It would seem the 'expert opinion' of Dawn Marsden is that she should be dead. This is not a wish, or an aspiration on their part. No, the 'experts' came to this conclusion based on her amazing intake of alcohol. Her consumption of 28 pints of lager every day must be some sort of record, surely? Needless to say, when she appeared in court she was wrecked - to the point of having to ask reporters what sentence she'd just been given. The answer, most stupidly, inappropriately and pointlessly was a six-month conditional discharge.
The habitual thief, from Hartlepool, is a mother (although her two-year-old daughter was taken into foster care because of the boozing, unsurprisingly) and she is, surprise, surprise, unemployed. Let's face it, there can't be too many jobs out there where it's okay to consume 84 units per 24 hours! That's the recommended safe amount for a woman for a month!
Her latest court appearance resulted from her stealing ten packs of bacon from the Co-op. Now, far be it from me to condone any theft, but I'm pretty sure the Co-op itself could have been in the dock, as the price that the Co-op charges for most items could accurately be described as "daylight robbery". The funniest line in this saga, though, was her solicitor's comments to the magistrates:
"You may have noticed my client has a drink problem. She has a long-standing appetite for alcohol."
No shit, Sherlock! An appetite for alcohol? How frightfully debilitating. However, debilitating is hardly the right word, in light of the comments made by her addiction counsellor:
"She should be dead. The reason she isn't is that she has trained her body by drinking every day. She is the equivalent of an Olympic athlete when it comes to drinking."
Some fucking counsellor; he's comparing her to an athlete - and probably petitioning for drinking to be included as a sport in 2012. "She has trained her body" suggests he's impressed with her dedication - stupid arse.
So Britain's drunkest woman has had her child taken away, has a string of convictions for stealing to fund her ludicrous intake of alcohol, spends her life sozzled, and gets let off with a conditional discharge; what was the condition? That she doesn't bother with a nightcap? Apparently, though, she has confirmed that next month she's "going on a detox". I think a complete blood transfusion, and liver transplant might be the only answer.
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Fool
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