This is a delayed post of my observations from last week's shenanigans just ahead of tonight's offering from the tampered-with world of ITV and X-Factor. My ears were assaulted by pathetic utterances, and I wondered whether to stick my head in the oven.
Saturday
Thomas The Tank Engine (TTT) otherwise known as Gary Barlow, was able to deliver in deadpan style: "I'm so excited" while looking and sounding anything BUT 'excited'.
Kingsland 'performed' although I would take the case to the European Courts if I had to, to contest this view, and the comments afterwards included:
"A lot of thrustations" from Nicole Scherzinger, who drawled and talked shite with non-English.
"This could be the start of the rest of your lives" from Louis Walsh (aka the Elf) and I was numbed by the inanity of this outburst from the twat.
Rough Copy 'sang' complete bollocks and 'rough as fuck' was my assessment of the contribution to the evening. This warbling tosh was applauded by the judges, though, and I lost faith in any objectiveness that I'd hoped lingered in the vicinity of the X-Factor roadshow. Nicole exemplified the shite with:
"Now that's what I call a Rough Copy experience" which of course was a meaningless comment.
Liddia & Ryan was the freak input for the evening, and clearly we were all supposed to be outraged at the nerve and uselessness of the duo. What a pity that the increasingly annoying Nicole referred to them as "Liddi and Ry" in her comment. Stupid woman. TTT managed to do rather better with his input:
"You couldn't get a gig in an empty pub." Well done TTT.
"You are the two most deluded people I've heard all day" was the Elf exclamation.
These quotes were topped by the two twats who avoided any sense of talent, when Liddia said: "We're off to The Voice." Good luck, love.
Giles was presented to us after a VT showing him with his mum and dad in the queue. Twee. He was a nice chap, and told us: "I've been waiting for this all my life" and we learned that he was/is only 16 years old!
Lydia Lucy was good, though she shouted a bit. The worst element was/is her name.
Nicholas McDonald seemed a nice chap. The 16-year-old was asked 'Why do you want to be a pop star?' by Elf, and the answer was "Because I'm rubbish at school." TTT voted 'No' while the other three got it right with 'Yes'.
Stephanie Woods last appeared when she was 14 years old and got to see Sharon Osbourne's house - unlucky girl. Now aged 20, she sang and was excellent. TTT showed his dimness with "There is improvements to be made." Sharon said, "I feel so old" and Elf responded with his funniest retort: "You are old."
Samantha Harper wanted to be as big as Beyonce, and J-Koda was fucking awful - TTT commented: "TFZ - Talent Free Zone". Aaron Dale was dead wood and exited via the toilet door. Then we had Souli Roots, a waste of space who somehow managed to endear the judges to her (except for TTT who said: "It might feel good, it just doesn't sound good." He was so right; it will never win so WTF is the point of patronising the wacky woman?
James McDonald, the Nottingham bus driver was good enough, as was Louise Harper with her guitar. Then Next of Kin managed to bring out the superlatives from the judges. Elf = 'Big' Sharon = 'Huge' TTT = 'Massive' Nicole = 'Absolute'. TMWSC = 'Good'.
Sunday
Souli Roots was diafuckingbolical, yet got a "Good job" from Nicole, and "We need some more reggae on X-Factor" from Elf. Yes, Elf, but not noise. Only TTT got it right with a 'No'.
Lydia Lucy took a big risk and managed to stand out. Nicole was surprised, and said: "Where did you come from?" "Essex" was the funny answer.
Jeanette Akua wasn't on the Saturday show (?) but was interesting. Lucy McGuire was also new but awful, as was Emily Felix. These were the token acts that were needed for the balance of the show to be right. So far everyone on the Saturday show was going through after the follow-up performance. James McDonald managed to be a generally good singer who got only one 'Yes' and went home. Whilst he was good but not a winner, he was so much better than Souli Roots who did get put through! WTF?
Kingsland got through despite the vocals being off a lot of the time. It seems there's a lot of 'tolerance' when it suits. Next of Kin showed some talent and went through, as did Nicholas McDonald, who did himself proud.
Sadly, the ad breaks included yet more of Dermot O'Dreary, plugging Muller Light yoghurt.
...
No comments:
Post a Comment