This week's TV Guide proves that the TV channels in this country have become obsessed with colons, although none more so than Channel 5. I suspect the twats in charge at Channel 5 have decided to follow the 'Columbo' format and got carried away. In the vast majority of cases, the programme titles are pathetic, and the extra explanation after the colon is not necessary. I accept that in the case of a film (F) including this punctuation, there's no real control, but all the more reason for other features to avoid jumping on the shitty bandwaggon. Let me demonstrate by listing the programmes for this week, by channel.
Channel 5
McBride: Anybody Here Murder Marty? (F)
Columbo: Mind Over Mayhem (F)
Columbo: Dagger of the Mind (F)
Jesse Stone: Death in Paradise (F)
Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun
Columbo: The Most dangerous Match (F)
Criminals: Caught on Camera
Shops and Robbers: Britain's War on Shoplifters
Law & Disorder: Catching Crims Live *
Closing Time: Newcastle After Dark
Autopsy: Whitney Houston's Last Hours
Killing Spree: Terror in Paradise
Columbo: Blueprint for Murder (F)
Police Interceptors: Stop & Search
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!; Final Demand **
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
True Crimes: The First 72 Hours
Raoul Moat: Northumbria Rampage
Britain's Crime Capitals: Crime Map
Columbo: Dead Weight (F)
Running Riot: Britain's Teen Criminals
The NCIS Movie: Shell Shock
Columbo: Death Lends a Hand (F)
Webcam Girls: At Your Service
Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels: Soho Blues
* Use of the term "Crims" is fucking pathetic
** The double punctuation is fucking criminal!
Channel 4
Return of the Black Death: Secret History
A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun
The Truth about Lo Fat Food: Channel 4 Dispatches
Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade
12 Year Old Lifer: True Stories
Alan Carr: Chatty Man Grand National Special
The £60,000 Puppy: Cloning Man's Best Friend
Music on 4: Music Nation
Food Prices: The Shocking Truth
Alan Carr: Chatty Man
BBC2
James Martin: Home Comforts
Formula 1: Bahrain Grand Prix Qualifying Highlights
Inspire: The Olympic Journey
Border Country: The Story of Britain's Lost Middleland
Coffee Shop Hot Shots: Business Boomers
Under Offer: Estate Agents on the Job
Golf: The Masters - 2014 Preview
Digby Jones: The New Troubleshooter
Don't Take My Car: Bailiffs Undercover - Panorama ***
Africa's Giant Killers: Natural World
*** That's three fucking titles!
ITV
Law & Order: UK
Columbo: No Time to Die (F)
Martin Clunes: Man to Manta
Piers Morgan's Life Stories: Torvill & Dean
School's Out: Tonight
Exposure: Who's Driving on Britain's Roads?
The Cube: Celebrity Special
BBC1
The Voice UK: The Live Final
Don't Take My Car: Bailiffs Undercover - Panorama
Marine 'A': Criminal or Casualty of War?
This whole approach is simply pathetic, pretentious and piss poor.
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