I have a system. In fact I have many systems, but the one to which I now refer is the "Milk System" for describing drivers who fuck up the roads in a particular way.
I was, this week, forced to sit in a line of cars that was moving rather more slowly than the National Speed Limit signs would permit on the single-carriageway road (60mph) and I will refrain from repeating details included in a post on 12th August 2013. The national speed limit is in fact whatever the cunts on front of you decide it is.
My issue this week was not in fact with the slow-moving vehicle at the head of the line. We are all very well aware of the limitations of those road users who insist on pulling a fucking caravan around the country. Others decide it's necessary to move horses in boxes, and farmers piss about in tractors. Buses, lorries and learner drivers all present problems from time to time as well. However, my gripe is not with these people and vehicles (albeit that they are a fucking nuisance a lot of the time) but with those immediately behind them - these are the real offenders, and they decide on the level of impact resulting from a slow-moving vehicle.
A slow moving vehicle is not generally a significant problem for others if the vehicles that comes up behind it are prepared to make some sort of effort to pass it. Without any such inclination, everyone is doomed.
The Full Fat Cunt
A car that travels behind a slow-moving vehicle occupies the prime space for carrying out an overtaking manoeuvre, and in adopting this position has a responsibility to fucking well do that. The 'Full Fat Cunt' is someone who decides that any effort to overtake is not to be made, making it very much more difficult for anyone else to make progress, as the next level of overtaking manoeuvre would necessarily involve passing both the slow-moving vehicle AND the Full Fat Cunt. If the FFC wants to avoid any overtaking, then he/she should drop back, to allow space enough between his/her vehicle and the slow-moving one so that other can use it to take up this prime position, and then overtake. A Full Fat Cunt is therefore defined as: "the cunt behind a slow moving vehicle who refuse either to overtake, attempt to overtake, or drop back to allow others to move forward and overtake".
The Semi-Cunt
The car behind a Full Fat Cunt is also duty bound to pay attention to things, and take any opportunity to move forward. This will mean vigilance and a timely effort to pass the FFC and the slow-moving vehicle. Anyone behind a Full Fat Cunt who decides not to try to overtake, or who decides not to relinquish the "second position" by dropping back (so others can have a go) is a 'Semi-Cunt'. This key position largely determines if there is to be any progress at all. To have a Full Fat Cunt after a slow-moving vehicle could be judged 'bad luck'. To have a Semi-Cunt behind a Full Fat Cunt is most certainly very bad luck.
The Skimmed Cunt
Behind the Full Fat Cunt and the Semi Cunt is the final place where any overtaking might be possible, and this is where you might find a Skimmed Cunt. He or she will rarely try to overtake, and to be fair, may not be in the best position to have a go. Nevertheless, three slow-moving vehicles in front would not at all be impossible to pass, but the Skimmed Cunt is weak and rather pointless, and refuses, like those in front, to drop back to allow others to move forward and have a go. To have a Skimmed Cunt behind a Semi-Cunt who is following a Full Fat Cunt is fucking bad luck!
So, there you have it - a summary of the pathetic situation that comes about from drivers who have no balls, and are selfish enough to hog their places without any care for the anyone else on the road, or the slow pace of life forced on others.
There is, however, one further element to the 'Milk System' so far not mentioned - and this involves the awful situation where one slow-moving vehicle catches up with another.
The Clotted Cunt
The Clotted Cunt (or Clotted Cream Cunt, to use the full name) is the driver of a slow-moving vehicle who decides to follow directly behind another such vehicle, making it impossible for anyone to overtake. In effect, a Clotted Cunt is a Full Fat Cunt in a slow-moving vehicle. In this picture you will see a slow-moving vehicle (large lorry) followed by a Clotted Cunt, followed by a Full Fat Cunt.
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