28.7.14 Josie Cunningham - Not Quite Joe Le Taxi

Sadly there is rather too much attention and coverage given to the waster, Josie Cunningham.  Her boob job on the NHS, and her taxpayer-funded taxi rides have hardly endeared her to the nation.  What I am struggling so hard with is how the cuntin fuck anyone (including Josie) thinks she is in ANY way attractive. The cosmetic surgery was a disaster, but it was never really going to work when the foundations were so awful.

There is no funding (even from the taxpayer) that will ever be available to undo the personality flaws, the awful disposition and the outrageous sense of entitlement that afflicts JC.  Hearing that she smoked all the way through pregnancy was simply no surprise at all.  I fear for any kid whose mother is anywhere near as unattractive as JC.  The saddest part is that in using the word 'unattractive', I refer not to her looks (which of course are severely unattractive) but to the nature of an individual who should not really be allowed children, based on her moral compass and outbursts in the media.

"Sticks and stone will break my bones, but the taxpayer will always fund me."

If this truly is her mantra, then I think the NHS should ask for its silicone back, as there are so many other calls upon scarce resources, including numerous potholes that need filling.  I'd say 'well done' to Leeds Council for stopping the £150 per week taxi rides for this sponger, except for the fact that Leeds Council must be full of wankers, seeing as the freebie rides were dished out in the fucking first place!

Perhaps we should abbreviate her surname; the first three letter will be okay . . . we just need a 4th, I reckon, to replace the 'ningham' . . . . . any suggestions.  Tea anyone?

...

24.7.14 Nationality - UK Farce: WTF?

I remain as confused as the system itself is, regarding the supposed nationality of people, and this was demonstrated by a question to myself today, after reading that Mo Farah is not going to participate in the Commonwealth Games.  Apparently he's ill and cannot compete for 'Team England'.

Exactly why is he deemed to be English?  The Somali-born British Citizen is thus British, and managed quite ably to compete for the United Kingdom (of Great Britain and Northern Ireland) at the Olympics and other world events. For some weird reason, the Commonwealth, in the past referred to as the British Commonwealth, has a games which then refused to deal with Great Britain, but instead splits it into the 'home' nations.  We are of course used to this approach from the football world, although hypocritically the 2012 Olympics in London saw, for the first time, a team under the GB collective from the four entities.

Back to the athletics.  If Mo was adopted by Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and given 'British' status/identity, why does that mean he defaults to English when the UK decides to split itself for an athletics competition?  As ever, England is the poor relation in the un-United Kingdom.  The Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish have identities separate whilst within the UK, while England has little individual recognition let alone any power or substance.

...

17.7.14 Players Need a Doctor

A one-month break before the next football season gets underway will fly by, and we can all immerse ourselves in the soap opera that is the Premier League.  Thank heavens that Suarez will not be featuring, and if ever there was a time to say, or basis for saying, "I told you so", it's now, in respect of Liverpool's silly endorsement of their star in the last couple of years.  Now the club has dispensed with the 'services' of Suarez, there's a subtle claim that he was not suitable to be associated with Liverpool FC.  How hypocritical, after earlier clamouring to defend the indefensible.  As for Barcelona, I've lost any respect that might have existed beforehand.

Come the start of the season, we will still have to put up with players whose abilities do not stretch beyond "limited".  I am surprised there's not been a mass influx of medical attention, to try to deal with the many deficiencies clearly present in the minds and bodies of footballers.  Is there a doctor in the league?

Few players can manage to cope with the rules about throw-ins, and 10% of them are foul throws.  Then there's the taking of corners, and the inability of most to put the ball in the fucking quadrant.  The groundsman takes ages to mark out the pitch, and yet the players steadfastly refuse to put the ball inside the 90 degree section.  It used to be the case that the ball had to be inside the thing, but these days, there's been a move to accept a slight overhang of the ball on the line.  This twisting of logic and of common sense is still not enough for some, whose intent on taking a corner kick is to get away with placing the ball just outside the line, when it's on the side the linesman is not patrolling.

Then there is the inability of players to count to ten.  This can be the only explanation for referees now having to spend so much time and take weird measures, in order to enforce the 10-yard gap between the ball and a defending player.  The World Cup was the first we'd seen of the spray canister, and it's reported that the Premiership will 'benefit' from this approach this season, or at latest, next season.  Anything to help the players, eh? What's wrong with the proper approach of expecting them to retreat ten yards, and showing the Yellow Card to any cunt who acts like more of a cunt, and encroaches?

I wonder what the corrective action will be to help players not to kick a moving ball, when taking a free kick?  Clearly we cannot expect our star players to know when a ball is moving before thumping it up the pitch.  There has to be some sort of aid for them to know it's safe and legal to kick a ball, aside from looking at the fucking thing to see if it's moving!

Finally, it's a well known thing that no player can be trusted, and that integrity is not an integral part of the game.  Why else would there be so much appealing by players who are being twats?  We see them kick the ball out and then appeal for the throw to go their way.  The constant appealing and pestering of referees is like a playground squabble.  I suggest that rugby referees are brought in to manage the Premiership matches.  There is a level of respect and gentlemanly conduct in rugby that footballers simply do not recognise, let alone want to adopt.  I believe that the best system to improve things would be to introduce penalty points into each game, whereby there is a financial cost to being a cunt.  Every dodgy appeal, feigned injury, dive, and any general cuntishness leads to a deduction of money.  So, if a player dives and the evidence shows it, then £10,000 to charity.  That would sort the fuckers!

Finally, it seems there is a place as 'Number 2' for Ryan Giggs, because Louis van Gaal clearly cannot manage on his own, having only got third place in the World Cup.  I questioned earlier (above) whether there was a doctor in the league, and it seems there now is.  I reckon the honorary doctorate from Bolton University swung things for Ryan, and Mr van Gaal was impressed enough to ask Ryan to carry the plasters and the magic sponge.

...

16.7.14 Football Quotes - World Cup Special

"I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent.  At that moment I hit my face against the player leaving a small bruise on my cheek and a strong pain in my teeth."  [Luis Suarez]

"There's Fellaini, doing what he does best."  [Clarke Carlisle, on the replay showing Fellaini elbowing an opponent in the face]

"He got his head and his neck in the way of a 6 foot 4 German."  [Mark Lawrenson explaining sarcastically why it was Higuain's fault that he was clattered by the German keeper]

"They've found their feet."  [Danny Murphy]

"They've got more legs."  [Danny Murphy displaying stupidity]

"He just lends himself across the front of the back four."  [Martin Keown, talking shit]

"In the last ten minutes, Belgian came alive."  [Alan Shearer being typically thick]

"They're two young kids, just twenty-one."  [Alan Shearer, being patronising]

"They've got to move the ball quicker in and around the last third."  [One or the other, please, Andy Townsend]

"He's played very smart, very clever."  [Andy Townsend, refusing to acknowledge adverbs exist]

"It's the way he outstrengthed Varane."  [Ian Wright talking shite]

"The more I see them the more they replica that '86 squad."  [Glenn Hoddle being a thick twat]

"It's brought the stadium back to the cacophony of noise we started with."  [Clarke Carlisle trying to be clever, and stupidly deciding that 'cacophony' needs the word 'noise' to explain it]

"To coin a cliche."  [Adrian Chiles proving he's a moron]

"There are question marks about them to be answered."  [An old favourite used by a commentator, as if one can answer a question mark.]

"They're not left in tight vicinity of one of their opponents."  [Clarke Carlisle trying to match Glenn Hoddle for talking gibberish]

"Both were unanimous."  [Gabriel Clarke talking shit]

"That's good collective squeezing from Algeria."  [Andy Townsend]

"One player in particular, Lampard, or Gerrard."  [Phil Neville]

"They just don't know when they're beat."  [Martin Keown, still ignoring a whole tense of the English language]

"His manager is doing outstanding."  [Keown also removing adverbs from the English language and substituting adjectives]

"There was some positives there."  [Glenn Hoddle - I give up]

"He's got his hand in and around Sturridge's throat."  [An Andy Townsend classic]

"What do either side need to do?"  [Guy Mowbray stubbornly making the singular noun plural]

"We're not surprised that Holland have whined/wind/wined up at this stage of the competition."  [Clarke Carlisle reinventing how to say 'wound up']

"The idea's been muted for a while."  [Sam Matterface, meaning 'mooted' of course]

"Robben just dropped into a pocket of space."  [Guy Mowbray talking mumbo jumbo]

"If you get touched, go down."  [Glenn Hoddle!]

"The Germans look more calmer."  [Rio Ferdinand, refusing to speak English]

"I'm sure people are bored at me banging on about . . . . "  [Adrian Chiles, at last talking sense]

"Will the Greeks be at all offensive tonight?  [Matt Smith, and the answer is . . 'probably']

"They trust their hod carriers in behind Messi."  [Clarke Carlisle talking bollocks / bricks]

"At such an integral moment."  [Ian Wright, meaning 'important']

"I don't fink that no way he blah blah blah . . . "  [Ian Wright, as ever]

"Chewy Luis made the news."  [Dan Walker, actually being funny with his reference to Luis Suarez]

"It was more Delia than Biglia, wasn't it?"  [Mark Lawrenson, being as sexist as ever]

"Mueller's like a rash, isn't he?"  [Martin Keown being rather uncomplimentary]

"He's got that pass in the locker, hasn't he, Kroos."  [Martin Keown, on one of his many references regarding what players have in their lockers]

"Look at the wing span on him."  [Martin Keown, regarding the German keeper, Neuer]

"A promising career ruined by a needling brain injury."  [Andy Townsend, commenting on Nani]

"The Germans might declare in a minute."  [Martin Keown, trying to be funny]


...

15.7.15 World News Round-Up

Argentina

It was on the one hand refreshing to hear Maradona's comment that Lionel Messi should not have won the Golden Ball at the World Cup.  He is of course right, that Messi was not worthy of being called the best player of the tournament, and so there are other forces in play.  Maradona claims it was a 'marketing ploy' and he's probably correct; Messi himself looked rather despondent when collecting the gong - embarrassed, even.  On the other hand, I suspect Maradona has a rather personal agenda in making this judgement about Messi, because it serves him rather too well if Messi is judged not to have played well or delivered the right performances on the word stage.  The result is that he, Maradona, is still viewed as the reigning and all-time master of football to every Argentinian.

Argentinian President

Meanwhile, the country's president, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, welcomed back the footballers and their entourage, confirming that she had not watched a single match - not even the final.  With support like that, it's amazing she even bothered with the welcome.

There is no doubt that the strangely entertaining team manager, Alejandro Sabella, managed to do very well indeed, and is bowing out on a high, despite not actually winning the final.  To come second is no mean feet, especially with Messi playing, on average, only 20 minutes per game (though the stats will of course confirm he was on the field for all of each and every match).


Italy

The Costa Concordia has been lifted and put upright, in the salvage operation that's costing (no pun intended) an absolute fortune.  I suppose that there was not really much choice in what to do about the sunken wreck.  To leave the ship underwater would probably have been unacceptable to the relatives of those who drowned, and insulting to their memories.  Nevertheless, it seems that the cost of the total operation is now likely to be as much as £1.5billion. This is a phenomenal sum of money, and the scrap value won't compare in the slightest with such an amount.  Seeing as the fuel (2380 tonnes) was removed within two months, back in March 2012, there was no real danger to the environment.  Anyway, it probably just means that insurance premium rises will claw it back.


Mustique

It seems Cheryl has tied the knot again.  I refer of course to Cheryl Tweedy, who managed for some reason to retain the surname 'Cole' for ages, despite divorcing Ashley Cole.  Whilst he was deemed unsuitable, his name was apparently okay.  Now we learn that she's changed her name after marrying Jean-Bernard, a chap who is no doubt nice, and is awash with names of his own.  Not content with a double barrel for a christian name, the surname follows suit.  Thus, Cheryl is now Cheryl Fernandez-Versini.  I rather suspect this will become a (nauseating) topic of conversation during the forthcoming X-Factor fiasco.

I am sure there will be a few mutterings, and some pandering to the newly wed so that she can grin and lap up the attention.  Somehow I expect Louis to have a little giggle here and there, and Simon will need to be careful not to upset her again.


Germany

The German footballers have returned to received adulation from millions, after the World Cup triumph.  The turnout was phenomenal, as the players toured on a massive open-topped lorry.

On the side of the black bus that collected them from the airport were the dates of the World Cup wins, and it's a shame there was one 'blip' in the timings.  If there had been a win in 1994 instead of 1990, then the orderly and regular 20-year pattern would have been maintained.  1954 - 1974 - 1990 - 2014.


UK

The government has decided that it will be better served by having some women in key positions.  I have absolutely nothing against these women, or any women, in their quests for careers and promotion.  However, I certainly do have an issue with anyone getting on simply because they have a cunt or a prick, rather than on merit.  I find it rather it a bit hard to accept that the Prime Minister is shuffling things around purely on merit, which means (conveniently) there are more women suddenly in play.  This smacks of something a little more 'creative' than simply merit promotions.

Meanwhile, the Church of England has managed to come to terms with women, and allow female bishops in England.  So while the Cabinet gets an influx of women to create governmental mayhem, there will be alongside this, in the CofE, an influx of women bishops to deal with the mess the country is in.  I fear that neither group will have any positive impact at all.  This is not a slight on women - the men are pretty shit as well, from the Archbishop of Canterbury and the PM down to the local clergy and councilors.  Religion and Politics, eh?

...

14.7.14 World Cup In Pictures

Some random pictures to sum up some of the sights and action at the World Cup.

Silliest Haircut of the World Cup

Not Attractive

Not so much "HAS BEENs" as "NEVER WEREs"

Chilean Tango

Twat who won't listen to anyone else

...