"We invite you to sit back, relax and enjoy the flight."
[ RYANAIR ]
Needless to say that this constantly used phrase is a complete wind-up. On each and any Ryanair flight, you will be invited to do these three things at least three times, despite all of them being beyond the reach of anyone with an active brain.
Sit back - hardly feasible considering there is no cunting room to sit forward, and thus no position from with to move backwards, as if the suggestion to do so has not occurred. The minimal space means the sitting back option does not actually exist.
Relax - another piss-take, considering the fuckers running the show are incessantly touting shit, everything from drinks and snacks to phonecards, cigarettes, perfumes, cosmetics and gadgets, scratchcards and hot food. Further, there is always at least one cunt within earshot whose life story has apparently been demanded by the twat sitting in the next seat, thus allowing a constant cunting chatter at 109 decibels.
Enjoy - the final insult, as if the cattle-market, touting and rip-off prices were not irritants that prevent any enjoyment. Then there is the inevitable over-enthusiastic person in charge of the cabin. There are two options. (1) a woman with a high pitched voice that via your ears manages to petrify your bone marrow, while believing that the sing-song delivery makes her sound more natural! or, (2) the gay perfume-wearing chap who has ironed his jacket four times, and practised both his best mince and his affected speaking style ready for hogging the tannoy. Aside from all of this, there will be a sufficient number of obese people on the plane to ensure that at a minimum of two stages in the journey, a big fucking arse will loom and get within 30mm of your nose, and another arse will effect a bodily assault as it smashes into either your shoulder, head or arm, as you innocently occupy your aisle seat.
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