3.3 13 Dancing On Ice - The Semi-Final

Well, I say 'Dancing' but of course half of the input is more "Floating Above" considering the contestants had to fly through the air this week.  I missed Tony Gubba; the replacement guy is simply not as good.  Here are the double updates.

Scary Face

Matt & Brianne

The 'Gubba replacement' mentioned in his round-up the "assisted butterflies" and the "diving dolphin" which didn't tell us much about what had just gone on. The score was 39 points, and to be fair, there was nothing that went wrong at all in the routine.

Amazing performance, and Brianne is most definitely the best partner any bloke could have - for skating as well.  The Gubba-replacement told us about the "Floating belt" and the "Platter lift", as Matt managed to score 39 points again.

Beth & Dan

Beth's pathetic comment, "Do it for the girl power" was infuriating!  Fucking 'girl power' bollocks (is that an oxymoron?) has no place at all in life!  Twat, Tweddle!  In the Gubba-replacement round-up we had: "It was a case of the beast unleashed" and I wondered what beast we were supposed to envisage; hopefully he was not referring to Beth.  33.5 points was respectable, although boring.  Ashley referred to fucking "girl power" before adding the equally shite comment, "Good job".

The funniest part was Jason's comment: "You're dead behind the eyes" which was then retrieved in part by Christopher Dean, with: "She comes so prepared and works so hard."  Thanks, Chris, lovely fence-sitting and smoke-blowing.

Luke & Jenna

This was at best okay, and unfortunately I am simply fed up with Luke.  In the first couple of minutes of the programme, in the preamble, Luke said: "For me it's 100% or nothing."  Nothing will do, Luke; trust me - you're not going anywhere.  We were reminded, inevitably, by Bloody Bleakley about Luke's boxing efforts with: "He's an Olympic Boxing Champion who'd like to add this title to his collection" and in the round-up, the Gubba-replacement mentioned, after the predictable: "The gloves are off" and reference to: "Luke's lunge".  Is this a tourist attraction in the West Country?  Jason scored 6.5 but Luke said: "We got three eights so I'm happy with that."

I was rather more impressed that the Gubba-replacement was geographically aware of the Northeast, despite its irrelevance, when he mentioned the "Angel of the North lift" on the second skate.

Gareth & Robin

33.5 points for a reasonable performance.  In case we were in any doubt, Ashley helped us all when she confirmed during her input: "You are a rugby player."  Thanks, Ashley - good job!

Part Two - sick note


Part Two - The Skate Off

Luke managed to get through to the final on the back of Gareth not managing to skate again.  Gareth being unwell meant a bit of padding, with the finalists having to show their 'save me' skates.  No bad thing.  Sadly Matt mentioned after skating that he'd been on 'journey'.

Beth and Dan had a go as well, with a James Bond tune, Live and Let Die.  Luke then skated, and did marginally better than he did linguistically, after his earlier effort|: "We've performed to my best of ability."  Hmmmmmmmm . . . . .

Ironic, isn't it, that the programme format falls to pieces and Gareth leaves the competition because whilst he most certainly can dance on ice, he cannot manage to fuck about in the air above the ice.  Harrummf !!!

This week, then, the best performances were:

1 - Torvill & Dean
2 - Matt & Brianne

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