything. It has no bearing at all on whether a performance was decent or not.
Louisa Johnson
Blimey, she can sing! Amazing. Of course, CCTV had to use the word "vocal" in her comment. She is on a run that's better than Jamie Vardy's goal-scoring feat, going for consecutive mentions.
Reggie 'N' Bollie
Can no one acknowledge that the singing is dire? This is X-Factor, and unless the X stands for 'Fun', then there is no point in anyone trying, or in the critiques after each act concludes its performance. "The vocals were a bit iffy at the beginning," said Cowell. Too right. "Pure escapism," said Grim. Yes, it was certainly that.
Backstage With Wally - This came to nothing, and the sole bit of information gleaned was that it was 'tense'.
"The act with the least number of votes," muttered Flack, confirming ignorance of the English language. Then it was time for Sheeran and Rudimental. Someone needs to give the cleaners a decent bonus for clearing up the mess in the studio.
The ad-break included the touting of the latest Olly Murs hits album, with the on-screen footnote/caveat of "While Stocks Last". What a pointless inclusion.
Everyone took to the stage for voting, and Flack announced them in turn. I was strangely amused by her intro of "Simon Cowell and the remaining over".
"One of you has received the fewest number of votes," said Flack, reconfirming her inability to speak English. That person was Mason Noise, and he was out. As a parting threat, we were left in the knowledge that tomorrow, Wally Murs is singing.
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