For this match, Germany opted to replicate the colours of a cigarette packet - Embassy Number 1 - and the team was certainly on fire. A penalty put them 1-0 up after 12 minutes, and on 32 minutes, a brilliant header from a corner made it 2-0. The whinging Portuguese had surrounded the referee after the penalty was awarded, and their general demeanour was one of discontent at many things. I noticed Pepe moaning to the referee just before a Portugal corner, and thought to myself was a juvenile. So it turned out to be the case, when shortly after, he was caught in possession of the ball close to his own goal, and his arm pushed away the German attacker in desperation. Whilst Muller writhed around as though he'd been poked in the eye with a javelin, Pepe decided (with hundreds of millions of people watching) that it was a good idea to stick his head into the German's while berating him, and administer a rather lame head butt. What a prize twat.
A minute into injury time, the Germans scored a third goal and so at half time, the match was beyond doubt. In the ITV studio, there were nearly head butts plying as Patrick Vieira and Lee Dixon squared up, while the referee (Adrian Chiles) adopted his usual stance (well, in a sitting position) of useless dollop of shite, paid too much to do too little rather too poorly.
The second half was basically unnecessary, as the Germans were never going to lose the match. Ozil missed a sitter, and then Nani managed to get into a tackle with his own team mate while running at the German goal. Nani was generally in need of a nanny, or someone's tit to suck upon. The moaning and stroppiness was not entirely unexpected from the prima donna, and I wondered when the wet nurse (trainer|) might have to administer rather more than a wet sponge.
Andy Townsend made history after 56 minutes, when he mentioned that Ronaldo needed to "make a yard". Hitherto, Townsend had only ever dealt in "half-a-yard". A couple of minutes later, Ronaldo was brought down just outside the German penalty area, and we had the first chance to see him take a run up and shot on goal. Dale Winton popped into my mind ["Bring on the wall!"] when Ronaldo managed to do nothing spectacular, and simply kicked the ball into the wall.
Ozil [Embassy Number 8] was substituted after a rather limp performance. At 75 minutes, there was a to-do about a penalty claim by Portugal, and this let to Ronaldo confronting the referee with his gurning and dissent. Nothing doing, and just three minutes later, Germany were 4-0 up.
Ronaldo took a free kick from a long way out, and the Germans didn't bother with a big wall - they simply put a single player in the way (Lahm). Ronaldo fucked up the kick and managed unbelievably to hit Lahm!
So, 4-0to Germany, and Ronaldo wishing he was in a team with some decent players.
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