BGT is the generally accepted abbreviation, but of course BGASS is a recognised alternative - standing for Britain's Got A Sob Story. Yes, the 'talent' element is not always a necessity, and in many cases it is those with some sort of back story who get a bit more attention than those with talent.
Let's clear the air by dealing with my usual irritation regarding hordes (or should that perhaps be herds) of people claiming to be choirs. This year we have been stampeded by numerous collectives. This very week, 41 desperate kids trotted out some Disney shite as a young woman in charge provided semaphore while keeping her back to the audience. Generally speaking, a choir induces immediate boredom. 'Talent' is simply NOT demonstrated by a large number of people wailing together.
In the final we have the Missing People Choir. Fortunately this is the only act that involves numerous contributions to an overall noise. Unfortunately the sob story has so far overridden ANY proper attention to the notion of 'talent'. Last night, in the last semi-final, the choir came second and secured its place in tonight's final. The standard of singing what quite simply awful. The soloist kicked us off with a warbling wail that must have grated in the minds of all the other choirs who had members who could sing! I appreciate that the parents of missing people will suffer enormously, and this is certainly a situation that deserves attention - but not on a talent show. Raising awareness is the new preoccupation with those forcing upon us a particular agenda. I would be all for BGT sponsoring the cause, but not in rewarding non-talent within the show.
Alesha muttered on about BGT being a great platform for worthy causes, and I swore at the television. The next choir will consist of members without arms and legs (irony intended) pulling themselves on to the stage by their tongues, and singing (badly) a cover of the Beach Boys' I Get Around, and expecting applause, plus safe passage to the final. BGT is a plaform for fucking TALENT, Alesha!
I am enormously grateful that the lineup for the final includes just two kids. One, Issy, is a magician who is clearly taught her tricks and presents them on stage with a level of expertise and sweetness that has assured her kudos and appreciation. The other, Ned, is an irritating 'comedian' who is clearly taught his jokes and presents them on stage with a level of twatishness and smugness that has assured him of my personal dislike. I blame the parents completely.
The Pensionalities are Henry and Malcom, 84 and 75 respectively, and neither can sing to any standard above 'dire'. I do not begrudge them their chance of attention, but can we please get serious? There is no 'talent' involved here. Nice chaps, funny, and you'd be happy if either was your granddad - but how the fuck are these two in the final of BGT?
Amanda Holden, aged 46 / IQ 46, has presented herself with a 'style' all of her own. The pout last night was carp-like.
Moses did a worse job in parting the Red Sea than Amanda's effort in separating her ironed tits. I suppose she is trying to compete with Alesha Dixon in the glamour stakes, and no one has told her not to bother.
Mersey Girls - a decent enough group of girls dancing around. However, no one could possibly deny that if one of them (Julia) did not have scoliosis, then making it through to the final would have been unthinkable. So here again, BGASS has triumphed. I am simply making the point here that the decision-making processes in play are fickle in relation to 'talent'.
Sarah Ikumu, the 16-year-old shrieking, wailing, annoying, in-your-face and in-your-ears probable wildcard is simply an affront to singing. Having a good voice is one thing, but knowing how to use it is another. The relentless assault on our ears in the audition was more than enough (much more) to demonstrate a good voice. Sadly, where there was an opportunity for her to sing a song well in the semi-final, she chose to ram down our ears yet again an awful train-wreck of a racket. The unoriginal choice of Purple Rain was tiresome, but the delivery was unattractive. At the time of writing, the wildcard is unknown, and I have my fingers crossed it is not her.
I was so pleased when Tokio got the win, and she was left to try and comprehend how her sense of entitlement counted for nowt. The public vote had decided her noise was not worthy of input. The rallying claims that people must have "thought she was safe" were trotted out by all and sundry, with no one actually daring to suggest her approach to singing was aggressive rather than enjoyable.
Daliso Chaponda - very funny and a worthy winner
Ned Woodman - annoying, and irritating in the extreme
Tokio Myers - lovely bloke and amazingly talented
The Pensionalities - yawn
Mersey Girls - nice people who can dance
Issy Simpson - learns her lines and tricks well
Kyle Tomlinson - good singer
Missing People Choir - yawn
Matt Edwards - talented but simply not sure what i think
DNA - very good
...
No comments:
Post a Comment