As for Craig's 'Tin Man' rubbish, how puerile can the programme be? Simply awful - as bad as Bruce's dancing.
Fern Britton? Sorry, I simply cannot warm to her at all - in fact, watching her is an affront to entertainment. With pun intended, I cannot stomach her. Anyone with the nerve to hoodwink viewers by claiming weightloss through her own efforts and forgetting about the gastric band is someone whom I cannot respect at all.
Victoria Pendleton? "You are a little bit unstable," said Len. Hmmm . . . more to that than the dancing, eh? However, it's hard not to like her.
Michael Vaughan? Contrived shit on the trailer was further evidence of the pathetic nature of the 'humour' and 'interest' that is supposedly included in the padding before any dancing gets underway. "You were landing on the count of two like a felled tree, darling," said Craig. "Last week was Borehamwood, this week was Hollywood," said Len. No, mate - this week was Dead Wood.
Jerry Hall? Her drawling voice is a right pain in the arse/ear. She thinks she's better than others, and lives off her preposterous reputation. A nine-year-old doing country dancing at primary school would have out-performed her this week. "Downstairs you're quite neat and tidy," said Len. "The whole thing would have been better behind the screen, quite frankly," said Craig - and well said! Total shit - but Bruce still felt obliged to say it was "better than last week" for no good reason at all. Will the kid who told the emperor he wasn't wearing any clothes please stand up and tell everyone that Jerry Hall is not a glamourous and wonderful performer!
Sid Owen? So NOT ballroom dancing - more like a spoof. Quite rightly, he was panned because it was shit. "Judges' comments aside, how did it feel to be a rock God?" asked Tess. Casting aside the judges' comments is hardly a reasonable basis to discuss fucking anything, considering they are supposed to be dancing for the highest score! It was their worst performance and score so far. Neither could even claim to have "had fun" which must be a first.
Kimberley Walsh? Very good.
Denise Van Outen? The dancing was okay, but the song was shit, as was the 'school play' theatrical approach to doing a fucking waltz.
Colin Salmon? Bruce told a joke that was more lame than a legless donkey. How was it a good use of licence-payers' money to send a film crew to Canada to follow Colin, who had to go there for some filming during the week? Good dancing, although she did most of the work, not him. I really didn't watch this thinking it was a tango.
Richard Arnold? I made a wish that was not advantageous to Bruce's continued breathing, after his crappy joke. The quickstep showed Richard to be a prancing filly, not helped by the attire.
Dani Harmer? Sorry, luv, but you weren't comfortable doing that. It was reasonable, but even I could see she was not finishing her moves properly, or extending limbs. As I typed this, Craig has just commented that she needed to extend, and the pointless Darcey said the same. [NB: Lucky her first name isn't 'Self']
Lisa Riley? Defied comment, in my opinion. "A great big bundle of joy," said Len; what's that got to do with a comment on the dancing? I maintain that they are all scared of being seen as rude, and pointing out that she wobbled quickly, and flung her arms about.
Nicky Byrne? Having energy and having fun is not a good endorsement, Darcey.
Louis Smith? Blimey - fucking good!
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