The DFS shit that infiltrates households via newspapers is rather tiresome. Glossy A3 sized pages showing the latest 'sale' prices must have cost a fortune to produce, and I've no idea what the company pays newspaper owners to slip the marketing material inside. I am struck by the names chosen for the various items.
The Spritzer
Slightly inappropriate name, as if you spill one, it won't just wipe off. The sofa is not leather, but covered with an absorbent hessian-type material.
The Envy
If you're mad enough to buy this at £499, you will most definitely not be the envy of your friends. A truly ghastly effort that is not worth describing.
The Omega
As the name implies, this is the very last sofa you should choose.
The Walcot
So aptly named, taking inspiration from Theo Walcott, possibly, as the finishing is awful. It's off white and a bit flowery and doesn't quite work.
The Dazzle
£799 for a plain white leather 2-seater sofa that doesn't dazzle.
The Dawson
This is a brown space station masquerading as a sofa. It's a ludicrous lump of who knows what, covered in the hides of seven cows. With £500 off, it's now only three fucking grand!
The Camden
This 4-seater looks horrendous, with a pattern that's an absolute riot.
The Rapier
A strangely named corner sofa, considering it's leather and anything sharper than a staple, let alone a rapier, would be lethal to the covering.
The Mason
As attractive, comfortable-looking and fashionable as a brick.
Don't forget the DFS deals. But would you credit it, though, I've no interest in a sofa being deposited in my room for 4 years. Terms and conditions apply. Remember, the goods may wear out long before you finish paying for them, and that's your lookout/tough luck. 0% APR representative. 0% IQ of store representative.
Strangely, a Harveys catalogue seems to have appeared in the last day or two as well. The various items of furniture have all been named with varying degrees of appropriateness, ranging from none to 'fuck all'. Let's look at some examples:
Eva, Swing, Bel Air, Club, Mistral, Consular, Julpiter and Empire
These are all sofas
Swing, Boat, Calais, Wessex, Alexis, Astoria and Forrester
These are all table and chairs sets
Las Vegas, Hong Kong, Derby
These are swivel chairs with a stool
...
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