1.3.21 DPD Driving Standards

BD67 XYU

This is the registration of the DPD van that was this evening (5.30pm) travelling at 80+ miles per hour on the A19, tailgating, trying to undertake, weaving/lane hopping and doing so in fog, with no lights on.  I am not sure there was much else the driver could have done to increase the basis for 'dangerous driving', other than be on the phone at the same time.  I had no chance to see if this was so.  Clearly the arsehole was hurrying back to the Billingham depot and gave not an ounce of shit if there were any consequences from the appalling 'driving'.  Not so much 'shameful' as cunting outrageous.

.....

26.2.21 What's On TV?

The egos that prevail on TV these days are numerous and annoying.  No longer can a TV programme have a title that simply gives an indication or hint of the content.  No - instead, it seems that the convention has changed to one where the cunt presenting the shite is entitled to have his or her name in the title.  This reinforces the desperation of 'personalities' (NOT 'celebrities') and their clamour for kudos and recognition.  I have avoided noting all the chat shows because the interviewer is of course the basis for the show, but in most other other circumstances, the inclusion of the person's name is either unnecessary or a farce.  Let's have a look at some programmes in the TV Guide.  All of these could be listed as per the orange part, with the person presenting simply being the one doing the job.

Rick Stein's Cornwall

Interior Design Masters With Alan Carr

James Martin's American Adventure

Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway

Sally Lindsay's Posh Sleepover

Jane McDonald: Cruising Scandinavia

Jane McDonald: Cruising Scotland

Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

Frankie Boyle's Tour Of Scotland

Darcy Bussell's Wild Coasts of Scotland

Himalaya With Michael Palin

Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable

Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish

Weird Or What? With William Shatner

Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild

Britain By Bike With Larry And George Lamb

Susan Calman's Grand Day Out In ...

Chris Packham's Animal Einsteins

Darcey Bussell: Looking For Margot

Love Your Weekend With Alan Titchmarsh

Cornwall And Devon Walks With Julia Bradbury

Bradley & Barney Walsh: Breaking Dad

Harry Redknapp's Sandbanks Summer

Joanna Lumley's Home Sweet Home: Travels In My Home Land

George Clarke's Old House, New Home

George Clarke's Build A New Life In The Country

George Clarke's Amazing Spaces

Ugly House To Lovely House With George Clarke

Richard Osman's House Of Games

RuPaul's Drag Race UK

Coastal Railways With Julie Walters

Kate Humble's Coastal Britain

Gregg Wallace's Fun Weekend

Gordon Ramsay's Bank Balance

Brian Johnson's A Life On The Road

Blitz Spirit With Lucy Worsley

Richard Hammond's BIG

Kirstie And Phil's Love It Or List It: Brilliant Builds

Extraordinary Escapes With Sandi Toksvig

Kevin McCloud's Escape To The Wild

Rachel Khoo's Simple Pleasures

John Torode's Australia

Jon Snow's Very Hard Questions

Madhur Jaffrey's Curry Nation

Emma Willis: Delivering Babies In 2020

Kirstie's Fill Your House For Free

Expedition With Steve Backshall

Mortimer & Whitehouse: Gone Fishing

Rick Stein's French Odyssey

Dave Gorman: Terms And Conditions Apply

Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled

Iain Stirling's CelebAbility

Inside Culture With Mary Beard

The Martin Lewis Money Show Live

How To Keep A Healthy Weight With Michael Mosley

Raiders Of The Lost Past With Janina Ramirez

These are just some of the almost limitless supply of programmes where well-known and not-so-well-known people go walkabout.  Paul Merton, Michael Portillo, Chris Tarrant and so many more are annoying us.

-------------------

24.1.21 Earache at Stamford Bridge

A cold Sunday, with not much to do, but Chelsea v Luton is on BBC1 and so with a nice fire warming the room, I settle down to what should be an easy watch.  The 4th Round of the FA Cup was spoiled however, because of the earache I sustained for the full term of the game.

In the commentary box was Karen Carney, whose incessant jabbering was painful on my ears.  The need to talk was relentless, and the tone of her voice is suited not so  much to football commentary but to a torture technique that would make waterboarding a walk in the park, in comparison.

Her pronunciation of 'straight' [shtraight] was of minor concern and left me only mildly 'frushtraited' [as pronounced by KC].  I needed to listen to my Black & Decker sander for five minutes to ease my ears and cleanse myself of her awful pitch and annoying guff. 

...

20.10.20 Shake Ur Body

On the way home from work this evening, I was listening to Radio 2 and was surprised to hear Anita Rani on at 7.00pm, in place of Jo Whiley.  I never thought I'd confirm pleasure at this turn of events, but the avoidance of Jo's gasping faux excitement was a real bonus.  Unfortunately the play list was not up to much though.

WTF?

Shake Ur Body, by Shy FX & T Power, featuring Dianna Joseph was the first song played, and it was dreadful...... fucking dreadful...... cunting dreadful.  There was not the slightest whiff of merit, the slightest hint of creativity, or the slightest snippet of talent in this awful noise.

Dire indeed.  The lyrics were/are as crap as the general sound.  Overall this is a terrible waste of time.

I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
Dance floor(x20)

I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
And the way you look is oh so fine
But there's a problem coz that isn't what you came for
You ain't gonna get away tonight
So I'm gonna be the one to step to you get you in the mood just dance all night
Don't let suspicion, inhibitions get the better of you coz you know the mood is right
Shake you body uptown stomp your feet and spin around
Let the rhythm take control as the beat is takin over your soul
Let the rhythm take control as the beat is takin over your soul

I see ya standing on the corner of the dance floor
I see ya standing on the…

28.9.20 Minutiae - No Small Thing

This morning's Today Programme on Radio 4 included an interview with someone called Adrian Wootton from the British Film Commission.  It was, and remains, of no interest to me or most people, but I mention it now because of two words he included.  In reviewing steps relating to risk and Covid-19, he said people had:

"Gone into the granular minutae"

I have purposely spelled the last word incorrectly, based on the pronunciation.  Aside from me wondering what the fuck it is (granular minutiae) I was baffled by it being said as though spelled:

min-u-thai

So this tautological bollocks, incorrectly presented, was so annoying I just had to note it.  The standard of English and care is not up to much these days, and my despair is topped up relentlessly.  The drop in standards is no small thing.

...

28.9.20 Only Connect

The half-hour BBC2 quiz show, Only Connect, is most definitely the hardest quiz on TV, but it is also the hardest to watch.  This is due to Victoria Coren Mitchell being unwatchable, and yet trumping that quality by being totally unbearable to listen to.

Listen and cringe

It is simply the case that her attempts at humour are painful as fuck, and fail abysmally.  Her attempts at being smug and condescending are a complete success.  Likeability is not so much in short supply as non-existent.

...

26.9.20 Women's Cricket On BBC2

What a painful afternoon it was, watching the cricket on BBC2, England v West Indies.  However, far more of a challenge than watching the game was the absolutely nauseating commentary, provided by nattering twats.

Chatterbox

Cricket commentary has forever been an important element of the game, and the 'understated' approach has always been expected.  Sadly the T20 game I have just witnessed has abandoned any sense of that - and I have had to endure the ramblings and inane shite spouted by Isa Guha.  The quality of the commentary was of marginal interest at most, but the delivery, quantity and relevance of the input from her and her fellow contributors was dire.

Alex Hartley joined in, with a nasal tone that bored me to death, almost, and Jenny Gunn was hardly much better.  There were a couple of blokes whose names I cannot recall (one was Matt) who could have been dispensed with as well.  Someone at the end-of-match review called Henry interviewed Heather Knight, the England Captain, and managed to comment on England's "strength in depth".  It's good to know that pointless jargon and cliches are transferable to the women's game.  Michael Vaughan made a few 'encouraging' comments at the very end.

Isa managed to orchestrate an assault on the ears during the game, and I have decided I cannot watch more women's cricket.  The game itself was a tame affair, 'lame' you might say.  The televising of the game was some sort of landmark, and everyone was making a lot of it.  After the game, Isa was bobbing around, as though she needed a pee, and at one point turned to Alex and asked -

"How crucial is it that .....blah blah?" - she of course lost me at 'How crucial' as such a concept or quantification is ludicrous.

A final comment from me is the new word in the world of cricket - "batter".  Clearly the women cannot follow the convention of the men's game, where the ones who hit the ball are referred to as "batsmen".  The women seem to reject "batswomen" so we have now to call a woman with a wooden thing in her hand a "batter".

Nothing against women of course - I married one!  But even Mrs MWSC was squirming in her chair wishing to a non-existent God that I'd turn over to anything at all.  It's a sad day when anything on ITV Be is better than what you are watching.

...

26.9.20 Are Your Sure, Sir? Sage Advice

No doubt in seeing the heading, you pronounced the third word with a "sh" sound.  This is because that is exactly how the word is pronounced.  However, there is a growing trend to allow an unchallenged spread of this approach so that the sound is rapidly replacing the normal way of speaking,  I have little doubt that you pronounced 'Sir' rather differently - and correctly.

The advert for Sage.com on the television features an annoying bloke waffling on in a claimed poetic style, and in his monologue he hits us with 'Extraordinary', pronounced "Ek-shtraw-din-erry".  For further annoying he injects "Shtrong" instead of 'Strong'.  He is not alone, but he is the most annoying, as he has invaded my living room with his mispronunciation.

Extraordinary!  No Shit, Sherlock

Your advert, Sage, is endorsing this bollocks, so you are culpable.  Get it sorted, please.

Conshumer is another pet hate, and anyone who insists on this being correct is a cunt.  The list of bastardised words is growing quickly though.  Shtreet, shtupid, shtudent, dishtraction, and so many more.

...

19.9.20 Television Schedule

Last week's TV was as terrible as ever, with repeats at a sickening level.  Anyway, my general observations are as follows:

Saturday

Total Wipeout: Freddie & Paddy Takeover
This escapes being classified as a repeat, but it is; these two give a commentary on clips of past shows.  What a weak basis for a TV programme.

Jonathan Ross' Comedy Club
Anything with Ross is a awful - he's a horrible smug person who is not funny.

Jack The Giant Slayer
I did not watch this Channel 5 film, and so will never know if Jack was a rather large slayer of things and people, or if he was normal size and managed to slay a giant.   NB: The Sky Documentaries channel was showing Andre the Giant, at 7.20pm.  Maybe he was a victim of Jack.

Gok Wan's Easy Asian
This is not a proper title for a programme - it's missing a word!

William Shatner's Weird Or What?
I have nothing to add.

Sunday

The Real Housewives Of Orange County
The ITV Be trash is woeful indeed.  I have always considered that the programme tweak the words, to give The Orange Housewives Are Really Cunty.

Find It, Fix It, Flog It
This too could do with a tweak, with one more imperative - Fuck It.

Monday

The Dave channel has lost the fucking plot and weekdays seem to have been the victim of an executive's bit of fun.  The evening line-ups have been saturated with contributions from the same person.  The Monday 'game' was to overload us with Josh Widdicombe. He was on at:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
10:00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
Four appearances!

Tuesday

An appalling couple of food related offerings to note; here are the entries in my guide.

BBC1 8:00 Eat Well For Less?  Two siblings call for backup to help their mum and dad, who've been surviving on sweet treats, snacks and takeaways after a stressful year dealing with bereavement and caring for an elderly relative.  Gregg Wallace shows them how to make a satisfying meal from fresh ingredients without using ready made sauces, while Chris Bavin suggests healthy homemade alternatives to takeaways.  Just study this shite for a moment.  The basis for this programme is utter bollocks, and the uselessness of people to avoid eating crap is matched by the uselessness of the input from the presenters.  Also, why the fuck don't the two siblings fucking sort it themselves?

Channel 4 8:00 Food Unwrapped: Store Cupboard Staples.  Compilation of reports on store cupboard staples, including Kate Quilton taking a look at the secrets behind peanut butter's long shelf life, solving the mysteries of Marmite's famously divisive flavour, and discovering if it's safe to feed cats dog food and vice versa.  Jimmy Doherty travels to Sri Lanka to discover why lentils are sold split rather than whole, and Matt Tebbutt witnesses anchovy fishing off the coast of Italy.  Kate, get a fucking life and do something worthwhile.  Jimmy, just fucking google it.  Matt, was it abduction by the Mafia, and were you forced to witness this awful sight?  Muppet!

Channel 4 10:00 100 Vaginas.  Laura Dodsworth photographs and interviews 18 women, aged between 19 and 77, and asks them about how their vagina has shaped their lives.  First, Laura needs to find something productive to do with her own cunting life.  Second, I am left wondering if there is some sort of anti-Fibonacci Sequence going on (4,10,100,18,19,77).  Third, what the fuck is this link of lives being shaped by cunts?  Fourth, the grammar is wanting at the end, with muddled singular/plural approaches (rectified by changing 'vagina has' to 'vaginas have').

Dave chose Nish Kumar for Tuesday's overdose, with his (six) appearances, on:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Live At The Apollo
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
12:20 Mock The Week

Wednesday

Dave opted for six doses of Lou Sanders, with these components:
6:00 Taskmaster
8:00 Taskmaster
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
12:40 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled

Thursday

It was the turn of Phil Wang - here we go with his six:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Live At The Apollo
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
11:40 Have I Got A Bit More News For You

Friday

Secret Scotland With Susan Calman
Sadly Susan has decided that instead of keeping things secret and herself off our screens, she has set off to give us 10 helpings of her annoying input.  Having wrecked the last series of Great British Menu she is dabbling with her own heritage and geography now.  One to avoid,

Dave pulled out all the stops and lined up SEVEN contributions featuring Sara Pascoe, she of very dubious humour, to wreck the Friday evening viewing:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 QI XL
9:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
9:40 Hypothetical
10:40 Live At The Apollo
11:40 Live At The Apollo: Christmas Special *

* It's cunting September!

...

9.9.20 Jo Whiley Gasps

My drive home from work allows me the option of encountering a Jo Whiley offering on Radio 2, if I want it.  I have to report I have come to the conclusion that irritations have removed the chance of listening to Radio 2 music from 7.02pm.

JW - Artificially short of breath, Mon-Fri

I cannot fathom the presenting style adopted by JW, which involves a gasp between almost every utterance.  The sharp intakes of breath are completely unnecessary.  I believe she feels there is some sort of excitement about her material and the eagerness of listeners to receive the gushing shite over the airwaves.  I have experienced zero 'excitement', zero 'intrigue' and total annoyance.  Can someone at the BBC tell her that she is not a reporter bringing urgent news to the masses, from a burning building.  The false urgency in the delivery of twaddle is ludicrous, and the desperation to deliver the details of what she will be playing, what's going on in her world, and why everything matters (when it doesn't) is perverse.

Take a deep breath, JW, and simply talk properly and steadily ...... please!

...

8.9.20 Dismal Driver Of The Day

This morning I witnessed a most obvious and blatant case of dangerous driving.  Three lanes turning into two (the fast lane ending/merging left) is not a place for a twat to overtake and play chicken in a diminishing space.

YD06 AEB

At approximately 85mph, the small car drove alongside a BMW as the fast lane ended.  I was behind, having pulled in to the middle lane as there was no way to get past the BMW before running out of road.  I witnessed the lunatic dicing with death, about a foot from the BMW and a foot from the central barrier as it squeezed past.  Absolutely mad.

At the roundabout with lights, a mile on, the car queued and I clocked the woman driver, and wondered what possessed her to risk her life and the lives of others.  Stupid cunt.

...

25.8.20 Lenny Henry Disaster

On Radio 4 this evening, at 6.30pm, the BBC aired an horrendous slice of purported entertainment.  In fact, it was lined up as 'comedy' but it was so far from funny that I'd label it cringeworthy.

Awful

The Lenny Henry Show was on the radio not because of a single shred of value, but because it was Lenny Henry doing it.  What a sad day indeed when 'merit' is ignored, and personality is deemed enough by the CIC* to allow such a colossal pile of shit to be shared amongst the population.  Talk about stereo-typical sketches and characters, and a complete obsession by LH with being black, and forcing listeners to wonder what on earth he was going on about.  His characterisations were appalling and unfunny.  Apparently he is back next week, Tuesday 6.30pm.  I will be finding a brick wall to drive at, in preference to this utter crap.  I challenge you to listen to it online, and not conclude like me that this is as bad as it gets.

*CIC = Cunts In Charge)
...

21.8.20 Uptick My Arse!

There is a growing and very annoying rise in the use of the term "uptick" by people who think they are being clever or interesting through use of this shit term.  It seems to have crept into the UK from the USA, and it is an unwelcome visitor to be sure.  If there has been "a slight rise" in something, then that is what has occurred, and there is no fucking need to rephrase as "an uptick".

This morning on Radio 4, Sarah Smith used it regarding the number of Covid-19 cases recorded in Croatia.  Cases have risen, yes, although the definition of 'uptick' being a 'slight rise' is hardly appropriate when the increase in cases of positive tests was significant - from 10 per 100k people to 27 per 100k people.  That is more than a cunting uptick, it's a 170% increase!  The 'tick' element is not helpful, what with its positive connotations.

So overall, I would suggest that "uptick" is a pretentious, twattish, tossy term, and it certainly should not become part of daily twaddle and misused like "epicentre" by just about every fucker in journalism.  As for the comment this morning, I would say that it was an "upfuck", Sarah!

...

21.8.2020 The Top Of Your Lungs?

"Singing along at the top of your lungs" said the woman on the advert for the V Festival, sponsored by Virgin Media.  I understand singing at the top of my voice, but I am struggling to comprehend the concept of the top of my lungs being relevant.

...

18.8.20 Thanks, Martha

On Radio 4 this morning, Martha Kearney was in discussion with a guest and in commenting on the size of something, had to introduce an element of scale.

"So about half the size of an A5 sheet then" was her utterance.  That is an A6 sheet, Martha; the paper sizes follow a logic, which is more than your own approach.  Why pick A5 and then halve it?

Thanks.

...

13.8.20 How Not To Buy A Cunting Oven

The simple comment/answer to this is.............. try to buy from Currys PC World.

One might be forgiven for thinking this large company can get its act together sufficiently well to see a fucking oven.  Alas, I could not succeed in this task, and I was forced to abandon the purchase of a fan-assisted oven.  I 'fannied about' for a while on laptop and phone, trying to gain some input that might be mildly useful.

My existing inbuilt oven has ceased working, and as I bought it from CPCW I thought I'd get the same one.  Pleasantly surprised to find it available, in stock and at the same price, I was all for clicking and paying and collecting tomorrow - as presented to me as the option (delivery not available).  My roast pork dinner tomorrow was assured.

Well, my roast dinner is definitely assured, thanks to Argos/Sainsbury's, and no thanks to CPCW. The heading for this post might equally be written as "How To Not Buy An Oven" as long as you can tolerate a split infinitive; I believe it is justified insofar as "Not Buy" is acting as the verb.  Both interpretations/statements lead to the same thing - no cuntin oven.

I thought I would call the store, but the main number given was not for the store, but a generic message service.  A second number yielded the same fucking thing.  I tried to buy over the phone, pressing option fuck-knows-what-number, and it directed me back to the website.

At my laptop, I thought I'd try Webchat.  This served to rile me further, with a 'Virtual' assistant and this was not virtually anything but useless.  It could not cope with a question at all.  A generic picture of an operator with CUNT tattooed on his/her forehead would have been apt.  Whoever programmed this facility must have had an IQ of about fifty.

Back to the website, and a search for any fucking availability of the oven.

I put in a postcode and store, and the message appeared about nothing available in the nine nearest stores.  I clicked for a further afield search, and after 18, 27 and then 36 stores, fuck all.  So it is cunting out of stock then!  I know this because I entered Birmingham and other locations, and established no availability.  The brand of the intended purchase was Logik.  There was no logic to this fucking online system for buying anything.

Sort yourselves out, you people in charge of CPCW!

...

12.8.20 Curly Wurly Concerns

Something is going on at Cadbury.  Tampering has begun, after many years of stability in Curly Wurly world.  Until now, the standard until of measurement has been 26g.  That's right, 26g has been the weight of a Curly Wurly for as long as I can remember.  I appreciate this is hardly a nice round number, but that aside, the stability was something I was able to appreciate.

Multi-packs have been sold for many years; five in a packet, commonly available at £1.25 or, when on offer, £1.00.  Yesterday in Asda, I was flabbergasted after clocking the new multi-pack, which announced it contained six bars.

I was pleased that there were now 6, for one pound, but was immediately suspicious, expecting there to be foul play involved.  There had to be a catch, so I checked the weights, convinced that there would be some tampering, to reduce the size/weight of the sacred Curly Wurly.  I was correct; no longer was 26g the standard - instead they were 21.5g each.

On what cunting planet is 21.5g a sensible portion size?  Who the cunting fuck at Cadbury decided that it was time, arbitrarily, to piss about with a Curly Wurly?  The CIC* are clearly bored as fuck and thought they would mix it up a bit.

I actually think this is little more than phase one of a plan to fuck the consumer, as ever.  The 5-pack of 26g CWs totalled 130g, and this reconfiguration reduces the weight by a single gramme.  It does nothing to reduce the plastic wrapping, though, as one extra wrapper is now having to be disposed of.

It is only a matter of time before the 6-pack reverts to a 5-pack and the CIC have wangled a net 22.5g reduction in goods for no reduction in price.  That would mean a 17.3% reduction in weight for the same sale price, or an effective 20.9% increase in price.  This is my prediction - let's see how long it takes to come true.

* Cunts In Charge

...

10.2.20 Awful Utterances

I have collected some more examples of pathetic English, grammar and fuckwittery.  Yes, that last word is made up, but considering what so many cunts get away with, I feel I have the right to create a decent way of referring to the culprits.

At this present in time - Dione Dublin

MI5 have published its own version .... Evan Davis R4

It's interesting to note the words choosed - John Sopel

You have to execute accurately - Rugby pundit

When they got the ball they really utilised it - Pundit Kathy (Women's Rugby)

In and around his feet - Alan Shearer (in his feet ??)

In and around the keeper - Martin Keown (in the keeper ??)

You deserve to be in the later half of this competition - Ashley Banjo (meaning latter)

Temperatures still mild - BBC weather .... weather can be mild, but not temperatures

With the wind direction coming from the North East - Louise Lear (the wind comes from the North East, not the wind direction, Louise)

With a cold wind sinking its way in - Lucy Verasamy

The odd bit or piece of rain - BBC1 weather

The costs of wages and rents are cheaper - total claptrap

One of these have got to get it - Stephen Mulhern

The garden is entering into the house - Monty Don

Game over, to all extents and purposes - Chris Sculley (meaning "intents")

Cematoriums - John Irvine ITV News, utterly failing to say "crematoria"

Ausvitch - John Irvine, twice unable to pronounce where he was on ITV News - WTF?

Swindon have retook the lead - Sohail Sahi on BBC1 Final Score

It's very difficult when a child kills themselves - unattributed

Ainsley Harriott's Special Menu

It takes between 10 and 15 years for a tree to bear their fruit

I'm gonna season that up

Just sauteing those off

They're cooking down beautifully

As soon as that starts to melt down (butter in a pan)

It's going to reduce down - let that bubble down

You can see that's reduced right down now

...

25.7.20 A Place In The Sun - Pointless Prats

The usual formulaic approach was presented today, with two people looking for a place in Oliva in Spain.  Their budget was £80,000.  We plodded through the dissatisfaction shared during the viewings of four properties, at which point to bloke decides he is not going to get what he wants at that price, and suddenly the budget becomes £100,000.  So for the final property, the chances of getting them what they wanted were increased nicely.  Why on earth the budget was not £100k in the first place I don't know.  Anyway, it mattered not, because the fifth and final property was seemingly of great interest.  In fact, it was the only one which brought some smiles, and at the review chat afterwards, I learned that they were going to put in an offer.  This was a town house, less than five minutes walk from the central square, with three bedrooms, two living rooms, two decent bathrooms and a massive roof terrace with great views, including the town rooftops and the church.

This pair had taken advantage of the Channel 4 input, to try and help them find something to meet their brief, and after the budget adjustment, this was completely achieved.  So well done, A Place In The Sun.

Oh dear.  I had not warmed to the bloke at all, and should have known that it was all a fucking cunting waste of everyone's time.  I put this down to him, simply because she would be guided by whatever he said - this stood out a mile.  Anyway, having declined four properties, and agreeing to add £20k to the budget, the offer for this perfect match was............... £80,000.  This was the fucking budget they started with!  What was the cunting point of adding £20k and then taking the piss out of everyone - the property owners, Channel 4 and the viewers?

The owners rejected the offer and said the lowest they would accept is £87,000.  That is reasonable, I'd say.  However, it seems that the two perfectly good bathrooms were not to taste and would apparently need replacing, and there were some railings he wanted on the roof terrace (why, I don't fucking know) and there was a 'bit of decorating to do'.  I am telling you, there was fuck all needed and the property was fine all round.  So what response was there to the seller's suggested price?  A revised, FINAL offer of £82,000.  It was rejected, and I had willed the seller to reject these complete prats.

What bollocks!  Stay at fucking home, people, if you are on a time-wasting visit to Spain with no intention of buying if the perfect fit property is found, well within your cunting budget!

...

13.5.20 Boris Isn't Winston

Not Winston

Yes, it has made its way
Here, and it's here to stay
The horrid ministrations are
Unwelcome and unkind
So, with a heavy heart
Tired, scared and pulled apart
I see the door that stands ajar
but not what sits behind.

Now, as we all review
Life, what are we to do?
The losses all around us are
So frightening and real
Stay, home and sit it out
Hold, tight as all about
Are wishing on a lucky star
Not sure of what to feel.

Cough, yes my throat is dry
Aches, some, I can't deny
And yes my chest is second best
With breathing not too great
Peace, stolen, given wings
Mind, it's on many things
I'm twisted and so much obsessed
My thinking isn't straight.

Or, is it on the mark?
Clear, in a world so dark?
Is holding on while so distressed
A pointless bitter sweet?
Warm, bodies turning cold
Lies, polished, kissed and told
A population unimpressed
With bluster and deceit.

We, see the UK fail
Lies, on a massive scale
A travesty, incompetence
And lives, so many lost
Why, are we so misled?
Spin, Tory blue not red
Delivered with indifference
To awful human cost.

Clap, for the NHS
Mad, Boris claims success
While giving no acknowledgements
That he is so to blame
Time, squandered at the start
Now, heartbreaks of the chart
Despite outrageous negligence
There is no Tory shame.

Gove, Sunak, Raab, Patel
News, briefings with a smell
Of Cummings and a dirty hand
And government conceit
Matt, Hancock shows his face
Proves, he's a waste of space
And no one seems to understand
the level of deceit.

Now, as the lock-down bites
Some, seem to think their rights
Allow them all to make a stand
And party in the street
Still, short of PPE
Staff, plead and all agree
That needless going out is banned
And yet they fear defeat.

Why, is the UK fucked?
So, many questions ducked
The testing's been an utter farce
Incompetence prevails
Now, as the virus spreads
World, leaders shake their heads
At Britain on its stupid arse
A coffin wanting nails.

Jobs, gone or on the line
Stress, levels won't decline
Who loses most? The working class
The people poorly paid
More deaths than wildest fears
Clear lies that no one hears
Integrity is so, so sparse
As Tory claims are made.

Still, Brexit rumbles on
Deal? Hope is almost gone
The UK's utter madness seems
Like suicide to me
Hell, bent on further harm
No, hint of any qualm
Without a care the PM schemes
To leave us all at sea.

Now, on the tenth of May
Proof, sense is thrown away
As Boris shares deluded dreams
Revealing all his flaws
Still, risks at every turn
Yet, with no true concern
He beckons grief and further screams
While science he ignores.

Yes, we are in a mess
No, Boris won't confess
To bringing Britain to its knees
Not leading from the front
Why, does he think he's great?
Please, someone, tell him straight
He isn't Winston Churchill, he's
A sneaky, lying cunt.


10th May 2020 ***