Sunday, 26 February 2017

26.2.17 A Selection of Quotes From 2016




The only sausage I ever wanted was your father's.  [Old woman in Lidl, talking to her daughter and son-in-law]

Millionaire underwear typhoon Michelle Mone . . . [Mail Online, meaning 'tycoon']

It is still prudent to air on the side of how it can be related to the role.  [Mail Online, again displaying journalism and English ability of the lowest standard]

We're down to the last four, which means that one of you will just miss out on being in the top three. [Declan Donnelly, on BGT]

Gilded with gold.  [Twat on Radio 4]

I don't like being lopsided.  [Mrs MWSC, referring to carrying shopping bags]

In and around the pink ball.  [Ken Doherty, being an idiot while commentating on the snooker]

If Ding gets his teeth in front . . .  [Steve Davis at The Crucible]

They've found a new "specie".  [Allegedly intelligent woman archaeologist on Radio 4]

You've got two minutes; it's high octane!  [Mark Durden-Smith on Freeze Out, a painfully awful and laboured quiz show]

They are all numerically numbered.  [Worker on Grand Designs, who was dismantling something brick by brick, but not managing to appreciate 'numbered' needs no qualifier of 'numerically]

Recommending the very epicentre of Scotland.  [Paul Murton on BBC2 being a wanker with his use of language and pretentious blurb - there had not been an earthquake, by the way]]

Has he been carcerated ?  [Mother of TMWSC about the dog, meaning to say 'castrated']

Supporting a nutritional foundation for life.  [SMA advert, saying shit-all]

Everything's lopsided if there are two of them: bollocks; tits; curtains  [TMWSC]

It seems to be deja vu all over again.  [Robert Peston, arse, on Radio 4]

I'll never forget that film, what was it?  [Mrs MWSC]

It was maroony pinky red.  [Debbie DW talking shit]

You'd put your foot in it if you could find it.  [TMWSC to Debbie DW]

I'm lacking in the neck department.  [Paloma Faith]

I quite like having a big one from time to time.  [Mrs MWSC]

If you're awake, you drink.  [Mrs MWSC]

Fuck off with your shrinking kids.  [TMWSC]

I'm not gonna die if I don't have a copper bat.  [TMWSC]

Always keep away from children.  [Advert for Ariel, referring to the product rather than kids]

Do they work?  [TMWSC to DDW after she announced her new boyfriend has nice eyes]

It has weakened its strength.  [Narrator on The Ice Hotel]

For Arka, it's deja vu all over again.  [Narrator on The Ice Hotel]

Fuck off with your cinnamon.  [Debbie DW]

You can't change history but you can change the future.  [Darts commentator, profound indeed]

It would have been worse if senior managers had been fingered.  [Radio 4, ref J Savile report]

If you don't come and have a look at these things, you won't see it will you.  [Anon]

I've got to kill this, I've got to smash it.  [First pathetic words of Vivica Jade on The Voice]

I don't bother with popcorn.  [TMWSC]

I struggle if I hit the back of my throat with my toothbrush!  [Mrs MWSC after discussing the Britain's Got Talent amazing sword swallower]

She's like a marrow with legs.  [TMWSC regarding the woman with Pudsey on BGT]

I'm vaguely at war.  [Sue Scarrott]

I  must have a bigger right knee, or do more on it.  [Jess, after TMWSC highlighted worn trousers]

Here's another numerical stat.  [Twat weather forecaster on Radio 4]


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