3.3.15 The Dangers of PCR

There is clearly an epidemic of PCR in this country.  There can be no doubt whatsoever, as evidenced by the steps that have been taken by councils across the UK to provide human input, designed to serve as some sort of protection, or perhaps deterrent.

I have no idea what must have caused the phenomenon that sees car drivers try to ram those pedestrians engaged in road crossing, or why there are noticeable 'peak times' for such actions.  There must have been some science behind the actions of councils, because there would need to have been some proof that risk of injury or death is much greater from 8.30am to 9.00am, and from 3.00pm to 3.30pm.  I am sure that there must have been some research undertaken by a university, to try and explain why traffic lights lose all of their powers between the aforementioned times of the day.  Why else would drivers, at the very same times, lose all sense of perspective, and simultaneously have little regard for human life?

PCR is not to be confused with CPR [Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation] which is something that might in fact be used on any injured parties after an incidence of PCR.  PCR is of course Pelican Crossing Rage.  This condition flares up for just one hour per day, usually during two half-hour windows.  This affliction (also known as Puffin Crossing Rage) is one that could seriously undermine all efforts of those associated with road safety, so it comes as no surprise that there is a massive army of workers clad in yellow outfits, all armed with poles bearing a round sign, giving an overall appearance of a placard being brandished.

The preventative measures employed via this army (93% of which is female) are clearly effective, as we see that the lunacy of drivers is more than countered by the 'magical powers' of the placard-waving little people.  How safe the road-crossers must feel during the two half-hour peak dying times [Monday to Friday].  The protection given by those charged with fighting PCR is directly (though inversely) proportional to all those whose natural abilities to cross a road and/or press a button suddenly disappear.  In their hour of need, when stranded and thumbless, the children and parents of the UK are saved by the arrival of people who arrive just in time - people who are typically dressed in yellow coats that are overly long.  Despite the sleeves most commonly covering small hands, training has allowed them to operate a button successfully, despite the handicap of excess reflective material. As a result, the sterling efforts of the temporarily insane drivers who succumb to PCR are dealt with.

As the owners of hands that are clamped on a steering wheel see before them amber lights followed by red lights, they find their feet automatically directed towards a brake pedal rather than stuck firmly in the "ram the cunts" position, firmly against the throttle.  It is thanks to the intervention of the custodians of the crossings that fatalities are not witnessed in their thousands, daily.

In Parliament, there is much concern over the best way to influence the younger generation, and improve educational techniques.  Only with some cross-party initiatives might there be any progress in helping youngsters (and any parents collecting kids from school) not to relinquish their abilities to press a button at a crossing.  Until MPs have established the most appropriate course of action to tackle this phenomenon, then there seems little option but to encourage councils to carry on as they are.

Thus, it is likely that for some considerable time to come, no one will be assumed capable of pressing a fucking button on a Pelican (or Puffin) crossing during the hours of 8.30am to 9.00am and 3.00pm to 3.30pm other than those trained as Lollipop People.  Only the presence of a Lollipop person in high visibility clothing will mean drivers do not drive full pelt at a red light, killing with a gleeful yet weirdly manic disposition.

   Possible training approach, ahead of dispensing with lollipop people

Meanwhile, university research is expected to yield results by early 2018, and we may then get some sort of explanation as to why at 3.29pm a driver will ignore a red light and ram anyone on a crossing unless a Lollipop person is in view, yet will obey the Highway Code and stop at a red light come 3.31pm.

PCR sufferers are commonly afflicted with a similar condition, ZCR.  As you might have guessed, this stands for Zebra Crossing Rage, and drivers mimic all the signs associated with PCR.  Temporary blindness to black and white means that only with the hi-vis yellow and a lollipop in view are drivers capable of slowing and stopping when anyone is crossing on the stripes. Again, the affliction is limited to peak times; for off-peak (ie. 23 hours per day) the drivers are unaffected by ZCR, and councils across the UK are unconcerned about accidents on Zebra Crossings.

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