30.6.14 Why Barclays is Fucked

I got a letter in the post confirming a revision (unrequested) to my account, and saying that if I did not want the supposed added benefit, I had to advise the bank before a certain date.  After forcing work upon me for no good fucking reason, I had to call a number.  I then had to obtain a fucking balance that I did not want before I got the option to hold for a cunt rather than a machine. However, I had to endure the machine telling me all sorts of bollocks while I was on hold - including "sorry for the wait, we will get you to one of our customer service team as quickly as we can" - REPEATEDLY!

I ignored the infomercials about travelling and debit cards, updating cunting systems, and tried hard not to become brain dead while absorbing muzak that ate cells.

After 17 cunting minutes, I hung up, and needed a beer!

...

30.6.14 World Cup - Holland

Simply Robben Reliant.

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29.6.14 Sunday News Observations & Lily

1. A bit of lipstick does not endear Judy Murray to the nation, and why various media and companies think she's marketable and worth airtime or space is beyond me.  Her qualification for this attention seems to revolve around her being someone's mum whom most of us to date have only ever seen roaring or with a clenched jaw, in a state of some angst, turmoil or euphoria at a ball being hit.
2. Another mum who seems to get more than her fair share of attention and surprising adulation is Carol Middleton.  Again, this is on account of being someone's mum, rather than for having any real quality of her own that deserves attention.  I think there's some sort of vicarious royalty that she's grabbed and secured for herself.  Yes, luv, you've done well, but please remember you are not a royal.  The principles of 'chromatography' do not apply.  It's more a case of 'gravity' applying.
3. While we are on the subject, Pippa seems to do rather well at maintaining the view of entitlement, despite there being no title to talk about.  It would not be so annoying if the whole existence was less in your face, but with her generally outdoing Peter Andre for getting her life details spread, she's another person of dubious existence.
4. Beatrice (apparently she's a 'princess') is an expert though, and manages to do so very little while gaining maximum benefit from the British taxpayer.  Just this week she managed to secure a lift from the Royal Navy, to cross the Solent to the Isle of Wight.  I can appreciate why the queuing public was aghast, as each fumbled for the £18 or so that the trip would cost them on a rather less extravagant means of transport.  Still, Eugenie and Beatrice are products of a mother and father whose combined grasping and sense of entitlement outdoes anything ever displayed by Tony Blair.  Actually, considering the sums involved, then I may have got this wrong, and it's a closer call.  Either way, they are all on another planet.
5. I see that the Archbishop of Cunterbury has come out (not that way) and declared that the church will not withdraw its investments in (and therefore support for) Wonga.  Yes, folks, despite the national outcry regarding the outrageous practices of this leach of society, and the courts having decided that some of its past practices were illegal, the fucking church seeks to avoid the tough call to potentially lose a bit of cash.  How fucking cuntish.  I would suggest that anyone who's in church today (fewer than they'd have you believe at the Centre for Counting Churchgoers) and who's got a Wonga loan, should withdraw some money from the plate when it arrives in front of them, as a token of the church's thanks for sticking with its branch of religion despite having no moral right to expect such.
6. Josie Cunningham (pictured at the top of this post) is such a complete fuck-up with the most disgusting absence of morals and humanity, that I have no intention of even listing her various comments, actions, views and cuntishness.
7. I saw (sadly) pictures of Lily Allen that have done the rounds, and having had my eyes abused, I've decided to inflict the same fate on any of you who've managed to dodge the photos.  Aside from the visual affront, I must register my dislike of pretty much most of what she does and says.  I am allowed to have such an opinion, and so I will bloody well take up that option!  

Of all my observations above, the pictures are the ones that are proving most distressing as I type.

...

29.6.14 Mexico v Holland - World Cup

There can be no doubt that overall, Mexico had the better first half, and there was a lot of good fortune for Holland for most of it, but bad luck at the end regarding a penalty claim.  Still, at 38.8 degrees at pitch-side, in the sun, it's no wonder the players struggled a little bit.

1st Half

18 minutes - Van Persie was lucky to escape a Yellow Card for a shirt-pull in the box.  If a defended had done this, there would have been a card shown without question.  However, attackers manage to get away with this sort of cheating.

20 minutes - Two Dutch defenders decide to try and decapitate the Mexican attacker, and yet the referee decides not to award a penalty, nor even decide to give an indirect free kick for dangerous play.  Confusing as fuck.

22 minutes - Robben falls over (as usual) on the edge of the box, and the referee decides it isn't a free kick (and that he dived).  A good call, but again, lucky for the attacker who is clearly trying to gain an unfair advantage; no Yellow Card.

42 minutes - Martins Indi decides to hack at the ball and a Mexican's legs, but strangely avoids getting a Yellow Card.

45+2 minutes - Robben is clearly fouled, twice, by Mexican defenders, and this should have led to a penalty being awarded.  Still, with his record for falling over, diving, appealing and generally moaning, I suspect the referee had to interpret Robben's calamitous descent to ground level with a pinch of (on this occasion, non-existent) salt.  Crying wolf, Robben, has come back to bite.

2nd Half

47 minutes - Excellent goal scored by Giovani dos Santos for Mexico.

56 minutes - Save of the week from the Mexican keeper, from point blank range, diverting the shot on to the post - fantastic!

67 minutes - Robben steps on a Mexican's leg while trying to get back on his feet, and theatrically falls over with arms flailing.  Another example of how he does himself no favours, and no penalty was awarded.

68 minutes - Aguilar gets a Yellow Card.

74 minutes - Robben decides to jump over a defender's scything leg and not fall over; unbelievable, considering his usual inability to ride any challenge.  In effect, he dodged a certain penalty for Holland.

84 minutes - The keeper saves yet again at point blank range, although the offside flag was up anyway.  Great performance from him

87 minutes - A 10th corner for Holland and a goal for Sneijder.  Good goal, but Holland have been rather lucky to get a goal after a rather limp performance so far.

91 minutes - A penalty for Robben; it was a penalty, although it is still fucking annoying that he leaps forward as though he's diving at the start of the 100m Freestyle swimming event!

93 minutes - The Number 19 scores from the kick, and this is cruel for Mexico.

Instead of extra time, and a reasonable 1-1 result after normal time, the Dutch get a win from nowhere, and the Mexicans must suffer yet again.

...

29.6.14 - Benefits Cheats - Hall of Shame: Part 2

£35,749 - Paul Lewis

This cunt claimed money in benefits citing agoraphobia, while earning £200 per week.  He was sentenced to 20 weeks in jail - suspended for 18 moths.  In other words, fuck all!  More importantly, what about the money.  Yes, crime DOES pay, as the repayment rate for this fraud means the taxpayer will wait 36 cunting years to get the money back.  Still, way before then his circumstances will change and the repayments will no doubt stop.  What a cunting cock-up of a country we live in.

£41,000 - Mohammed Chowdhury

He claimed to be a waiter working under 16 hours per week and receiving £40, when he in fact owned the business which turned over £400,000 per year.  His wife has already received an 8-month sentence for her part in the bogus benefits claims; her husband gets 15 months.  What about paying back the money, though?  No news in any of the reports!

£144,000 - Janet Curtis

Filmed water skiing, this cunt stole through fraudulent benefit claims over 20 years.  Exactly WHY was the 18-month sentence suspended?  No fucking point in giving such a sentence if it's not implemented immediately.  At least the fucker has been ordered to pay back the money, although I severely doubt there will ever be full reimbursement.  An example of the pathetic system this country has for dealing with fraud and the complete abuse of the system.

£21,000 - Linzy Greaves

She claimed benefits for three years, but her children had been taken into care! The sentence was just four weeks (obviously fucking suspended) and her bill for costs plus 'victim surcharge' was £180.  The 8pm to 7am curfew for 12 weeks is the strangest fucking punishment of all.  How exactly is that going to have any relevance at all.  This unemployed cheating fucker didn't even get community service; why the fuck is she not having to do 3000 hours, so that at £7 per hour, we get something back?  What a cunting joke!


Other

£3,000 - Abby Brindle

Here we have a thieving fucker who stole from the till at a pub.   She used it to clear credit card bills, buy an iphone - and to buy cannabis.  Caught bang to rights through CCTV footage, she was found guilty.  She gets benefits, and the useless fucking judge has ordered her to pay back just £5 per week - but ONLY £500 of the £3,000 she stole!  What the cunting fuck?  So the victim loses £2,500 and the offender gets a let off.  What a fucking joke, and the taxpayer (via her benefits) is paying the £500.  This country is completely fucked, with a crappy lack of justice, no proper responsibility now expected by anyone, and a benefits system that simply like a cow's udder dispensing to anyone who yanks a fucking teat.

...

28.6.14 England's World Cup Pepsi Challenge

The sad and sorry performances by the England team were matched by the awful input by so many others, led by Roy Hodgson - the most boring person known to mankind.  The complete embarrassment of losing the first two matches, ahead of the simply pathetic draw against Costa Rica in the third game was a damning outcome, and confirms a number of things.  There is the most definite delusion in thinking that England has a chance.  The overpaid stars are not worth their price tags.  The excuses offered afterwards never get any better.  Never is the word "disappointing" used so much when it is in fact wholly fucking inadequate.  Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard now need to go away.  Head & Shoulders sales will surely drop now.

In the 1970's, when England still had a vague chance of being taken seriously as in the running for something, after the 1966 success, it was a time to enjoy a Pepsi.

These days, there is little cause to view things with such generosity at all, and I can't help thinking that things have got worse in just about every respect. Perhaps a nod to Pepsi is appropriate, with use of this format for a new version. What do you think?

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28.6.14 I Blame Westlife

Irritating bollocks is spouted daily by thick cunts who are trying to sound clever, while actually demonstrating ignorance and stupidity.  A pet hate is the almost compulsory misuse of pronouns.  The result of all this is that I have to listen to all sorts of crap.  I think Westlife must take a lot of the blame for promoting this approach, with the song "You Raise Me Up".  What, exactly, is the purpose of the last word?

Returning back
Focused around
An update around
Cover off
Reduce down
Flambe down
The existing incumbent
To recruit in
Latest news
Very essential
Very unique
Very critical

Then we have the complete bollocks of useless and meaningless jargon and complete shit such as:

Moving forward(s)
In point of fact
In actual fact
Kind of
Sort of
Essentially
In terms of
Pick up on
Run with it
Action it
Not a problem
Look to (do something)
Ensure visibility of

The level of complete nonsense is mind numbing.  Today's level of intellect is devoid of any grammatical element, and devoid of any checks on whether cunting twattishness has crept into ordinary speech.  Everyone is trying to outdo the next person, especially in the business world.  It used to be good enough to give someone a taste of something, perhaps of their own medicine. Now, people give us a "flavour" of something.  If there's a general acceptance that something needs doing, then that something-or-other has "traction", and that's probably come about because the approach being adopted is "fluid". WTF?

I wonder why "Dairy Ice Cream" does not have the word "Imitation" at the beginning.  By default, "Dairy Ice Cream" cannot be authentic, because that's the honour given to "Real Dairy Ice Cream".  Are we required, then, to endorse a produce through an extra descriptive term so that no qualification means dubious provenance?  If I have some "Real Dairy Ice Cream", then it follows that someone else eating "Dairy Ice Cream" is eating a version that's not real at all.  Perhaps this is why ITV insists on telling me that the latest forty-five minutes of video clips is "All New You've Been Framed".  Without the "All New", I have to assume that it's a further showing of old stuff.  But when the "All New You've Been Framed" is repeated (which of course it is, on numerous occasions) then the title is complete bollocks, and an outright lie.  I have no idea what I should expect to see on "New You've Been Framed" because if the programme shown yesterday was old stuff, the title is a lie, and if the content was new, then surely the convention is to trumpet the newness with the "All New" banner.  Does this mean, then, that any tiny part of a programme that's 'new' can lead to the programme itself getting branded as 'New' because it is not strictly the same as the previous version?  What a mess.

...

23.6.14 World Cup TV - Who's Who?

Clarence Seedorf

A man addicted to smiling whilst saying fuck all of any real interest or any consequence.  Inoffensive, though, and I suppose we must be grateful for that. Gary Lineker does his best to coax him, but Clarence adamantly refused to have any oomph at all.

Martin O'Neill

Surely there is a vacancy in a library somewhere?  This man should be working in a quiet environment, putting books in order on the shelves.  No way should he be on television.

Gordon Strachan

The polar opposite of Martin, Gordon Strachan manages to fire words like bullets, in volleys that assault the ears, and which offer nothing that improves anyone's understanding or enjoyment of a game.  Of course, 83% of the population hasn't a fucking clue what he is on about or even says anyway.

Danny Murphy

What a boring fucker, droning on as though he's so fucking good himself. Yawn.

Alan Hansen

Surely somewhere in Europe there is space in a donkey sanctuary for Alan? He really needs to chew on some grass and chew over how on earth he's managed to last decades, while churning out shit.

Clarke Carlisle

Who?  What the fuck?  Annoying as fuck, and he has a desperate and strained aspect to his utterances.   Someone whose commentary and input is as intesting as snow melting, and as valuable as valuable as the 'S' in Carlisle.

Robbie Savage

Quite simply a twat without anything worth listening to, and with no real qualification to be using his mouth - obviously his mind does not come into it. As for his comments of outrage when he sees a player committing a foul, it's simply preposterous that a player renowned for so long as a real 'savage' on the pitch can have any basis to be critical of others.  Doing Strictly Come Dancing did NOT endear you to the nation, Robbie!

Lee Dixon

Rather predictable, but generally quite safe, even if he can never forget about Arsenal.  Whilst I've no real need to hear from him at all, he rarely offends with his comments.

Martin Keown

Another Arsenal old boy, but one who can't stop telling me what players have "in their locker".  There are other cliches he bandies around [well, they all do] but I do find myself wishing he'd talk less - a lot less.

Glenn Hoddle

Whose idea was it to dig him up?  A pointless inclusion in any programme, let alone World Cup panel, Glenn is reminiscent of a strange uncle who no one really has much to do with, and whom no one dares ask about past misdemeanours.  There's probably more of a basis for inviting Frank Bough on to the programme than Glenn.  As for his grasp of the language and grammar, he has not got one.

Kevin Kilbane

Of all of them, this is the guy who should talk the least of all.  In fact, I'd have concerns about his talking too much even if he took up residence in a monastery.  Arghhhhh!  Kevin Kil-Banal.  [Banal: "so lacking in originality as to be obvious and boring"]

Thierry Henry

There is no doubt that he talks sense, does not say too much (always a blessing in the world of punditry) and speaks with a soothing voice that relaxes rather than annoys the fuck.  Overall, a welcome addition to the coverage. However, all this is only the case if one can get over the fact that he denied the Republic of Ireland a place at the 2010 World Cup through a handball that should have led to his goal being disallowed.  The fact that Lineker was crass enough to make a joke about it shows Lineker has a lack of judgement and taste.

Ian Wright

In the role of  'court jester', he just about makes the grade.  In all other respects, there is no point in his being in Brazil - even if he paid for his own ticket [which of course he didn't].

Phil Neville

I think everything that needed to be said has been said, via Twitter and Facebook, National TV, Newspapers, Loud Haler, Radio, Carrier Pigeon and Jungle Drum.  Who doesn't know just how boring his contribution can get?

Patrick Vieira

He talks some sense and as with Thierry Henry, his style and voice is relaxed enough.  A very reasonable level of participation.

Mark Lawrenson

Part of the furniture for far too long, 'Mr Pessimistic' is still trotting out the one-liners and mixing in sarcasm.  The amazement must surely be why the BBC maintains his lifestyle considering his lazy approach.  Despite being annoyed at this relic, he does still come out with some rather risky comments.  For example, when taking the piss out of Nani, and making a judgement on his attitude and approach, he said: "A promising career, ruined by a needling brain injury."

Rio Ferdinand

This buffoon should NOT be in Brazil at all.  Isn't there some belated drugs test that he should be missing, back in Europe?  I have no wish to hear anything he says; if this was not the case, I'd have followed him on Twitter.  His public profile has been something that's been the focus of his attention for years, including when he was supposed to be playing football.

Gus Poyet

A very good manager, proven by his efforts at Brighton, and subsequently Sunderland.  No doubt inspirational, and obviously passionate.  In fact, I'd suggest he is a good all-rounder to have on a panel.  However, there is no escaping that you have to concentrate like fuck to understand a lot of what he says.  This is not a bad thing when the football has bored the arse off you and you need something to focus on, but in other circumstances, it's mildly frustrating.

Andros Townsend

Although he is a talented player, and without his injury would no doubt have been in the squad, I cannot see why he is deemed qualified to join in with the television coverage.  His input is okay, but actually pointless.

Juninho

I have no idea at all why this chap was invited to participate because he has nothing to say that my friend's cat couldn't come up with, and I suspect his Brazilian passport is all that got him the gig.

Fabio Somebody-or-other-issimo

Actually, it's Fabio Cannavaro, a man who is no doubt decent and easy to like. Sadly his grasp of English is a bit too limited, and so his contribution is weak. It's not his fault that the BBC is a dumb institution that decided his skills (well, lack of them) in football punditry on British television were needed.

Gabby Logan

Why, exactly?  Is she a token female, or has someone on high at the BBC decided she needed to be in Brazil for her ability?  Maybe someone thought she would be the softest option to soothingly press Roy Hodgson on why he and the team were shit and set to go home early.

Alan Shearer

The sound of my vacuum cleaner holds more allure than the droning of Shearer, whose ability to speak the English language is less than either Gus Poyet, Fabio Cannavaro or Juninho!  Someone should give him the elbow, just as he gave every opponent an unwanted elbow on the pitch.

Roy Keene

'Absent' - thank heavens for that piece of fantastic fortune.  The last thing anyone in the UK could have done with is input of the Keene variety.

Andy Townsend

Not really a presence on screen, except in a pointless after-match exchange at the side of a pitch.  Very experienced at trotting out the same old guff, including offering measurements in the new 21st century system that is based on multiples of "half a yard".  He loves the sound of his own voice, and uses "in and around" like normal people use 'near', 'by' or 'in'.

Phil Vickery

Sorry, but simply not interested in anything he has to say.

Gary Lineker

Safe, predictable, sometimes glib and out-of-order, coming from a bit too much job security.  Still, okay and lucky not to be on a channel where insufferable advert breaks ruin any possibility of decent coverage.

Adrian Chiles

A sitting disaster of a host, whose banality exceeds by far that of Kevin Kilbane - something that in theory should not be possible.  This bumbling behemoth is unfunny, sour and immature, yet believes himself to be a 'people's man' with a great sense of humour.  Delusion excels at ITV, then, along with the insistence on dumping upon us the annoying "Brasil/Brazil" music/song/nursery rhyme.

Mark Chapman

As ever, Mark struggles to get his words out, and stutters along, or more usually leaves long gaps between each word that leaves his lips.  The annoying style is supported by the BBC through his continued employment.  Luckily for him, Gordon Strachan is on ITV, because otherwise Gordon would fire off a few rounds in the gaps, and still have time for a fidget.

Matt Smith

The equivalent of bubble wrap, chippings or padding, Matt is really a filler for when Adrian Chiles is taking a nap.  Matt is not really someone who counts - at all.  Yet, he's preferable to Adrian Childlike.

Mary Berry

No, you're right, she's not in Brazil.  She's fucking everywhere else though!

...

23.6.14 World Cup - Sunday 22nd June

Belgium v Russia

What a game of dire diarrhoea.  Both Belgium and Russia were completely shit, and only from the 85th minute did the game offer anything that resembled football, and action worth watching.  Fabio Capello is a prize muppet and will no doubt be out of yet another well-paid job.  Let's see where he surfaces next; it will of course be a country where he is not understood, and where he'll not learn the language before he's ejected again.  As for Belgium, talk about doing the bare fucking minimum, and winning.

Yawn.


South Korea v Algeria

What a fantastic game, from end to end, and with so many twists and turns. Great entertainment, and from two sides hardly considered to be high ranking. It just shows that it is often better to watch matches where the players are committed, passionate and want to win the fucking game rather than plod up and down and be overly safe.  Algeria won 4-2.


USA v Portugal

The USA play so well and with so much spirit in the first game, it is no surprise that support for, and interest in, the team has grown astronomically.  It turned out that the spirit and determination was no fluke.  After conceding a goal after 5 minutes, after a howling mistake by a defender trying to clear the ball, the USA players set about the task of making a comeback.  A wonder goal by Jermaine Jones, as good as the Messi effort the other night, was followed by a Clint Dempsey goal to put the USA 2-1 ahead.

There were numerous mistakes by players all over the field, and it is no exaggeration to say that Portugal were awful.  The pathetic performance meant that the side was not worthy of anything from this game.  However, whilst Ronaldo was atrocious and might as well have not played based on his input during 94 minutes and 45 seconds of a 95-minute match, he provided an excellent cross with fifteen seconds to go, and Varela headed an equaliser.  A travesty!

...

22.6.14 World Cup - Friday 20th & Saturday 21st June

Ecuador v Honduras

Despite there being every reason for both teams to play well, there was an emphasis on playing rough, with a relentless approach to 'strong' tackles and fouling on a monotonous basis.  Unfortunately for the Honduras team, [the ones with a big 'H' on their shirts, for anyone not sure who's who] there was insufficient ability to take them further in the competition.

The Ecuador team managed to show a bit more skill and speed, to win the match and consign their opponents to an exit from the competition.  The loss of the Honduras side to any competition is a victory for fair play and disappointing only to those who support dirty play!


France v Switzerland

It was all too easy for France, and despite the Swiss getting back two goals later in the game, there was never any doubt that.


Ghana v Germany

Congratulations to Ghana and to Germany for a fantastic display.  Okay, the first half was pretty crap, and I did fear that there would be a dreadful plodding towards an eventual win for Germany, but instead, we were treated to real entertainment.

Germany scored first, not unexpectedly, but to Ghana's great credit, they bounced back and drew level three minutes later.  When Ghana went 2-1 up, it was uplifting.  The end-to-end football in the second half was super, and there could have been fifty different outcomes, taking into account the various permutations from the numerous chances.  This was really good football, and the 2-2 outcome was perhaps a good result.


Nigeria v Bosnia-Herzegovina

What a farce.  A perfectly good goal by Bosnia-Herzegovina was disallowed for offside.  Then Nigeria scored the only (allowed) goal of the game, meaning B-H ejection from the World Cup.  Poor decisions by officials again cause some major grief.  All that being said, the Bosnian team was pretty awful, and there was a weird sort of justice, seeing Nigeria get the three points.  This doesn't resolve anything in what is a tight group, though, and whether Nigeria or Iran manages to gain second spot is up in the air.

...

21.6.14 Iran v Argentina - Disappointing Result

Result was a travesty

What a complete shame for the Iranians, after a brave display that saw them match the Argentinians for effort and almost gain a draw.  But for the single shot by Messi in the 91st minute, there was no basis for any claim that Argentina deserved to win.

The referee was a complete wimp, signalled in no better way than when Sergio Aguero decided to pull out the corner flag and dump it on the ground.  Instead of showing a yellow card, the ref held up the game while he trotted over to the corner and replaced the pole in the correct (upright) position.  He continued to show a limpness no worse than a week-old lettuce leaf.

The picture of Diego Maradona watching from the crown, displaying that quite dreadful arrogant look that he uses for pretty much everything was enough to encourage me to cheer on the Iran team.  While there is surely much that's attractive about Argentinian fans, his ugly, cheating, superior personality was not a welcome addition to my television pictures.

...

20.6.14 Costa Rica v Italy

Poor, poor, poor!  Italy, of course, not Costa Rica.  In fact, I would like to congratulate Costa Rica on the level of effort, determination and persistence, despite facing adversity in the shape of the referee, who managed to deny them the clearest cunting penalty of the World Cup so far.

Enrique Osses made a fucking howler by denying the penalty in the 44th minute; thankfully Costa Rica scored a minute later!  The referee was weak throughout, but fortunately despite his being a twat, he did not unduly influence the result.

Well done Costa Rica - fantastic performance.

Italy, you were absolutely shit!

PS: As for England being disappointed that Italy didn't win, tough!  This game was not about England!  Having lost two games, England should be going home, and so it's turned out.

...

20.6.14 - Fellaini World Cup Haircut?

Marouane Fellaini has confirmed that if Belgium wins the World Cup, he will cut off his trademark afro.  That's all very well, but I don't actually give a toss.  I would much prefer to hear a promise from him that if he manages to play the next two games without violently elbowing anyone, he will do something rather more worthwhile than have a fucking haircut - maybe something charitable? Sadly, the chance of him not using elbows is actually far, far slimmer than a cup win for Belgium.

...

20.6.14 Greek Tragedy - World Cup Farce

The Extra Player For Greece

The tragedy was quite simply that the team was given numerous unwarranted free kicks and outrageous help by a referee who must surely have Greek relatives.  It was simply farcical to see a referee with so much blatant bias in his handling of the game.  He sent off a Greek player who'd 'earned' a second yellow card, and from that point onwards did his best to assist, making up the number of Greek players on the field!

Referee Joel Aguilar had an appalling game, and should have sent himself off for cuntish behaviour.  The Greeks were guilty of horrendous time wasting, but the impotent referee did absolutely nothing to stop the shenanigans.  I was expecting about eight or nine minutes of extra time, but only four were signalled and played.  The Japanese players showed discipline in not retaliating to numerous fouls by Greece, and not lynching the fucker with the whistle who was intent on giving anything he could Greece's way.

Sadly for spectators, the performance by Japan was poor, and despite having 74% possession and an extra man for much of the game, the quality of their play was weaker than Shandy Bass.  Thus, it was painful to watch the pointless passages of play, which generally culminated in ineffectiveness and wastefulness by Japan, or a Greek player on the ground, wincing and rolling about, to waste time.  The cynicism with which Greece played makes any neutral observer hope that Greece gets no further in this competition.  The boos around the stadium at the end of the match were proof enough of a crap game.

...

19.6.14 Pundits, Twats and Commentary

In case any of you have missed the input of the various pundits and commentators during ITV and BBC coverage of the World Cup, I though it would be a good idea just to clarify a few points.

The Pitch

First, it is important to realise that the pitch is not the simple thing it appears to be.  No, there are invisible sections and facets that only commentators, pundits and analysts are able to see, and draw our attention to.  While most of you might suppose that a pitch consists of two goals, two penalty areas, a centre circle, all conforming to dimensions as dictated by football's governing bodies, there are some further aspects to be aware of, as follows:

Gullies, Channels and Pockets
The Hole
In Between the Lines
In and Around the Box
The Final Third

These phenomena are touted as though they are integral components of any match, although most objective observers would rightly accuse the proponents of these terms to be tossers.  Gullies [a real favourite term for Andy Townsend] are of course features created by running water, and so if there were ever a true gully on a football pitch, then the match would not be played until the groundsman had rectified the problem.

Channels is so fucking vague and nonsensical that I defy anyone to actually locate the cunts.  This is sadly a term that is gaining momentum in the punditry world, as twats seek to portray themselves as knowledgeable and competent. Ha!

Pockets are also apparently in abundance on a pitch.  Now, I do know that in another environment where play is conducted on a green rectangular surface, pockets do indeed feature - but that's fucking snooker and not football!  At least with snooker, we all know where the things are.  Apparently these illusive features are not easy to see or locate - unless you're a pundit or commentator.

The Hole is not (unfortunately) a place to bury the twats who refer to it every fucking few minutes, but a mystical place that exists somewhere behind a striker.  This is similar to the position of discarded earth when a dog is digging a fucking hole - 'somewhere behind it'.

In Between the Lines is a favoured cliche for this world cup.  It's a place where everything should happen, apparently.  Any criticism of a player or a team will commonly involve admonishment for not directing efforts "in between the lines", unless of course there is previous mention of holes, pockets and gullies.

The most persistent advocate of In and Around the Box is the maestro himself, Andy Townsend, who will talk all day long and utter shite at anyone prepared to listen.  In trying to sound so reasonable, authoritative and educated, he comes across as one big cliche.  I still struggle to understand the fine distinction between this part of the football pitch, and the Final Third, as the "in and around the box" is surely contained therein?  Perhaps Andy Townsend's very best moment came during the match between England and Uruguay, as Sturridge was brought down by Godin, and in watching the replay he came out with the fantastic statement: "He's got his hand in and around Sturridge's throat" - such classic bollocks from AT!

And so, to the Final Third, the most overused part of the cunting pitch, an area that's neither marked out, fixed in size, useful as any form of reference or a basis for judgement of a team's performance.  Every fucker in the game has jumped on the band-wagon, and adoption of this drivel is pretty much universal among any twat with a microphone, earpiece, contract to talk shit about football, or Adrian Chiles, who always deserves a category of his own, as he is a sofa-ridden disaster.

Tactics

Away from the pitch itself, we have been pestered for ages by information that is as fucked as the brains that impart the crap.  Commonly used bollocks (so it follows that each of the following is "a bollock") include:

What a fucking player has got In His Locker
Teams Parking the Bus
Formations that include 4-1-2-2-1, 5-1-1-1-1-1, 4-2-1-2-1 and any other randomly twattish shite

I have no desire to know what any footballer has In His Locker, but Martin Keown seems to know rather too much about the contents in just about every player's locker.  As for any other attributes that can have a bearing on a football match, I'll let you decide what may fall into this category.  I hear from time to time from commentators that certain players like to Open Their Legs.  Well, I'll look the other way, thanks.  Aside from the silly combinations of numbers that outline alleged formations and tactics, which often have little to do with what the players are actually doing in a game, I get frustrated with the completely pathetic use of Parking the Bus by just about every cunt linked to commenting on a match.  Most footballers are shit drivers, for a start, and most couldn't hit a fucking bus with a football, so a 24ft x 8ft goal is rather more beyond them.

Outcomes

There is a weird and incessant drive to waffle on about The Positives, whether after a game and explaining why someone or other will "take them" [to try and deflect attention from the fact that the game was lost] or to try and add credence to there being any sort of benefit from having given a shite performance.  Collecting 'positives' is not any substitute for playing well, winning, trying hard, or living up to expectations.  I suggest that mentioning the collecting of any positives is only reasonable if the result itself has been positive.  That way, the pastime of collecting these little gems is not doled out as a fucking excuse for losing.  This applies to other bollocks, such as "tiredness", "a long season", "poor conditions", and loads of other twaddle.

Dissent

There was once a time when 'Dissent' from any player warranted a yellow card from a referee.  In football, unlike Rubgy, the referee is not respected at all. Any decision is simply an opportunity for a footballer to moan, dispute, gesticulate and harass the referee.  Whereas a decision by a rugby referee is not disputed or challenged, in the world of football, players believe they have the right to behave like cunts.  Even when a flock of fuckers is not surrounding the referee to complain and appeal, individual players are now routinely seen Finger Wagging.  This is a complete fucking insult, and an insidious development in undermining all and any authority that those charged with officiating may cling on to.  The act of wagging a finger is dissent, even if the verbal equivalent is a snide: "No, no, no, you got that wrong, you daft cunt - I'm right and you made a mistake".  The arrogance of players who see nothing wrong in cheating, and appealing for every little thing to go their way is amazing.  Every finger-wag is dissent, and should get a yellow card.  None of the pundits or commentators ever suggests that a player wagging a finger is in any way guilty of disagreeing with the referee.

The other favourite is for a player to mime holding, or putting his hands around a ball in front of him.  This "I Got The Ball" bollocks is so often acted out when the player concerned most clearly did not get the ball, or if he did, then it was after travelling through his opponents body parts at 30mph without due care and attention.  Making out that he got the ball is in effect dissent.  All too often, the commentators and pundits give opinions that are contrary to what's actually just fucking happened.


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19.6.14 World Cup Results - Tue & Wed

Belgium v Algeria

After a very dodgy start, Belgium finally decided to try a bit harder, and eventually overturned Algeria to win 2-1 after going a goal down.  For possibly the first time ever, I saw Marouane Fellaini participate in a game without elbowing anyone in the jugular, cheekbone or mouth.  In fact he scored a goal! Algeria will be disappointed with the outcome, and it was a close call as to whether they were worth a point.

Brazil v Mexico

Well, what a poor outcome for Brazil.  Well done to the Mexican goalkeeper, who played exceptionally well.  As for the Brazilians, I would a rather embarrassing effort and a limp 0-0 performance for a team with so much hype associated with it.  The main attraction was off the pitch.

Russia v South Korea

Fabio Capello

The Russians were simply pathetic, and offered so little invention, while the South Korea team worked like buggery to get somewhere.  The extra effort made up for the lack of footballing skill and experience, and with the Russians not bothering to display any enthusiasm or decent input for ages, I felt the players were possibly as interested in winning as their manager, Fabio Capello, was interested in England during the South Africa World Cup four years ago. In the end, the 1-1 draw was fair enough, and the last 20 minutes because watchable after the first have was simply dire.

Spain v Chile

Spain contrived to lose 2-0 to Chile, and seal an exit from the competition - the first team to go out, and a bit of a shock.  Chile simply outplayed Spain and deserved to win.  There will have to be a massive rethink, and perhaps a big swap-out of players for the next competition, or Spain will become a spent force.

Netherlands v Australia

The Dutch managed to win 3-2 but overall were rather lucky to win.  Australia were better in the first half, and although the Aussies got a penalty for handball that was never warranted, it was a shame to see a goalkeeping error that allowed RVP to get a second goal.  I reckon a draw would have been a fairer result.

Cameroon v Croatia

Mbia thought he was in the World Wrestling Championships, as he brought down a Croatian ahead of a corner being taken, and trod on him for good measure.  So by six minute into the game, I could see some argy-bargy was likely.  With both teams having lost their first game, this was even more likely to be a desperate and contentious affair.  On 35 minutes, the Cameroon number 3, N'Koulou, decided to target a Croatian who was taking a throw in and just push him in the chest, followed by another push on another player four seconds later, to put him on the ground; the referee did fuck all!  Finally the ref woke up to things, and pulled out a red card for Alex Song on 40 minutes having noticed him lashing out.  Twat - Song, not the ref.

1-0 at half time became 2-0 to Croatia within 2 minutes of the restart, and 3-0 on the hour.  At 72 minutes, it was 4-0.  Assou-Ekotto should have been sent off on 90 minutes, for a headbutt on his own team mate.  Croatia must beat Mexico to go through now, though.

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18.6.14 Netherlands v Australia

What a fantastic and entertaining game of football!  Whether ITV couldn't make its mind up about calling the Dutch team The Netherlands, Netherlands or Holland, it was of little significance to the entertainment offered by the two sides, whose positive and attacking approach made for a great game to watch.  For a change, I'll adopt the spiritually correct 'Holland' even though the officially correct approach is 'The Netherlands'.

Australia (apparently the lowest ranked of all the teams in the competition) managed to outplay Holland in the first half, and if anything the Aussies were perhaps unlucky not to be ahead.  Robben's individual effort was a good goal, but Cahill's goal a minute later was absolutely superb.  The penalty awarded to Australia was never a penalty; the ball hit the defender's trailing left hand from a powerful strike that was no more than two fucking yards from the hand. Still, 2-1 it was, until Van Persie got an equaliser.

Van Persie picked up a yellow card, after displaying not uncommon cuntishness.  He is forever pushing, elbowing and generally being thuggish in every game he plays, under the illusion that it is impossible for the attacking player to commit a foul, and that defenders are always the offenders.  He'll miss the next game, but he was around in this one to put Holland 3-2 up, after Australia almost managed to take the lead.  The error by the Aussie keeper was unfortunate, and gave the Dutch a lead they were not really worthy of.

Robben showed us a number of times how to fall to the ground at the slightest touch, while De Jong tried to get a yellow card without success.  Van Persie was substituted after 87 minutes and while some orange fans clapped, there was sufficient other noise, jeering and booing to suggest that he's not the most popular of players.

There was sadly an inevitability about the result, and so whatever the preceding play and effort warranted, with perhaps a draw as the fairest result, the Dutch managed to get through the game despite not managing to deal with the Australians as well as they'd killed off Spain in the last match.

The funniest and most telling comment in this coverage was actually by Patrick Vieira in the studio, who at half time likened a challenge by Tim Cahill to a "Roy Keane challenge", explaining that it was late and with the purpose of taking the man out.  Well done, Patrick, for saying it exactly how was needed!

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7.6.14 World Cup - USA v Ghana

What a really exciting game.  Okay, the quality of the football was not really there for a lot of the time, but the tension and interest was maintained to the very end.  After the USA scored just 30 seconds into the game, it was pretty much one way traffic, and when the second half started, I thought it was a matter of time before Ghana equalised, and then scored again.

The clock ticked, and the referee maintained inexplicable leniency, allowing Ghana to finish the game with all eleven players.  There is no doubt that had he issued yellow cards appropriately during the game, this would not have been so.  Ghana were not muscling people off the ball, nor were they "strong" - they simply fouled a lot and generally got away with things.  Atsu didn't take a single throw-in that was legitimate, and I suggest that a World Cup is not really the stage to demonstrate foul throws.  Still, the ultra-lenient referee ignored this.  Robbie Savage, during his pathetic 'commentary' was saying how shocking some of the challenges were, and this from a man whose own conduct on the pitch was never short of 'savage' for years!  He said nothing all game that was worth listening to.

When Ghana equalised with eight minutes of normal time to go, I expected them to serve a hammer blow to the USA.  Okay, their finishing all game had been diabolical, but the mounting pressure was sure to count for something. Then, a perfect example of determination winning out was evident when the USA won a corner. The defender did not so much "shield" the ball, hoping to gain a goal kick, but forcibly stuck his body and arse into the path of the chasing USA player.  It was actually a foul, but the ref gave a corner, seeing as the defender accidentally touch the ball as it crossed the line.  The corner yielded a headed goal, and I was so pleased for the USA.

So, not so much for footballing reasons, but for determination, persistence, patience and resilience, the victory by the USA was actually quite inspirational.

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16.6.14 Nigeria v Iran

The first half was simply fucking awful, and watching some paint drying would have resulted in more entertainment, and a better outcome.

The second half was no better at all, and so a second coat of fucking paint to watch. A shocking display of awful football in every respect.  So dire were the two teams that Wayne Rooney would have scraped 'man of the match'.  The score was 0-0 of course.


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16.6.14 Germany v Portugal

For this match, Germany opted to replicate the colours of a cigarette packet - Embassy Number 1 - and the team was certainly on fire.  A penalty put them 1-0 up after 12 minutes, and on 32 minutes, a brilliant header from a corner made it 2-0.  The whinging Portuguese had surrounded the referee after the penalty was awarded, and their general demeanour was one of discontent at many things.  I noticed Pepe moaning to the referee just before a Portugal corner, and thought to myself was a juvenile.  So it turned out to be the case, when shortly after, he was caught in possession of the ball close to his own goal, and his arm pushed away the German attacker in desperation.  Whilst Muller writhed around as though he'd been poked in the eye with a javelin, Pepe decided (with hundreds of millions of people watching) that it was a good idea to stick his head into the German's while berating him, and administer a rather lame head butt.  What a prize twat.

A minute into injury time, the Germans scored a third goal and so at half time, the match was beyond doubt.  In the ITV studio, there were nearly head butts plying as Patrick Vieira and Lee Dixon squared up, while the referee (Adrian Chiles) adopted his usual stance (well, in a sitting position) of useless dollop of shite, paid too much to do too little rather too poorly.

The second half was basically unnecessary, as the Germans were never going to lose the match.  Ozil missed a sitter, and then Nani managed to get into a tackle with his own team mate while running at the German goal.  Nani was generally in need of a nanny, or someone's tit to suck upon.  The moaning and stroppiness was not entirely unexpected from the prima donna, and I wondered when the wet nurse (trainer|) might have to administer rather more than a wet sponge.

Andy Townsend made history after 56 minutes, when he mentioned that Ronaldo needed to "make a yard".  Hitherto, Townsend had only ever dealt in "half-a-yard".  A couple of minutes later, Ronaldo was brought down just outside the German penalty area, and we had the first chance to see him take a run up and shot on goal.  Dale Winton popped into my mind ["Bring on the wall!"] when Ronaldo managed to do nothing spectacular, and simply kicked the ball into the wall.

Ozil [Embassy Number 8] was substituted after a rather limp performance.  At 75 minutes, there was a to-do about a penalty claim by Portugal, and this let to Ronaldo confronting the referee with his gurning and dissent.  Nothing doing, and just three minutes later, Germany were 4-0 up.

Ronaldo took a free kick from a long way out, and the Germans didn't bother with a big wall - they simply put a single player in the way (Lahm).  Ronaldo fucked up the kick and managed unbelievably to hit Lahm!

So, 4-0to Germany, and Ronaldo wishing he was in a team with some decent players.

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16.6.14 World Cup - Sunday 15th June

Switzerland v Ecuador

Somehow Switzerland managed to beat Ecuador in the last few seconds of the game, and sealing a 2-1 scoreline.  This was a surprise considering Ecuador seemed rather more comfortable for a long spell, but it was perhaps fitting after a perfectly good Swiss goal was ruled offside earlier in the second half.  So, a draw was averted, and keeps going the absence of any draws so far.  It was pleasing to that when the Swiss player was taken out by an Ecuadorian player, he got straight up and continued running towards the goal, and that the referee played advantage.  The attempt to stop the attack failed, and the Swiss scored the winner with thirty seconds of the game remaining; justice, eh?

France v Honduras

Later on, France completely outplayed Honduras, and escaped without any severe injuries.  This was a feat in itself, considering the outrageous brutality of the Hondurans, which lurked behind every single challenge.  How all eleven positions on the pitch were filled until the end of the game is a mystery. Honduras deserve not to get anything out of the competition as they are imply so dirty.  Meanwhile, France controlled the game so well, and Jonathan Pearce commentated in his usual good style for the BBC.  Sadly Martin Keown was with him, and on more than one occasion chucked in the usual cliches, including a few references to what some or other player has in his locker. Aside from this aspect, though, he couldn't be as irritating as Clarke Carlisle, who pestered my ears during the Switzerland v Ecuador match.

Argentina v Bosnia & Herzegovina

Argentina were poor, in the late game, and at half-time I considered them lucky as fuck to be 1-0 up, benefiting from an own goal by Bosnia and Herzegovina. The mind-numbing uselessness of B&H when it came to attacking was a source of frustration, though obviously a whole lot less annoying than the fucking Argentinian claims on the Falkland Islands.  I noticed when Messi skied a free kick that a banner claiming ownership was draped across a balcony, and so the banning of political statements is hardly being enforced.

Messi finally showed a bit of brilliance, during a ten-minute spell in the second half, to score a goal and put the Argies two up.  Before the game ended, there was an opportunity for the Argie goalkeeper to display ineptitude, and he seized the opportunity (rather than the fucking ball) by letting a Bosnian striker tap it between his legs, and we all watched the ball cross the line in what appeared to be slow motion.  This fluke-of-a-goal meant we had to endure a five-minute spell at the very end where there was a preposterous level of anticipation, but B&H could never have scored with such impotent and wasteful strikers.

As ever, post match "analysis" was dire in the extreme, and I am so fed up with being fed shit from so-called pundits who tell me what I've just seen, and add nothing to my life.

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15.6.14 Ivory Coast v Japan

Ivory Coast managed to overturn Japan's 1-0 lead in just a couple of minutes, in the second half.  No sooner had Drogba come on as a substitute, than the African players decided to play better and overrun the hard-working Japanese, winning 2-1.

Honda's first goal was a sweet strike of the ball, leaving the keeping flat-footed. The more powerful Ivorians got back into the game though, and had more energy in the latter stages.

The most annoying thing, though, in watching the match on ITV was the commentator's continual fucking use of Cote d'Ivoire instead of Ivory Coast. The inconsistency and annoyance was overwhelming.  He mentioned Ivorians rather than Ivoirians, so it suited him to use the English approach for that.  In the studio, everyone was happy to speak English, and the score caption on the screen all the way through the game referred to IVC.  For some reason, though, Gary Bloom was completely obsessed with referring to the country in French.  Thankfully you were not commentating on Angleterre v Italia.  I hope Fleur de Gary is pleased with himself.

I note that he did not refer to Japan as Nippon, so please explain that, Gary?  I suspect that you were trying to be politically correct, but managed to fuck-up and annoy.  If you're given the next game Spain feature in, are we to hear Espana from your lips?

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15.6.14 England v Italy

As we so often hear, "Football is a game of two halves," but the England team thinks only the first half counts.  It therefore came as no surprise - in fact I fully expected it - when a slovenly start to the second half saw Italy go ahead again. England had 10 corners, and made no fucking use of any of them.  Italy had just two or three and scored from one.

Jo Hart - 2/10
Does not inspire confidence generally, and tonight was no exception.  Jagielka saved his bacon with the clearance off the line at the end of the first half, after Hart needlessly dashed out and then stayed put like a fucking tombstone. Lucky again when the free kick late on hit the bar while he was star-gazing.

Glen Johnson - 2.5/10
Why the fuck everyone kept on insisting on giving him the fucking ball I don't know.  Apart from a few good passes early in the second half, he wasted the ball on a regular basis, or simply passed it back again.  He also likes to be out-of-position for 75% of the game.

Wayne Rooney - 1/10
Yes, he passed the ball to Sturridge for the goal, but for the other 89 minutes, he was fucking terrible.  Some stupid twat decided he was worth a weekly salary of £250,000.  That exemplifies just how fucked up everything is about England, let alone the football team.

Raheem Sterling - 7/10
He was the best player, although in the second half he tended to slow right down, and play pat-a-cake, mostly with Glen Johnson.

Leighton Baines - 3/10
Did very little of any use at all.  He got caught for the whole first half by the Italian winger who hugged the touchline and meant he was scrambling backwards, and whenever anyone passed the ball to him going forward, he passed it back again; yawn.

Daniel Sturridge - 6/10
Tried hard and did score a goal. Worth his place, even if he can fall over from a greater height than his starting position when fouled!

Danny Welbeck - 6/10
Another industrious performance, and hustled well.

Steven Gerrard - 4.5/10
Generally okay, and tried a few long passes, so that the receiving player could tap it back again.  Was bundled over by the big fucker in the Italian defence, and should have been awarded a penalty.  However, he hadn't even enough energy left to appeal.  The post-match interview with Gabby Logan was shit enough for me to deduct half a point.

Gary Cahill - 3.5/10
A typical donkey-like performance that included letting Balotelli get behind him to score.

Jordan Hederson - 4/10
Another donkey, but with no identifiable mistake.

Phil Jagielka - 5/10
Yet another donkey, but worth an extra half for saving a definite goal by Balotelli after Joe Hart fucked up.

Ross Barklay - 5/10
Given just half an hour on the pitch, he had limited chances to do that much, especially with Rooney taking the ball off him to waste it.

Jack Wilshere - 2/10
He came on with twenty minutes to go and contributed precisely fuck all.

Adam Lallana - 5/10
Given just ten minutes, there was nothing he could do, but he showed willing, ran a lot, and suggested he'd have been deserving of more time.  He did double what Wilshere did in half the time.

Phil Neville - 0.5/10
Dire commentary, and the half point is awarded to recognise the periods of silence that he blessed us with.

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14.6.14 Uruguay v Costa Rica

Well done, Costa Rica, for a brilliant effort and performance.  Uruguay were completely outplayed, and managed little more than some dangerous challenges, culminating in the sending off of Pereira for a really awful kick.  Joe Campbell was a star for Costa Rica.  Good entertainment all round.

This was all in complete contrast to today';s earlier game - what a waste of space.  Greece never really got going, and were always just a bit short of decent all the way through the game.  Meanwhile, Colombia were stronger, and more eager to score - no surprise that they did, then, three times.

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14.6.14 World Cup - What Have We Learned So Far?

After just three days, I have been able to draw a number of conclusions regarding the World Cup, and the coverage in the UK.

Brazil

First, we have learned that the Brazil team is a long way short of excellent, and will have to rely on refereeing bias to try and make good on the deficit.  So far (well, after just one match) that seems to be a good policy, and to Croatia's annoyance and dismay, Brazil managed to steal three points from the opening game.  Meanwhile, the Japanese referee is probably in hiding, fearing retribution from Croatians.  David Luiz is not happy either, as Neymar seems to have stolen his status as thug-of-the-month.  Fred simply proved on Thursday night that he will fall over if he receives a tap on the shoulder.  Let's hope at the next family wedding, when he's on the dance floor with a woman, that a tap on the shoulder by an uncle who wants to take over the dance does not turn into a claim for a fucking penalty, while he writhes on the floor in agony.  Let's instead hope that there's someone in authority to decide it's more of a case of Oops Upside Your Head.

Mexico

Despite superior play for most of the game, Mexico managed to win just 1-0 against Cameroon.  Luckily for all concerned, the efforts of the officials to thwart the Mexicans were unsuccessful and after disallowing two legitimate goals, no one could deny that the third goal had to stand.  Conspiracy theorists might have argued that this bias against Mexico was in fact aimed at giving an advantage to Brazil.  Mexico deserved to win, against the 11 Macaroons and the three Officials.  If the inept, and "physical" opponents [for this, read "dirty"] had won, I would have envisaged mayhem.

Cameroon

Generally without much of a clue and not very interesting to watch.  Not averse to tripping, kicking, barging or showing studs.

Spain

What a disastrous start.  I blame the obsession with pointless passes, a feature of the Spanish game that sends statisticians loopy.  Yes, the pass success may well typically reach 98%, but 60% of passes in any game are usually unnecessary.  This level of overkill produced no goals.  The one goal that was scored came from a dubious penalty.  No one can say for sure whether the back leg received any contact, but there is no doubt at all that the Spanish ** player played for it.  After that, the chance missed by David Silva was the last time Spain had a real chance to make something of the game. After that, the Dutch marched forward and simply outplayed the Spanish.

** Diego Costa is now Spanish, but two years ago he was Brazilian.  How fickle, and this must be behind the various jeering that accompanied his efforts during the game.  It might, though, have been the airing of general discontent for his having escaped punishment for a head butt.  Either way, an unpopular bloke in Brazil.  I was going to make more of Costa's dubious nationality, but this morning's Daily Mail highlights that 208,000 immigrants were last year given British passports, so I think that one footballer is perhaps rather less worrying than the city-full portions of acceptance happening each year in the UK.

Netherlands

The "The" seems to have been dropped in most areas of reporting and coverage, these days - slightly less of a change than the complete renaming of "Holland", the team that used to be present in World Cups in years gone by. Robben and Van Persie are on fire, and so with the added support of Manchester United fans, the Dutch are on a high, and so very orange at the moment.

Chile

A certain flair proves that Chile has come a long way since the Battle of Santiago in 1962. [If you've never seen it, put it into YouTube and marvel at the outrageousness]  In those days, the players somehow felt entitled to kick shit out of each other.  Fortunately this trait was not carried forward to the modern game, except by Roy Keane, who is of course an exception in all respects - Southgate will tell you.

These days, Chile is able to field a team of players rather than entrants to a Kung-Fu tournament, and the team has been described as the 'dark horse' of the World Cup.  Australia certainly came off worse.

Australia

Unfortunately there's little hope for the Australians, and despite great efforts, the team will most surely be ejected very shortly.

ITV

Despite attempts by protesters to silence Adrian Chiles, he manages to drone on still.  The thick glass that shielded him from the stones and rocks thrown by Brazilian protesters did its job, which is a result for the insurers and for ITV, but a travesty for football coverage and the ears of millions.  This is all made worse by the fact that ITV seems to need a full hour before kick-offs to bore us into submission.  I have looked ahead to coverage this coming week, and it seems that on some occasions, programmes start less than an hour beforehand, mercifully.  Aside from Chiles, there is the completely fucking useless theme song that's played - the one that appears to have just one word - "Brazil". What shite.

Talking of shite - or not, as it turns out - we've at least been spared the views of Roy Keane for this World Cup, after he ducked out at the last second - unlike his hapless victims when Roy was kicking his way round a football pitch.

His choice to keep away from Brazil was a welcome one, and I for one am very pleased that someone with a rather brutal record is not given licence to pontificate on the efforts of professional footballers.

BBC

Despite the BBC sending nearly 300 people to Brazil [as though it were Sparta] I must be grateful that there is no Adrian Chiles equivalent.  Further, the preamble to any match is limited to 30 minutes, and thus more than enough. For this reason, plus the lack of Chiles, lack of advert breaks and lack of "Brazil" being mentioned to accompanying guitar music every few minutes, I'll be pleased to watch BBC1 while retaining annoyance that ITV gets 50% of the rights.

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