How confusing are the straplines on bags of potatoes! I have just been considering my options, and trying to choose between Piper Maris and British White Potatoes. The Pipers are apparently suitable for Roasting, Baking, Mashing and Chipping [the last of which I do not believe is a real word in the sense that it is meant]. The British ones are, as the general term seems to suggest, "Suitable for all types of cooking method". I pondered for a moment, trying to work out the difference between the two types and which one to opt for; I was struggling to think of what else one could do with a spud. Then to my left, I saw a bag of Red Rooster potatoes. They were apparently suitable for Roasting, Baking, Mashing and Steaming. Not 'Chipping' though. The steamers of the world would be pleased, of course, but the chip eaters would feel miffed with the Red Roosters.
This led me to conclude that the 'Multi Purpose' British potatoes were more versatile than the Piper Maris, because they were suitable for all types of cooking method, and that must surely include the newly added category of 'steaming'. I was about to pick them up, but my eye was caught by the cheapest supermarket 'value' spuds on offer, in a large bag. On the front, there was no clue to the versatility of the contents; 'Potatoes' was apparently enough information for any customer to have - except for a small note that said:
"Conventionally Grown - Reducing, Banning and Controlling Pesticide Use"
What the fuck does that mean? Which of the 3 completely different approaches was supposedly being endorsed by these potatoes. Were the contents coated in pesticide, but in a controlled way? Were they free of pesticide because the farmer had been banned from using it? Were they just tarnished with a smidge of pesticide because the growers were on a programme to reduce usage? As for 'Conventionally Grown', I was lost on what other options there are. Injected with steroids? Bathed in Baby Bio? Hand-reared by Tibetan monks? Digitally engineered? I steered clear of this product, wondering if in fact the contents were actually potatoes! I went to the till with the 'Multi Purpose' ones and a smaller bag of 'New Potatoes', which contained no clues on how they could be attended to, other than a note to say 'Delicious, hot or cold'. I had picked up four onions as well, and waited in line.
I left the shop to discover that I'd been overcharged by 11p for the onions, but a glance over my shoulder through the shop front window revealed a likely ordeal in getting attention. I decided to write off the 11p, and instead made my way back home, trying to decide whether "sauteed" potatoes deserved to have their own classification alongside baked, chipped, roasted, steamed and boiled. I was further diverted in my head by whether "Microwaving" could be classed as a way of cooking. The other methods required a hob or oven as a means to achieve the end result, but a microwave produces a microwaved potato. However, some people choose not to bake a potato in an oven to get a jacket potato, but instead use a microwave and that would render 'Microwaved' as a misleading term - I think. Anyway, all of this waffle leads me to Waffles; where do they come in? Suitable for 'Waffling'? For that matter, crisps are made from potatoes, and should be considered - so 'Crisping' could as easily be included as 'Chipping'.
All this made me rather hungry.
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