Saturday 11th
There was not much on yesterday, but I did manage to pluck out some notable entries in my TV Guide. I'll ignore all the cooking-based shit, and just note a few low-lights for you.
2:00pm BBC1 - Garden Rescue Two ex-servicemen's backyards.....
I stopped reading after that.
6:30pm BBC2 - Nature's Biggest Beasts No, there's no mention at all of Gemma Collins, and instead the information is How Komodo dragons and giraffes overcome the challenge of their size.
8:30pm ITV - The Voice This is the show where over the course of an hour and a half, less intro, adverts, recaps, padding and competition announcements, about six entrants are nudged on stage so that we can all watch the pathetic angst of four nobs who might or might not turn around. The ratio of singing to other stuff is appalling, and The Voice should be renamed The Shananigans of the Judges.
10:00pm ITV - Shopping With Keith Lemon Has there ever been a worse concept for a television programme, or an edition with such poor content? The person who pitched this to ITV is a wanker, whilst ITV is a wanker-of-an-entity for accepting it. The guide told me: Keith goes rug shopping with antiques legend David Dickinson and visits an Asian supermarket with singer-songwriter Lily Allen, while also talking about their respective lives and careers. I am sure you don't need me to highlight the numerous flaws in the whole thing, aside from references to a rug, and Lily Allen. Just pathetic all round, and deserving of a WTCF?
Sunday 12th
Today, I plan to watch paint dry, and possibly devote an hour or two to watching bread exposed to air, gently curl on the kitchen side, in preference to anything on the TV.
6:00pm ITV - Dancing On Ice Does anyone give a fuck about who can and who cannot skate? Apparently another six famous faces make their debut on the ice. Hopefully their bodies, especially the legs, accompany them, and I am forced to ignore the singular of debuts in the guide's waffle about the tired programme. But then I see another grammatical howler: The full line-up of celebrities are Ben Hanlin, Caprice, Joe Swash etc. The line-up are. WTCF?
6:45pm C4 - The Great Pottery Throw Down The 17th pointless programme with "Great" in the title, and a whittling down of contestants over far too many weeks. There are ten fucking programmes in this potty show.
9:00pm BBC1 - The Trial Of Christine Keeler There has been a perfectly good film made about the Profumo affair, called Scandal, devoting 115 minutes of any viewer's life to the events of 1963. I suggest that the only 'Trial' here is the gruelling six hours over six weeks that the viewer will need to invest to be updated on things, not that anything has changed of course. Today there's the chance to see the 4th hour.
Monday 13th
11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed Two thieves who stole a tortoise from a zoo. A delightful thirty minutes of 'entertainment', not!
9:00pm ITV - Cold Feet. One to avoid, of course.
Tuesday 14th
11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed Detectives follow a trail of blood that leads to an elusive thief. Not that elusive, then!
8:00pm BBC2 - Cornwall: This Fishing Life Competition is fierce as the ring-netters of Newlyn go out on the hunt. This reads so much better if the 'h' in 'Fishing' is swapped with a 't'.
9:00pm C5 - Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild This reads so much better if the 'e' in 'New' is swapped with an 'o'.
Wednesday 15th
12:05am C5 - Kerry Katona: In Therapy Late night viewing for anyone who's desperate, depressed and discombobulated to fuck.
Thursday 16th
11:45am BBC1 - Caught Red Handed A mum fears for her life as two men armed with an axe head for her room. Well, she's got a keen eye, then..... no flies on her!
Friday 17th
8:00pm ITV - The Greek Islands With Julia Bradbury Is anyone else a bit fed up with watching her being paid to go on holiday, and wander around? I most certainly am.
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