The weekly TV guide throws up a reasonable amount of amusement, at least for me it does. I am not sure if my mind is constructed differently from the minds of the average citizens of this country, but I do find the turns of phrase often nudge me towards interpretations that were not envisaged by the compilers, and towards criticisms which the compilers were no doubt not looking for.
I think some of the descriptions regarding certain programmes are better viewed without knowledge of the actual programme name. Sometimes the innuendos are rather in-your-face, but they can still be funny. As an example:
"The amateur cooks tackle three types of tart." This is a funny one-line description. It's a shame that the reference to 'cooks' is included, because that helps us realise that this is (yet another) cookery programme, and so the 'tart' reference is less funny. However, there are other oddities in the schedules.
"The experts come across a collection of Royal Doulton ceramics." Do they indeed!
"Featuring a pair of 19th century Chinese ginger jars. Last in series." I wondered whether the jars were ginger, or were the holders of ginger, before then considering whether the jars were the last in a series of jars, or if it was the programme itself that was the last one.
Elsewhere in the schedules, there is riveting entertainment by way of a 45 minute programme which carries the following appetite-wetter. "A woman falls of her bike and a seven-year-old makes a 999 call." This was actually a comment on Real Rescues and is clearly a wonderfully entertaining and challenging experience for of all. Yeah, right! "A family's washing is set alight by a cooker" is another episode awaiting our attention. I suspect the 'cooker' was not a person, but a hot thing that somehow transmitted its heat in the wrong direction and/or a bit too far. How enthralling.
Elsewhere, I have seen more excitement lined up for viewers. "A dog that became ill by eating a bone undergoes surgery." Fuck me, it all happens, eh? Who'd have thought it - a dog eating a bone! Another programme in this series contains some relocation. "Chris Shaw prepares to move 13 dogs from an unsuitable home." I assume this refers to animals rather than a rather inappropriate reference to ugly people. Perhaps the wallpaper and ambience is not up to scratch for the canine inhabitants (?) Yet another 45-minute helping is dog-related: "An aggressive pit bull is seized by police officers." This is not to be confused with any other similar programme that could be described: "A pit bull is seized by aggressive police officers." A final comment on this padding in the schedules by BBC1 concerns the listing for 20th August: "Inspector Emma Ellis saves two dogs with fleas and mites." So, she didn't need a lead, or a cage, nor did she save them using a step ladder of emergency vehicle. No, all she needed was a few fleas and some mites. Amazing!
I was totally let down by Celebrity Masterchef, after the (false) promise of some violence. Under the pretence that there would be an exciting finale. "Laila Rouass, Gareth Gates, George Layton and Emma Kennedy prepare apple tarte Tatin withe creme anglaise and a dish of their own creation - before one of them is eliminated." I waiting for the firing squad, or the club to the back of the head, but no one was on the receiving of the elimination I was hoping for.
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