Have you ever sidled up to a fish tank, perhaps in a public building or a company reception area, and spent a few minutes looking at the assortment of tropical fish moving around slowly, blissfully ignorant of the wider world. If you do so, there's a fair chance that within any tank holding more than a dozen fish, there are two which stand out from the rest. They will be a funny pair of misfits, often slightly larger than the rest, and typically rather odd looking. You will find yourself transfixed, and your eyes will be drawn to them. When you switch to try and take in the other fish around then, you'll find you cannot ignore the two oddities and somehow your eyes will have returned to the two special fish in a few seconds.
The Royal Wedding was quite entertaining, and most seem to agree that it was a great success. I must say that overall, it was indeed pretty good, as these things go. The greatest interest came from people watching, albeit via TV pictures rather than actual presence. Victoria Beckham's hat was a joke - like her hair extensions, come to that. And her shoes - well, I won't waste my time. People emerged from the Abbey on to the pavement, and this provided a source of mild amusement, as the slightly dazed guests (most of whom would have seen bugger all of the service) looked a bit lost. I saw an older woman [similar in looks to the one on Eastenders, who was Kat Slater's mum - try to avoid the programme, and have been successful for a long long time now] wearing what closely resembled a bog brush for a hat. A 'Top Shop' girl emerged, holding a mobile to her ear, after going cold turkey on the communications front for a couple of hours. And of course, the queen impersonated a lemon Bon-Bon, and from her expression, had sucked one for the service and cut the roof of her mouth - that, or Prince Harry had secretly switched her 2oz portion for sweet and sours.
Zara Phillips was able to pick up Al Jazeera via the satellite dish that masqueraded as her hat. However, a relative of hers went one better, and was able to pick up alien transmissions from the radar station that served as her own adornment - it cannot be called a hat, because it was more of an intergalactic symbol (or perhaps an updated squiggle for the artist formerly known as Prince). I refer of course to one of the two fish.
I wish Kate and William well (not that they'll give a hoot about that) and it was nice to have a day off work. They will lead privileged lives whatever the global economic conditions, and their images and goings-on will fill newspapers and magazines for ever. The shame, however, is that instead of having a bit of real interest in the monarchy, with William and Kate in the hot seats, we have to endure more dire, dusty tosh as the incumbent totters towards her last days. I say this with no animosity at all, and it can't be that long now anyway. No, the really painful prospect is the 'filling' between Liz & Phil, and the youngsters William & Kate. I refer of course to the pointless filling that will be Charles and Camilla. Their joint presence at the top of the tree will disappoint, annoy, test and tarnish any good feeling. We will have to endure more old-style pompous rubbish from the deranged Charlie, who will force us to have to put up with the hanger-on at his side, guffawing and nodding, and imitating the lunatic great aunt that you know is in your family somewhere, but thankfully hasn't shown up for twenty years.
So the Royal Wedding was generally well received, and we now all look forward to who knows what. In the meantime, let it not be said that TMWSC gave insufficient attention to the tropical fish. I felt I was looking at a fish tank while watching TV, when I saw two slightly over-sized, strange looking fish, slowly moving, and adopting perplexed/vacant expressions. One was a peculiar shape, pale blue, and slightly disproportionate. The other looked a bit manic, and I got a sense that there might be blood in the water. The bulging eyes suggested an alertness, but this was actually the complete opposite of reality, as tests have proven that between the gills, these creature have little but a buoyancy aid. The one that looked 'nude' in colour came with a strange growth on top; as mentioned already, it resembled a strange radar device, and it could have been a 'tag'. Whether Ben Fogle had set up a wildlife monitoring project in the area is something still to be verified.
Beatrice and Eugenie stole the show, and looked like they were auditioning to play strange new Roald Dahl characters. The ludicrous amounts of money spent by guests on dresses and hats was never more wasted than on this pair. I have previously labelled them 'Pointless' in this blog, and nothing has changed (nor will it, ever).
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