I have been on holiday for a few weeks, and whilst I saw a couple of the heats on ITV when BGT started, I quickly got bored and sidestepped the shite. After then missing the week of semi-finals, I have this evening been able to watch BGT with fresh eyes and ears. Sadly, both senses have been affronted - acunted, even!
I can say with some objectivity [enhanced massively by seeing no television for over 3 weeks] that this year's BGT is the most dire so far. I found myself in a state of dismay, trying to reconcile the pathetic adulation given by the judges to acts that I found uninteresting, boring, and hum-drum.
The Addict Initiative
This dance act was simply mediocre, and I found myself watching synchronised fidgeting on stage, while the rabble tried to relay something to do with Hansel and Gretel. Alesha Dixon was inspired enough to utter: "A brilliant way to open the show." I yawned and grimaced. The Yawn was worth 1.5/5.
Jon Clegg
The 'wild card' was reasonably good with his impressions, and so gets 3.5/5, simply because it was a change from the usual type of act.
Lettice Rowbotham
A completely nutty performer managed to play the violin while singing. She can undoubtedly play the violin very well indeed. No really setting the world alight but I suppose she is talented. 4/5 because she can play, but 2.5/5 for any interest on my part.
YM, A & M
I cannot even bother to try and properly note the name of the act, which is the names of three blokes with shaved legs, 'dancing' in a pathetic way to old tunes from Beyonce, whose thighs are bigger than those of the three blokes. I was bemoaning [to Mrs MWSC] my lot in life, having to watch such complete tosh when Simon Cowell pressed his buzzer. Great minds thought alike. 1.5/5 at the very most, and I am in generous mode.
Bars & Melody
A 13-year-old and a 15-year-old rapping with a pitch that sent my ears into 'annoyed' mode. Yes, they are sweet enough, but this is Britain's Got Talent NOT Sweetness. Of course the patronising comments from the judges meant they were pleased as punch with their performance, but I can only be generous enough for a 2.5/5.
James Smith
What a wailing load of fucking bollocks. The 'retro' approach did not work, and whilst the young chap is undoubtedly talented, he wasted the opportunity by delivering absolute crap. This racket was an awful version of an OLD song, and was worthy of 2/5.
Jack Pack
Four blokes sang an old fashioned song in an old fashioned style and it was okay if you like this sort of stuff - I don't. So, a fucking generous 3/5 from me.
Darcy Oake
Sorry but this nice chap was doing yet another 'dangerous' stunt involving none other than a straight jacket. Yawn. 2/5.
Paddy & Nico
The first time I saw them, I was surprised and thought the act was odd as fuck. However, after seeing them now, I am struggling to understand how this might qualify as 'talent'. 2/5
Collabro
Musical theatre was the basis for this noise that was hardly of any interest to me at all, but I do begrudgingly acknowledge that they do have some ability - even if misplaced. 3/5.
Lucy Kaye
Clearly so talented, but I do wish she'd chosen to sing something that has not been sung to fucking death. I saw her in one of the first shows, and in her audition I am sure she sang something unusual, which was excellent. Why then choose a cliche for the final? I was bored, even though she can of course sing and has talent. 4/5
I can honestly say that I'd be happy enough never seeing or hearing any of them again! The only 'possible' exception is Lucy, if she were to sing something of any interest at all.
I am so very pleased that I have not invested much of my life in this year's competition, which must surely rank as the worst so far. Time for a fucking revamp, Simon. I have no interest in the excessive use of the words 'amazing' or 'incredible'. I give not a chumping fuck about 'support from families' or any 'journey' that some or other cunt has been on. This is lame television.
HILARITY - Little Mix came on to fill the gap while votes were cast, and Mrs MWSC and Maria walked into the room, not realising that the performers were not in fact in the competition. They both decided that the competition was so bad that "they might win". Ha! Little Mix would win BGT; well of course!
Cheryl Cole/Tweedy
This was one of the weakest acts of the night, and if she had appeared in the actual competition proper, she'd not have won! She cannot sing, and needs loads of people on stage with her to divert attention from her shortcomings. The moaning whinging tuneless dirge was embarrassing, luv. Fuck off. She deferred to some bloke for a rapping element, and he was as bad as her. The performance of Crazy Stupid was dire enough to confirm that Britain certainly has fuck all talent. Disappear, Pet!
RESULT
11th YM etc
10th Addictive
9th Paddy & Nico
8th Lettice Leaf
7th Jon Clegg
6th James Smith
5th Darcy Oake
4th Jack Pack
1st = Collabro . . . . WTF?
2nd = Lucy
3rd = Bars & Melody
SHITE.
...
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