Assange (n.) An affront or outrage; a cause of anger, disgust or frustration. A display or action which causes any of the aforementioned.
BBC (abr.) Biased Broadcasting Corporation.
Bieberism (n.) The art of acting like a complete cunt. Derived from (Justin) Bieber's actions, particularly in 2013.
Bingo (n.) Pointless game which comes in far too many cunting varieties, for example: Foxy~, Wink~, Sun~, Gala~, Mecca~, Kitty~ to name just a few out of many dozens.
Blairism (n.) An obsession to earn money, promote oneself, trample on others, deny any wrongdoing and generally be a self-serving shit while lauding it over all others, all the time adopting hypocrisy as an underlying trait. Thought to have been named after Tony Blair, although some argue that Cherie Blair has an almost equal claim on being the subject of the term.
Clegg (n.) Like a clog but more wooden and less useful.
Cleverley (adv.) In a manner or style that is anything but clever - in fact the very opposite. Eg. Tom cleverly kicked the ball for Manchester Utd and wasted it.
Coast (n.) Television programme on BBC2 which has been filling schedules for years, despite there being a finite amount of fucking coast to wander along.
Collective Noun (n.) The name of a number or collection of people or things taken together and spoken of as one whole. A collective noun is SINGULAR, despite the fact that 8-out-of-10 cunts get this wrong. For example, and to Quote Jeremy Paxman on University Challenge: "The next set of questions are on music." Clearly this proves he's as thick as most. So, to give an example of proper usage: "The snatch of cunts is useless." [Snatch being the collective noun for a set of cunts]
Cricket (n.) What something just is not, if that something is unfair, unsporting or simply wrong.
Dawn (v.) To diet unsuccessfully, thought to come from the French.
Dermott (n.) Something or somebody particularly dreary, thought to be a term linked to Dreary O'Leary.
DFS (abr.) Dire Fucking Sofas, and a trade name for a company selling such. The relentless haranguing of the public to buy over four years has turned sofa-buying into a national sport in the UK.
Ecclestone (n.) A crystalline concretion (similar to a gallstone) that pisses off the sufferer, who will acquire an Ecclestone through exposure to ludicrous levels of richness mixed with bad taste, and a repugnant attitude. The main cause of this awful state is exposure to Tamara, who only lives in another world in the metaphoric sense, sadly.
Fern (v.) To supposedly diet successfully, and to claim weight loss through diet and exercise while actually cheating. Having a gastric band fitted on the sly is the preferred method, as demonstrated in the 'Britton' technique.
Fewer (adj.) A word that sadly gets a shit deal, wrongly losing out to "less" because thick cunts don't know the difference.
Flanagan (n.) A word meaning a severe clanger. It is now commonly accepted that dropping one is termed "doing a Flanagan". The term comes from the pathetic creature known as Helen Flanagan, whose abilities, awareness, sensitivity and intelligence are all wanting. Actually, not so much 'wanting' as existing purely as "trace", just like certain ingredients are listed on food packaging now.
Forsythe (n.) A depressingly shit joke that's so tired it ought to be put down by a vet. Takes its name from Bruce, who has spent most of his career extolling the virtues of his own lame jokes despite the groans that have echoed around him for thirty years now.
Gok (n.) Someone you've got to do something with or find something to do with. A Gok is a generic term synonymous with 'nuisance', and applies most commonly when a person is under contract but has no real use anymore, meaning that employers must be creative. Gok's are commonly forced upon people (especially in the media and in broadcasting) who sooner or later will resent the presence.
Grammar (n.) Something that is sadly not used as commonly as it should be.
Halifax (v.) To sing obsessively for no logical reason about things that ought never to be sung about.
Homage (n.) Pretentious mispronunciation of a word in an attempt to retain Frenchness when there's absolutely no need to do so. This extends to a stupid non-English sound as well as a change of stress from the first to the second syllable. [This should not be pronounced om-ARJ ever]
Ipswich (n.) A place where one can change an IP address.
Jackpot Joy (n.) A misleading term that denotes no fucking joy at all, especially if presented in association with a 'Windsor' (see separate listing).
Jimmy (n.) A type of Nail.
Kinnock (v.) To milk the system for all it is worth, and make stupid amounts of money for doing little more than nothing. Kinnocking is popular in South Wales, and in Europe. A two-pronged attack on funds is known as a 'Double Kinnock'. Criticism of Kinnocking is known as 'Kinnock Knocking'
Knock Knock (n) An instance of two people Kinnocking (otherwise known as a 'Double Kinnock').
Lambert Talk (n.) A mumbling, inaudible monotone from the mouth of Paul Lambert, the manager of Aston Villa FC. Rarely can anyone understand what he is attempting to say, and when occasionally the words are audible, they make little or no sense.
Lambeth Walk (n.) A song from the 1937 musical "Me and My Girl".
Meerkats (n.pl.) Small ubiquitous, annoying cunts.
Miley (v.) To go from one extreme to the other, especially in terms of behaviour and good taste, pushing things to the limit by being sluttish and attention-seeking. The best example of this is the switch by Miley Cyrus from "Hannah Montana" to "Complete Slut & Tramp".
Mullerlicious (adj./sl.) Processed to fuck and neither tasty nor nutritious.
Nigella (adj.) Like a victim; seemingly victimised.
Olympics 2012 (n.pl.) Last year's Little Chef meals.
Outlet (n.) Pretentious word for 'Shop' and actually should be removed from the English language because there's absolutely no need or reason or justification for this word. As for anything described as a 'factory outlet', that's simply a 'fucking shop'.
Prism (n.) An obsession with PR.
Queries (n.pl.) Questions about homosexual fairies.
Rap (n.) A missing initial letter 'C'.
Rihanna (N.) Well known singer whose ubiquity is nauseating, and whose life choices have been described as questionable after she resumed a relationship with Chris Brown. She sets an appalling example to fans, especially her younger female followers, and seems desperate to display herself in provocative poses via Twitter. She was perhaps one of the first to 'miley'.
Skrtel (n.) A severe lack of vowels.
Suarez (n.) A set of teeth that contains extra incisors and the collective likes in unison to chomp sporadically on other people for no apparent reason.
That's A Very Good Question (Phrase) Pointless, unnecessary utterance from someone who instead of answering decides to be patronising whilst stalling for time. Use of this phrase marks the user as a tosser, and (most often) as a politician.
Trivago (n.) Method of booking a hotel stay - only in Barcelona, though.
Tweedy (n.) Someone who decides to retain her adopted name rather than her maiden name, despite divorcing, because it is advantageous - either because it sounds better or provides other benefits in self-promotion. Best exemplified by Cheryl Cole.
Undertaker (n.) 1 - One who buries the dead. 2 - One who wants to end up dead by overtaking on the inside lane.
Usain (n.) A type of bolt.
Virginity (n.) A particular bearded look, one with a close resemblance to Richard Branson.
Wantaway (n.) A pathetic word for a pathetic individual, and the literal meaning is 'greedy cunt', based on the Wantaway simply wanting to move away from the current environment for more money. The main realm for this term is sport, and most particularly football. (adj) implying that the person concerned wants to get away from the current environment, or club in respect of football, because he's a greedy cunt.
Windsor (n.) 1 - A type of knot into which a tie may be fashioned. 2 - An annoying-as-fuck voice that is allegedly a 'national treasure' but of course is nothing of the sort. A grating and horrendous assault on human ears, especially in association with 'Jackpot Joy'.
Wonga (N.) Company with no ethics and serving its own interests by charging interest at over 5000% on loans. Sadly 'endorsement' has come from Newcastle United FC, whose acceptance of sponsorship displays a completely fucked-up sense of responsibility.
Working Men's Club (n.) Establishment where the main qualification/criterion for membership or attendance is in fact NOT working.
X-Factor (N.) Television show that sets out to dominate the TV schedules for three-and-a-half months of the year, and create vast wealth for ITV and Simon Cowell. The programme is far too much about the judges instead of the talent spotting, and manipulation is rife. Dermot O'Dreary presides over the presentation, while tired lines are fed to the public by overpaid twerps, eg. Louis Walsh.
Yaya (n.) 1 - A female yoyo from Manchester.
Yazz (prep. & adv.) Up.
Zero (n.) The amount of taste in a Diet Coke.
Zidane (n.) A head butt.
Zinedine (adj.) Severe and/or nasty.
...
No comments:
Post a Comment