3.5.14 March & April Quotes

A rather late posting of the mixture of rubbish and amusement that caught my ear in March, combined with April's utterances.


1   - "Sometimes a ten-minute touch-up is all it takes."  [Nice 'n Easy advert]

2   - "I don't eat cherries; I work around them."  [TMWSC]

3   - "It's always a little bit tempting sometimes."  [Andy Townsend]

4   - "The ball was intended to go big."  [Andy Townsend]

5   - "They've been really poor, Galatasaray, really poor . . . . . . . average."  [Andy Townsend]

6   - "They made it a very pain free service."  [Twat on an Automoney advert, qualifying 'pain free']

7   - "I'm gonna give it a hundred million percent."  [Sarah on The Voice, rather overdoing it - still not enough, though, as she went out]

8   - "There's an ambition from both sides to play rugby today."  [Moron commentating on a Wales v Scotland rugby match that was about to start]

9   - "I always imagine they are quite skinny people."  [Jess, regarding Italians]

10 - "I don't even get the point of this; what are they all doing?"  [Jess, unimpressed by rugby scrums]

11 - "With scenes of injury and medical intervention, it's Student Nurses, Bedpans and Bandages."  [Continuity announcer on TV, with a line I simply found funny]

12 - "I think they've shown why they were pre-season favourites before this season got underway."  [Steve Claridge - when else, Steve?]

13 - "I hope they help us as they move up the pyramid ladder."  [Bloke talking about Celtic (Carlisle) helping the fortunes of the Carlisle team]

14 - "For 75 minutes they didn't lay a glove on the opposition."  [Jason Roberts on Final Score, regarding a football match]

15 - "Hello to anyone in my family that knows me.  [Silly billy on Radio 2's Pop Master quiz]

16 - "Enjoy HD TV viewing from the comfort of your own home."  [Panasonic advert, unnecessarily mentioning location]

17 - "If it doesn't fit in my pocket, I don't need it."  [Liam's simple life philosophy]

18 - "It's quite easy to not hit a sheep."  [Jess]

19 - "Excuse me a minute, I've got to swab me armpits."  [Al]

20 - "I wondered if you'd kept my number for prosperity."  [Old customer who meant 'posterity']

21 - "Absolute zero must be maintained to prevent prompt criticality."  [Ludicrous sign on the wall, in The Man with the Golden Gun]

22 - "Sergio Aguero is imminent."  [Football commentator; is he indeed!]

23 - "City are struggling of ideas."  [Andy Townsend]

24 - "Blackburn have got players that can handle the ball."  [Surely only the goalkeeper, Andy?]

25 - "He very nearly give it away."  [Andy Townsend, trying to out-Shearer Alan Shearer for sounding stupid]