6.6.11 The "Up To" Con

It's all to do with making seemingly fantastic claims whilst actually not making any real commitment or promise at all.  In other words, conning us. 

Giving your dog Chewy Stix can reduce the build up of Tartar by up to 80%

So, the very best possible result from your regular purchases of Chewy Stix will be a build up at a fifth (20%) of the normal rate.  However, there may be no effect at all; the "up to" caveat could mean there's absolutely no benefit, or certainly a much reduced benefit - anywhere between a 1% and 80% reduction in tartar.  Of course, claiming "an average 40% reduction" doesn't sound that good, does it?

The Steam-the-fuck-out-of-your-floor cleaner kills up to 95% of bacteria

But it may only kill a few.  I think you're getting the message.  Retailers like us to rush to their summer sales, where we can save "up to 70%".  Rarely is the item you or I want available at such a saving.  No, the lame Christmas decoration going for 60p instead of £2 means the retailer can label as "up to 70%" the whole fucking event.  Now there's a word that retailers just love to use for their crappy touting of merchandise.  I don't think that half-price on a selected range of sofas (ie. the ones that are twice the price they should be in the first place) is much of an event.

The other words to look out for are "could" and "should", which are less alarming or hopeful than "might".

Shitty Shakes could help you lose up to 12lbs in your first week

This translates as: "It might help you lose weight, but might not, and if you do lose any, it could be anything from an ounce to twelve pounds"

By the way, a product that's Half Fat is hardly good for you because some fucker has halved the amount of heart-attack-inducing ingredient.  It simply means you're eating less fat per mouthful, but probably too many mouthfuls anyway.  Just like "90% fat free" sounds good, but actually means the item is 10% fat!

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