I had a brief visit the other day to Middlesbrough Zoo. It's not in the same league as other more well-known zoos, places like Chessington, Edinburgh, or London. Even Chester and Whipsnade have better ones. Nevertheless, I'd advocate a visit, so if you're in the area, try to make time.
I saw a fair few creatures that gave me cause to marvel. A small group of chubby females wandered past me, each with skin predominantly covered not by fur but some sort of cotton-like matter, black and smooth over bulging flab. Some of the markings were a bit wild, and whilst they were no doubt intended to attract those of the opposite sex, the painted faces looked to me rather gruesome.
The young were not well behaved. Most decided to run around, and do everything possible to wind up the parents. Engaging in strange rituals, the families would roam the compound in a surreal manner. The young were irritants to the mothers, who typically called out without effect; occasionally there was an attempt at battery. The males adopted the classic traits of hunter-gatherers, and would leave the family unit to forage, usually returning with something that got a nod of approval. The packs rarely stopped moving, although a few loners did seem to look a bit lost and puzzled by their surroundings. I observed a fair amount of scratching of heads - and scratching of arses for that matter. Occasional squeals seemed to travel towards me from unknown sources.
There were smells that I found distasteful, but that's to be expected in a zoo. Obviously the cleaners had need now and again to mop up sick and shit, something that goes with the territory for a minimum wage and free overalls. I saw a couple of bananas being chewed, and a bird with a bandage struggling to walk towards the edge of the enclosure, looking for milk.
Some of the shells of the fatter animals looked like nylon, although there were a few other patterns to behold. Zebra stripes mixed with leopard spots, but there were few creatures that looked good. The place was overrun, and strangely I felt claustrophobic in the confines of some of the narrow walkways. Still, it was intriguing to observe the habits of so many breathing, squealing, farting, noisy, ugly things, all in one place. Charles Darwin would have struggled to understand how most of them managed to make it through the natural selection process; I suspect he would have concluded that there must have been a parallel system of unnatural selection.
I thoroughly recommend a trip to Middlesbrough Zoo, as it will baffle you, confuse you, disgust you, yet amaze you, and the experience should be educational. It's free to get in, though you're expected to make a purchase from the shop before leaving; there are quite a few tills on the way out, although I couldn't find any postcards to buy.
Directions
Follow the A66 eastwards from the town centre, and after less than two miles you will see on the left the turning and a large sign that's green, with just a few letters:
ASDA
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