Last weekend I endured (and I choose this word for good reason) two hours and ten minutes of The Voice, within which was content enough for a programme lasting no more than 90 minutes - and that is being VERY generous. The atrocious padding of the Semi-final was disgusting and despicable - and agony.
The Quarter-final the week before was bad enough. There were, though, some positive outcomes. First, the demise of Georgia was thankfully received on my part. She managed for weeks to mention her cousin, Adele (whom she met once as a kid and has not heard from since) at every opportunity, while stating that she did not want to get on via support from Adele! "It's so nice to have done it on my own," she said, after leaving the competition. Hardly, luv - you've touted the Adele connection non-stop. For the record, Georgia's father is the brother of Adele's grannie; so, cousins once removed. 'Removed' is of course the state of Georgia.
Quarter-final week threw up some funny details in the newspapers after the show. The best one was about Tom Jones, who was feared to be "too dull" by producers, and they tried desperately to get him to up his game. Unfortunately Tom maintained his full dullness throughout the show (well, series now that I think about it) and managed stock answers to most things, delivered in a flat way - while lapping up any adulation floating around the studio, and wallowing in every hint that suggested he might be a "legend". It's a yawn from me - and a yawn from him!
The Semi-final was, as I said, painfully drawn out, with endless recaps, guest performances [well fucking miming!], dumb-ass questions, pandering to the coaches, sycophancy and shite. When Emma and Marvin screamed "Are you ready for this?" at the very beginning, I could never have known that the correct answer was 'No'. Some of the pathetic contributions were:
"You sliced it tonight." [Will.i.am.a.tit]
"Let Bizzi get busy." [Tom 'Comatose' Jones]
"What a great way to start the show." [Emma 'Wailing' Willis with an inspiring and original comment to the first contestant to sing]
"Last week you made my grandson cry." [Tom, to Christina, who perhaps nicked his sweets?]
"You are just incredible at everything you do." ['Wailing' Willis, overdoing the praise a touch]
"Give us your first words of wisdom for the evening." [Willis, sucking up to Will.i.talk.shit]
"This is a crucial time now." [Tom, possible thinking about bedtime, or Horlicks]
Everything said and done by Marvin for the whole show.
It was noted that The Voice is not about the voice, but about other factors as well, even if not the 'X' one. Bizzi was convinced that this was a geographical competition, with support for the idea from Sally. Both are from Leicester, and so this was supposedly a basis for people in Leicester, and perhaps Leicestershire, to vote. What fucking bollocks.
I lost interest as the clock ticked away, and wished that The Voice was on ITV. At least that would have allowed seven or eight breaks at an average of four minutes, so half-hour less of the shit. Conversely, the 130 minutes on BBC1 would have required an ITV slot of rather more significance. In every 15 'ITV' minutes, 3-4 of them are ads or trailers. In effect, ITV would have had to devote 3 hours in its schedule to show the same fucking shite! As for the guests all miming, what a cunting farce!
The contestants were mostly not up to much, other than Christina and Sophie. Christina was rather too loud (I turned the TV down to volume 2 to cope with her) but there's no doubt she's got a good voice - a fact that some might say is relevant. That might seem a daft thing to say, but the quality and originality of a voice is not always taken into account - as in the case of Sophie. Being ejected was hardly fair, and she went the way of Iesher the week before. Will.i.ever.get.it.right has ended up with Jermain, the dated and fucking irritating bloke who wants to be a Labour MP. Perhaps he should be prepared for getting no votes! Will thus managed to lose two people with good voices, and keep the useless one.
Sally sang a song that simply did not suit her, and messed it up. Luckily for her she was up against Bizzi, who busied himself with adding six extra syllables to every word he sang, securing maximum annoyance among the voting public. Jamie beat Lee (yawn) and Christina was always going to beat Chris. The programme's format ensured we have ended up with a farce for the last few weeks, and that whether you get through depends on which team you are in, and who else is in your team. Let me expand.
Four coaches have three singers, so 12 for the Quarter-final. This is the same as the live shows in the X-Factor, but with a major difference. In the X-Factor, whose team you're in is irrelevant; someone (Simon?) decided long ago that talent and votes should count when deciding who stays and who goes. The BBC however has opted to ensure that each coach has the same number of acts, 3,2 then 1 for the Quarter-final, Semi-final and Final, respectively. As a result, we have seen people progress further than they should because of poor competition within their own group, and some better singers going too early because the coach has either made them battle head to head, or the singer unfortunately is in a strong group.
Another factor has been song choice, and the input of the coaches. Will chose 'Let's Dance' for the combined performance, which did no favours for Sophie. Ricky was simply shit, and wasted my time. Kylie sang her singly with a nasal twang and Tom shouted and smiled before resuming his sit-in.
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