What a waste of space, methinks. I have successfully avoided the auditions, and so have got no idea what level of 'talent' was assessed over recent weeks to arrive at the semi-final stage. I caught a snippet of yesterday's show, and gleaned that Britain's Got Sheep Mentality. The funny guy who basically waited while the voice-over computer read out his jokes was the winner, and a formulaic act featuring war veterans ticked a box for second place.
Tonight presented us with a batch of people whose talent was dubious. I refer to the performers on the stage, as the other batch (the judges) of course have no real talent.
The B Positive Choir 1/10
They wailed with This Is Me and implored me to like them while I steadfastly refused. But they kept on going - what did they want - blood? Ha ha. Yawn fucking yawn.
Futunity 1/10
The fucking name is enough to make you throw up. A combination of future and unity, we were told. Hmmmm . . . . how about a combination of happiness and crap . . . crapiness. The intro was a VT of the girl running from zombies. I was as bored as a cunt in a chastity belt before they even started fidgeting on the stage with their cliche moves and tired rendition of dance. Why the fuck the judges praised it so much is beyond me. Futility would be a better name for this rabble.
Calum Courtney 1/10
He's been handed the label 'autistic' and makes use of it to further the 'aaahh' factor. Well he is hardy autistic, and does a disservice to those with autism whose lives are affected rather more. His singing was off, so for Amanda to praise him as pitch perfect reveals in her the tunefulness of a fart across a milk bottle in a blizzard. Awful song, badly sung with an affected approach while mummy looked on. A kid singing has no place on Britain's Got Talent. Maybe Simon can hive this shit off, to a Kids version, so I can not watch it. I groaned in pain at this effort.
Andrew Lancaster 2/10
The impressionist was quite accomplished, although he provided us with an overdose on the Donald Trump front. Clever, but rather staid. Being good at something doesn't necessarily make the act good.
Nick Page 2/10
The comedian had a few good jokes but his stage presence (well, lack of it) and clear discomfort in standing and delivering was awkward. Dick Turpin he isn't.
Ronan Busfield 3/10
Very accomplished, and sang very well indeed, even if I disliked the song. But I simply do not want to listen to opera. The opening line was "I'm trying to hold my breath" but he didn't try very hard at all because he then sang. Yawn.
Magus Utopia 2/10
What a mess on stage. An odd display of weak magic, costumes and novelties. Yet they raved over it?
Donchez Dacres 0/10
A fucking joke of an act and a song. The Golden Buzzer could only have been pressed by Walliams, and this 'Wiggle' song was shite.
Alfie No 1/10
Worse was to come! Yes, Alfie Boe ripped the soul from me, scraping my ears on the way. This bollocks was, as ever, lame.
Simon revealed in the results show that there are four or five who could win. Yes, because there was no one standing out a good! My money was on Alfie Boe to sneak through to the final, just.
The top three were Calum Courtney, Donchez Dacres and B Positive Choir. What the cuntin fuck?
The winner, with no talen whatsoever, was Donchez. He said he was 'speechless', but sadly he makes a noise when he performs.
Amanda's vote for B Positive was apparently because it's 70 years of the NHS. WTCF? Cowell ducked out by levelling the vote so that the public vote was to determine the outcome. The most votes went to Calum Crappy Courtney.
B Positive put out a final plea to give blood, and refused to be negative. O dear.
Callum interacted with Dec, and there was little substance to either contribution, before the night closed.
I really need to avoid the other semis, or I will implode.
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