30.6.15 Asda Strikes Again

Asda has a terrible record for making offers in the aisles, but not setting them up at the tills.  As a result, customers are overcharged.  Yet again, I have just suffered this phenomenon, after outlaying just over £100 at one of the stores.

As ever, I stumbled across nonsensical pricing policies, and had to adjust my shopping habits to cater for the lunacy that Asda introduces to the aisles.  An example was the Clover, which was available at £1.97 for a kilo tub.  This was apparently a mark-down from £3.50.  The exact same price, £1.97, was shown on the ticket a few inches along, where allegedly the 500g version was marked down from £2.50 to £1.97.  What a fucking mess.

Elsewhere, I purchased some dry roasted peanuts.  I opted for the 500g packet at £2.00 rather than pay £1.98 for the 300g version on the shelf directly above.  There were no offers in play at all, so this can only lead to the conclusion that Asda has lost the plot.

At the checkouts, I packed the shopping and paid, after which I checked the receipt to see what rip-offs were hoping to go unnoticed.  I found two.

1 - I bought three tubes of Strawberry Fruitella sweets, which were supposed to be £1.00 rather than the 60p individual price.

2 - I bought three passata cartons at 50p each, but they were showing as 87p each on the receipt.

The overall outcome was an overcharge at £1.91 through Asda being unable to implement the correct pricing at the tills.  Thus, I was forced to hang around at Customer Services while a uniformed worker pissed about on tills, having walked off to check the POS details.  The £1.91 was deducted from my card, and I had to sign a receipt.  Why it is deemed necessary for a customer to sign something to get back the money that has just been stolen via an Asda till I've no fucking idea!

On this occasion, I was handed a £2 gift card for my trouble.  I suspect that my pissed-off nature led to this outcome, because when I have previously had caused to follow a similar path, without seeming as pissed off, I've not been offered any gift card.

I left with my rapidly defrosting frozen items dampening other produce, and made my escape.

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7.6.15 Annoying and Pointless

Perhaps

Is there any more annoying pronunciation transgression than deciding to reinvent the word 'perhaps', and utter "prehaps" instead?  No!

Award Winning

The relentless use of "award winning" as a description has now reached ludicrous proportions.  Not only is the term a fucking annoyance now, in all cases, but there is rarely any attempt to clarify which award is being referred to, or what the award was supposedly for.

Signals

There are numerous twats on the road who seem to think that indicating right at a roundabout is an appropriate action when going straight on.  It is not!  I would like to emphasise that indicating right is NOT the equivalent of saying "I am not turning left".

Super

The allegedly 'trendy' use of the word "super" in front of just about anything the speaker or writer feels like.  Worse is the use of "Uber", which displays a heightened level of pretentiousness and pure cuntism.  I saw a piece in the Mail Online about a fancy glass dome for the garden, in which the following was included: "It's the ultimate uber-shed".  FUCK OFF!

Props

The uses of the term "props" should be cunting outlawed!

Gok

The pseudo-science that is attached to the pathetic Activia adverts, and of course Gok Wan himself.

Screen Space

It is now almost impossible to watch any screen without it being cluttered by some sort of advert or logo.  This unwelcome interference is now so prevalent that a large percentage of the frame is eaten away.  Even online clips are littered with Facebook and Twitter facilities for sharing/tweeting, and thus spreading the shit.  This level of contamination is awful.  Television is now impossible to watch without some sort of screen encroachment, unless it's BBC1 or BBC2 that's in play.  Watching a film is best on a DVD, where there is no touting of anything.

Other Annoyances =

Kanye West - everything about him
Jonathan Ross - his personality and self-obsession
Gemma Collins - all two tonnes
Mel Giedroyc - her face and voice
Anything 'Kardashian'
Russell Brand and anything associated with the TWAT
Millie Mackintosh - pointless indeed

Supermodel

The misuse and misappropriation of the pathetic term supermodel.  There is no 'qualification' for gaining this title, other than the faddish approach of whichever media twat is charged with relaying to us a non-story.  As a result, all sorts of nobodies [how ironic] get deemed 'supermodels'.

Secret Millionaire Ireland

I sat through a whole hour of this Channel 4 offering, in which Ramona pissed about in Gallway, ahead of "giving away thousands of euro," as stated by the narrator.  This was infuriating, because 'euro' is not a plural term at all - EUROS for more than one!  Aside from the ludicrous creation of a non-existent "eureaux", I was even less impressed with Ramona, a woman who was apparently successful, running a chain of chemists.  The sum total of her three donations was 35,000 euros - worth little more than £25,000.  That was hardly impressive, especially as the three cheques were issued on a business account.  This was, overall, a damp fucking squib of a programme.

Up To

There is no such cunting word as . . . . . upto.  People who use this should be shot.

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6.6.15 Letterbox or Litterbox?

I object to receiving junk mail.  But more than the annoyance at companies writing to me with their efforts to tout shit is the absolute rage that comes with the postman dumping shit through the letterbox, addressed to "The Occupier". This is simply litter.  This process is little better than fly tipping, and creates national mountains of waste paper.   I advocate sticking them back into the local post box; let's see how the Post Office likes it when it is used as a rubbish collection service.  The bright red pick-up points are easily found.  Fill them up with the junk and maybe there might be some second thoughts about flooding the country with nonsense - repeatedly.

On a tangential note, I would like to express my cunting annoyance at TalkTalk.  As one of the offenders (above) it has been writing to me forever about how it would like me to subscribe.  In response to a Facebook suggested post, I contacted CuntCunt to switch my internet, with a sim pack attached.  The result was, after a slight delay because of "problems with the internet at their end" a confirmation message that the Cuntpany did not in fact offer the services to my postcode and that I could not take advantage of the offer!  If my postcode is not serviceable, why the cunting fuck have I been pestered and swamped with flyers?

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3.6.15 More BBC4 Stupidity

In the last few weeks, there's been more pompousness and stupidity regarding the titles of programmes aired on BBC4.  The unnecessary length of these self-indulgent offerings is simply ludicrous.  Judge for yourself. 


Timeshift: Spicing Up Britain - How Eating Out Went Exotic

Timeshift: Hurricanes and Heatwaves - The Highs and Lows of British Weather

Narnia's Lost Poet: The Secret Lives and Loves of C.S. Lewis

Drills, Dentures and Dentistry: An Oral History

Bullseyes and Beer - When Darts Hit Britain: Timeshift

Building Burma's Death Railway: Moving Half the Mountain

Dancing in the Blitz: How World War Two Made British Ballet

Tales From The Tour Bus: Rock 'n' Roll On The Road

Guts: The Strange and Wonderful World of the Human Stomach

Secrets of the Universe: Great Scientists in Their Own Words

Britain's Greatest Pilot: The Extraordinary Story of Captain Winkle Brown

Fighting for King and Empire: Britain's Caribbean Heroes

Je T'aime: The Story of French Song with Petula Clark

Imagine: Dame Shirley Bassey: The Girl from Tiger Bay

Timeshift: The Nation's Railway: The Golden Age of British Rail

Gershwin's Summertime: The Song That Conquered the World

Timeshift: The Ladybird Books Story - How Britain Got the Reading Bug

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3.6.15 Today's Terrible Television

It comes as no surprise to me that today's normal channels have offered fuck all by way of entertainment, and more than that, have had the nerve to consider some entries on the listings as suitable for anything, let alone viewing!  Let's just have a run through the various highlights, which are of course lowlights, if you get my drift.  I am so glad I am not unemployed, and consigned to the sofa for daytime television.

I have of course added my own notes alongside the actual printed details.

BBC1 11.00 Claimed and Shamed
A convict who faked a fall from his bunk bed. (HD)
Sounds as riveting as fuck!  What next?  "John Gets a Splinter - Oops, Not Really", maybe?


BBC1 11.30 Don't Get Done, Get Dom
Dominic Littlewood helps a couple whose caravan has damp. (R) (HD)
I wonder if Dominic ought to try doing something meaningful with his life.


BBC1 1.45 Doctors
Daniel struggles to control his anger, while Ayesha is given a taste of her own medicine. (HD)
This counts as "Pun of the Day", I suggest.


BBC1 3.00 Escape to the Continent
Anita Rani helps a London couple to find a new family home in Stockholm.
Surely to God the couple can do their own fucking house hunting?


BBC2 1.45 One Man and His Campervan
Martin Dorey searches for edible mushrooms. (R) (HD)
Tesco, mate, next to the cunting carrots!


BBC2 6.30 Beat the Brain
Four members of Bristol's Southville Running Club pit their wits against the all-knowing Brain in the hope of winning £3,000.  John Craven hosts.
What a pointless exercise, and why does the Beeb feel obliged to occupy the tired and drab John Craven and his whistling through his teeth?


ITV 3.00 Dickinson's Real Deal
Corrie Jeffery is tempted by a menagerie of Royal Doulton animals. (HD)
I thought bestiality was illegal? 


Channel 4 6.30 Hollyoaks
Reenie accuses Porsche of lying, while Sinead struggles to hide her feelings when John Paul offers to babysit. (HD)
All I can do is wonder at the move away from spelling Portia properly, as in the character from The Merchant of Venice, to the pathetic copying of the car manufacturer!


Channel 4 8.00 The Auction House
New series.  The staff prepare for the biggest auction of the year. (HD)
Oh, so they get on and do their jobs, then.  Hardly newsworthy.  


Channel 4 9.00 24 Hours in A&E
A builder breaks his neck after falling off his shed.  See Pick of the Day.
This sound comedic rather than tragic.  Do we really have to run trailers and teasers for watching people who are in hospital?


Channel 5 11.10 Cowboy Builders & Bodge Jobs
A family with a leaky shower. (HD)
Fucking laughable.


Channel 5 12.00 Blinging Up Baby: The Blinger, The Better
A mother plans a lavish birthday party for her daughter. (R)
There is no place for shit like this on British television.

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1.6.15 Quote of the Month - May

I don't want gin.  [Sue, in a moment of weirdness! 30th May 2015]

Worried by those in and around him.  [Andy Townsend, regarding Tevez, and so taking the "in and around" obsession a bit too far]

When they drop it in and around Ramos.  [AT again, suggesting the ball might go 'in' Ramos]

What you're hoping to extrapolate out is . . .  [David Coulthard talking shite]

It will give him less of those tyres to use.  [Ben Edwards commentating on Qualifying, and asserting that tyres counts as a mass noun, and ignoring correct English (Fewer)]

They've always got big knickers and no brain.  [TMWSC]

I imagine that's what Shrek's shit looks like.  [Leanne]

Well that's just the beginning of her problems, isn't it?  [Mrs MWSC, after TMWSC said "She's got too many teeth" regarding a woman on TV accepting a BAFTA]

Them three lost their discipline.  [Phil Neville]
Them three players had to sprint back.  [Phil, again . . ]

This has been a question mark - his passing.  [Martin Keown]

That knack of arriving at the right moment, at the right time.  [Phil Neville]

There'll be a good deal of usable weather around, this weekend.  [BBC Weather twat]

This just summed it off.  [Alan Shearer, confusing 'rounded off' with 'summed it up']

That was also a figment of the game.  [Steve Claridge)

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