19.9.20 Television Schedule

Last week's TV was as terrible as ever, with repeats at a sickening level.  Anyway, my general observations are as follows:

Saturday

Total Wipeout: Freddie & Paddy Takeover
This escapes being classified as a repeat, but it is; these two give a commentary on clips of past shows.  What a weak basis for a TV programme.

Jonathan Ross' Comedy Club
Anything with Ross is a awful - he's a horrible smug person who is not funny.

Jack The Giant Slayer
I did not watch this Channel 5 film, and so will never know if Jack was a rather large slayer of things and people, or if he was normal size and managed to slay a giant.   NB: The Sky Documentaries channel was showing Andre the Giant, at 7.20pm.  Maybe he was a victim of Jack.

Gok Wan's Easy Asian
This is not a proper title for a programme - it's missing a word!

William Shatner's Weird Or What?
I have nothing to add.

Sunday

The Real Housewives Of Orange County
The ITV Be trash is woeful indeed.  I have always considered that the programme tweak the words, to give The Orange Housewives Are Really Cunty.

Find It, Fix It, Flog It
This too could do with a tweak, with one more imperative - Fuck It.

Monday

The Dave channel has lost the fucking plot and weekdays seem to have been the victim of an executive's bit of fun.  The evening line-ups have been saturated with contributions from the same person.  The Monday 'game' was to overload us with Josh Widdicombe. He was on at:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
10:00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
Four appearances!

Tuesday

An appalling couple of food related offerings to note; here are the entries in my guide.

BBC1 8:00 Eat Well For Less?  Two siblings call for backup to help their mum and dad, who've been surviving on sweet treats, snacks and takeaways after a stressful year dealing with bereavement and caring for an elderly relative.  Gregg Wallace shows them how to make a satisfying meal from fresh ingredients without using ready made sauces, while Chris Bavin suggests healthy homemade alternatives to takeaways.  Just study this shite for a moment.  The basis for this programme is utter bollocks, and the uselessness of people to avoid eating crap is matched by the uselessness of the input from the presenters.  Also, why the fuck don't the two siblings fucking sort it themselves?

Channel 4 8:00 Food Unwrapped: Store Cupboard Staples.  Compilation of reports on store cupboard staples, including Kate Quilton taking a look at the secrets behind peanut butter's long shelf life, solving the mysteries of Marmite's famously divisive flavour, and discovering if it's safe to feed cats dog food and vice versa.  Jimmy Doherty travels to Sri Lanka to discover why lentils are sold split rather than whole, and Matt Tebbutt witnesses anchovy fishing off the coast of Italy.  Kate, get a fucking life and do something worthwhile.  Jimmy, just fucking google it.  Matt, was it abduction by the Mafia, and were you forced to witness this awful sight?  Muppet!

Channel 4 10:00 100 Vaginas.  Laura Dodsworth photographs and interviews 18 women, aged between 19 and 77, and asks them about how their vagina has shaped their lives.  First, Laura needs to find something productive to do with her own cunting life.  Second, I am left wondering if there is some sort of anti-Fibonacci Sequence going on (4,10,100,18,19,77).  Third, what the fuck is this link of lives being shaped by cunts?  Fourth, the grammar is wanting at the end, with muddled singular/plural approaches (rectified by changing 'vagina has' to 'vaginas have').

Dave chose Nish Kumar for Tuesday's overdose, with his (six) appearances, on:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Live At The Apollo
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
12:20 Mock The Week

Wednesday

Dave opted for six doses of Lou Sanders, with these components:
6:00 Taskmaster
8:00 Taskmaster
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Hypothetical
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
12:40 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled

Thursday

It was the turn of Phil Wang - here we go with his six:
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 Jon Richardson: Ultimate Worrier
9:00 Hypothetical
10:00 Live At The Apollo
11:00 Big Zuu's Big Eats
11:40 Have I Got A Bit More News For You

Friday

Secret Scotland With Susan Calman
Sadly Susan has decided that instead of keeping things secret and herself off our screens, she has set off to give us 10 helpings of her annoying input.  Having wrecked the last series of Great British Menu she is dabbling with her own heritage and geography now.  One to avoid,

Dave pulled out all the stops and lined up SEVEN contributions featuring Sara Pascoe, she of very dubious humour, to wreck the Friday evening viewing:
6:00 Taskmaster
7:00 Dara O'Briain's Go 8 Bit
8:00 QI XL
9:00 Comedians Giving Lectures
9:40 Hypothetical
10:40 Live At The Apollo
11:40 Live At The Apollo: Christmas Special *

* It's cunting September!

...