Dodo 16.5
The not quite extinct Didi Conn is sixty-seven years old, so in many respects she cannot be blamed for offering so little on the ice. Her forte seems to be being hauled around and lifted. In summary, she is being patronised by all around her. Her highest score so far, claimed Schofield, not a hard task considering this was her second outing. Her task was to incorporate three spins during the routine, and she managed just two, Chris told us all. Banjo congratulated her for performing well "week in and week out" - this was her second cunting 90 second skate!
Jane Danson 20
She was carted around the ice a bit more this time, and her first skate was a bit better. Jason wanted regret, remorse and a few other things to have shown while she was going round the rink, and he apparently didn't see all that . . . . the guy is no doubt overly-opinionated and permanently in danger of twatishness. Jason seems to have a bit of a downer on Jane.
Richard Blackwood 18
An unmemorable performance if ever there was one. The only interest was that Carlotta, his professional dance partner, is tiny and good to watch.
Saara Aalto 26
Very good; she took some risks in dancing solo for decent periods, and moved quickly compared with the others.
Brian McFadden 22
He spent so much of the routine picking her up, dropping her, and generally chucking his partner, Alex, around. "Brian, when you lift your partner, you've got to make sure she's landed before you let go of her." Excellent advice from Jayne Torvill.
James Jordan 27
Although I understand that the "ice" part is new to him, James has a clear advantage in terms of dance ability and performance, so he should indeed be getting good scores.
Saira Khan 18.5
Continuing to annoy, Saira again made reference to being Asian rather needlessly, and after her first performance when she was lugged around like luggage, she this time contributed very little - again It was a weak effort all round, and after being overly rewarded last week, she was this time ..... overly rewarded! She has an inflated view of herself. "It felt Mark was moving you around the ice," said Ashley Banjo. Yes, indeed, and she managed two spins, not three. "At some point, there's going to be some solo skating," said Chris Dean, warning her appropriately that she needs to start skating.
Ryan Sidebottom 19
Last week he was very slow, and was always going to feature in the skate off. He survived because xxx was worse, and both Dodo and Gemma Collins have enough fans (why?) to vote and save them. This time, Ryan was dressed as the Beast as his Partner (Beauty) flitted around him. It was a tame effort, but better than last week.
Wes Nelson 29.5
Very confident. They perhaps tried to put a bit too much into the lifts at the end, but he went for it. Consistent scores from all judges. I am still struggling to work out how a Love Island contestant is a "celebrity" but then he's not alone in being in such a position; the term is a joke these days.
Gemma Collins 13
A complete fucking joke of a "performance". She did fuck all cunting skating! A fair voting approach would have been 6 points. "It's great that you turned up and are here," said Banjo, and that says it all - commenting on attendance rather than skating. What an unpleasant waste of space, and utterly horrible personality. Sadly she still has a good chance of getting through because arseholes addicted to ITVBe will vote for her. This is everything that's wrong about these shows.
Melody Chapman 20.5
3.5 from Jason and 6 each from T and D, so Jason, who wants people to really go for it, marks them down. The Jason, you wanker! You gave 3 points to the walrus who did fuck all skating!
Matt Chapman 3.5
The compere talked shit to a phenomenal level this week, and we all had to suffer the drivel he delivered at an unacceptably noisy and nauseous level.
At the round up and recap ahead of the voting closing, 10 of the 11 entrants were on camera to chat with Phil and Holly; missing was the Essex fridge.
The voting was a complete joke, as Richard and Saira were left to skate against each other for survival. I have no wish to see (and hear, because she shouts rather than talks) Saira again, but for Collins to have survived demonstrates 100% why the format for these shows is so massively fucked up beyond belief.
Richard was quite slow, but then again was expected to lift Carlotta all over the place. Meanwhile, Saira was quite content to be the one lifted, so she had less to do. Lots of holding on and imitation of a Garfield sticking to a car window.
Jason saved Richard
Banjo saved Richard
Dean the twat saved Saira
Torvill did the cuntin same, with the casting vote
What a wanking load of crap!
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