I am somewhat baffled by certain companies whose advertising policies seem to be relentlessly static amidst the Covid-19 situation. I have just been touted a mortgage from Barclays, at a time when the housing market and people's finances are basically fucked beyond all recognition. Further, the Government advice is that house sales and moves should be suspended. 'No one should complete' says the Government. Sorry, Barclays, you just wasted your money and annoyed anyone hoping to move but affected by obvious restrictions.
Then Thornton's decided I might need to be convinced that giving someone one of their Easter Eggs might be the best approach at Easter. What the cunting fuck?
...
Sunday, 29 March 2020
Friday, 20 March 2020
20.3.20 DPD Local Loony
I have for some time made occasional notes about drivers who are a real pest, or whose actions are bad enough for an award of "Cunt of the Day". This morning, I was hassled by a DPD van, and the mission for the day for the driver was clearly to zoom past/around anyone not going fast enough.
Tailgating, hassling and lane hopping are not really doing much for the brand, Mr Driver. Also, I think that on a dual carriageway, 90mph is not allowed.
...
ND68 UHS
Tailgating, hassling and lane hopping are not really doing much for the brand, Mr Driver. Also, I think that on a dual carriageway, 90mph is not allowed.
...
Sunday, 15 March 2020
15.3.20 Noodle-Gate
Never did I think that small packets of noodles at 22p cunting pence each would be the cause of consternation. But today, in my sixth decade on this planet, I have been put in my place by an Aldi checkout operator, for overstepping the mark. Yes, I dared to purchase six packets of noodles, inviting a commercial transaction to the value of £1.32.
The world is in financial and medical turmoil, and the consequences for the global system are dire at best. But in my small corner of Yorkshire, the real issue is clearly the over-expectancy of yours truly in acquiring enough fucking noodles to support two meals rather than one!
There are three of us in the mix, for food preparation at Cunt Towers, the home of myself, Mrs MWSC, Junior and a dog who does not eat noodles. This is not to ignore my other son and his partner, but they are 'self-sufficient' so I am not the "noodle whisperer" for them.
So back to my trip to Aldi, where I could not of course buy any loo roll. I was not aiming to stock-pile, but a few roles would not have gone amiss, as I am down to the last pack. The 100g packets of noodles were in plentiful supply, unlike pasta, that was nowhere to be seen. I happened to pick up six packets of the stuff, and opted for 'chicken' flavour rather then mixing it up with, perhaps, beef. The only differentiation is of course the small sachet of seasoning contained within the packets.
My mistake was perhaps to have opted for the chicken variety, as this blocked my 'defence' at the checkout, that the items were not the same. It seems there was a policy in force that limited the bulk-buying bent of the cunting population, such that only 4 of any one item was permitted for purchase. So when I found myself at the checkout, for my £28 worth of shite, I was vetted and limited by the woman in charge. "I can only sell you four of these" was a limp fucking comment,. but one which was delivered with a certain sense of authority, glee and definitiveness that matched her forthright manner. It is worth noting that multi-packs of noodles are not available. So, these 22p items are sold individually, rather than in multi-packs. How lucky for the buying public that loo rolls are available in packs of 9, 12, 16 and 24, with each counting as a single item. So that means a single shopper could buy 96 cunting toilet rolls at typically 30p each, while I was fucked over for those extra two noodle packs at 22p each. What a load of cunting shit!
...
Friday, 13 March 2020
13.3.20 Cushelle Advert
The world is in the grip of the Covid-19 virus, and panic buying has seen the shelves being emptied at supermarkets across the UK. It is now a real challenge to locate any dried pasta, and an impossibility to find toilet rolls. So, it was a surprise a few minutes ago to see an advert on the TV for Cushelle. Why the cunting fuck is this company advertising. No one gives a shit (forgive the ironic use of the term) what brand of paper they use - people at the moment will be glad of anything at all, so this is money wasted by Cushelle. The chance of fucking obtaining some would be rather good, thanks!
...
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Thursday, 12 March 2020
12.3.20 Plant-Based Fodder
Plant Based Pollution
What the fuck has happened? The annoying food preferences of some people have been made even more annoying by the change in language. Once upon a time, there were vegetarians. They were generally just below the radar, and they avoided meat. Unfortunately, these were deemed lightweights by some of their own ranks, who decided to up the ante and go hardcore.
Yes, vegetarians started to be looked down upon .... by vegans. With an air of dismissiveness, this new breed of self-righteous eaters set about telling the world about their preferences and mission in life. The poor old vegetarians had to make a choice - shuffle off to the shadows, outdone by those whose eating rules were stricter, or join them in the campaign to be different.
These days, there are few vegetarians, and more vegans - who tell you what they are and expect the world to service them. Now we have a further level of grief - the use of 'plant-based' as the defining phrase to describe their bent.
I am happy with meat-based food. I like vegetable, and am thus omnivorous. I have nothing against people with a desire to avoid meat - I just wish the whole mission did not have to adopt this pathetic term 'plant-based' which is now polluting the language.
...
What the fuck has happened? The annoying food preferences of some people have been made even more annoying by the change in language. Once upon a time, there were vegetarians. They were generally just below the radar, and they avoided meat. Unfortunately, these were deemed lightweights by some of their own ranks, who decided to up the ante and go hardcore.
Yes, vegetarians started to be looked down upon .... by vegans. With an air of dismissiveness, this new breed of self-righteous eaters set about telling the world about their preferences and mission in life. The poor old vegetarians had to make a choice - shuffle off to the shadows, outdone by those whose eating rules were stricter, or join them in the campaign to be different.
These days, there are few vegetarians, and more vegans - who tell you what they are and expect the world to service them. Now we have a further level of grief - the use of 'plant-based' as the defining phrase to describe their bent.
I am happy with meat-based food. I like vegetable, and am thus omnivorous. I have nothing against people with a desire to avoid meat - I just wish the whole mission did not have to adopt this pathetic term 'plant-based' which is now polluting the language.
...
Wednesday, 11 March 2020
11.3.20 Sport Relief
I managed to catch a few minutes of this evening's BBC1 offering, The Heat Is On: Sport Relief. I cringed at the self-indulgence / self-obsession of some participants. A four-day charity challenge involved various 'celebrities' (as ever) crossing the rather hot desert in Namibia. I watched the screen incredulous at the variation in the attitudes and abilities of the people involved.
On the one hand, Rob Rinder was running along, completing the task, while Frankie Bridge was moaning like fuck, and whining about her issues. Why on earth, then, was she in a fucking desert and struggling. Grimshaw was fine, in fact the blokes just got on with things, whereas the women were mostly annoying. It's no good volunteering for prime time TV exposure, and then seeking sympathy for your plight.
The "raising money for charity" angle that these people cling on to, is of questionable value. I fail to see how their efforts walking in the desert are in any way relevant to my desire or lack of desire to donate some money to Sport Relief.
There were some good bits, seeing Karim complete a stage, but the whingers are not any basis for donating money on a phone line. Those who want to contribute will do so, regardless of the stuff done on screen by a rabble of people claiming to be doing something for charity. Rather, this was a free trip / holiday / experience, and they should remember that.
There is a fine line between the so called "raising awareness", and nauseating exposure to people preaching shite, while getting a freebie.
...
On the one hand, Rob Rinder was running along, completing the task, while Frankie Bridge was moaning like fuck, and whining about her issues. Why on earth, then, was she in a fucking desert and struggling. Grimshaw was fine, in fact the blokes just got on with things, whereas the women were mostly annoying. It's no good volunteering for prime time TV exposure, and then seeking sympathy for your plight.
The "raising money for charity" angle that these people cling on to, is of questionable value. I fail to see how their efforts walking in the desert are in any way relevant to my desire or lack of desire to donate some money to Sport Relief.
There were some good bits, seeing Karim complete a stage, but the whingers are not any basis for donating money on a phone line. Those who want to contribute will do so, regardless of the stuff done on screen by a rabble of people claiming to be doing something for charity. Rather, this was a free trip / holiday / experience, and they should remember that.
There is a fine line between the so called "raising awareness", and nauseating exposure to people preaching shite, while getting a freebie.
...
Sunday, 8 March 2020
8.3.20 The Great and The Greatest
My interpretation of the TV Guide is not one that suits all, but the niggles and annoyances contained in the week's viewing schedule are fucking numerous. Perhaps one of the most noticeable cunting one is the misplaced belief that the words 'Great' and 'Greatest' enhance in any fucking way the content of programmes. I offer the following as an aside to my normal overview of the week.
The Greatest Dancer
BBC1 has been running this for a while, and there are so many entrants who are simply a long way short of great. As with all these shows, I am baffled by contestants who appear together, making the name of the show a farce. This is particularly true of The Voice, because quite often I am hearing voices .... not linked to any mental condition, but duos and trios appearing on THE Voice. In the dancing arena, a double act confirms it's not about finding the 'greatest' dancer.
Great American Railroad Journeys
Michael Portillo flouncing and pissing about on trains again. The BBC2 schedules would be lost without him and his colour-coded clothing.
The Great Pottery Throw Down
I am a long way from 'fired up' about this filler of a programme. Apparently, this week, the four remaining amateur potters are "facing their biggest challenge of the competition so far as they're asked to create a fully functioning toilet". What shit.
The Great Interior Design Challenge
More twaddle on Two, as the BBC repeats a whole hour of pointlessness into our Monday evening.
Great British Railway Journeys
Straight after the interior design crap, BBC2 has lined up an extra dose of Michael Portillo, as Portillo's State Secrets eats up half an hour. Then, after he's had a break for 75 minutes, Portillo returns to the screen with his guide book and railway fodder for us to consume.
HMS Victory: Nelson's Great Warship
This gets a mention simply for the use of 'great', but in the main, I can understand this is not an example of the gratuitous use of the term, so let's leave it there.
Terry and Mason's Great Food Trip
I have nothing to say about this, other than "BBC2, get past this great cunting obsession with using the word 'great' in your naming strategy."
Celebs For Sale: The Great Charity Scandal: Dispatches
With two colons in the title, I am already fuming.
The Great Celebrity Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer
More from Sandi Tossing and Noel Fiddling in a big tent.
You get the message.
...
The Greatest Dancer
BBC1 has been running this for a while, and there are so many entrants who are simply a long way short of great. As with all these shows, I am baffled by contestants who appear together, making the name of the show a farce. This is particularly true of The Voice, because quite often I am hearing voices .... not linked to any mental condition, but duos and trios appearing on THE Voice. In the dancing arena, a double act confirms it's not about finding the 'greatest' dancer.
Great American Railroad Journeys
Michael Portillo flouncing and pissing about on trains again. The BBC2 schedules would be lost without him and his colour-coded clothing.
The Great Pottery Throw Down
I am a long way from 'fired up' about this filler of a programme. Apparently, this week, the four remaining amateur potters are "facing their biggest challenge of the competition so far as they're asked to create a fully functioning toilet". What shit.
The Great Interior Design Challenge
More twaddle on Two, as the BBC repeats a whole hour of pointlessness into our Monday evening.
Great British Railway Journeys
Straight after the interior design crap, BBC2 has lined up an extra dose of Michael Portillo, as Portillo's State Secrets eats up half an hour. Then, after he's had a break for 75 minutes, Portillo returns to the screen with his guide book and railway fodder for us to consume.
HMS Victory: Nelson's Great Warship
This gets a mention simply for the use of 'great', but in the main, I can understand this is not an example of the gratuitous use of the term, so let's leave it there.
Terry and Mason's Great Food Trip
I have nothing to say about this, other than "BBC2, get past this great cunting obsession with using the word 'great' in your naming strategy."
Celebs For Sale: The Great Charity Scandal: Dispatches
With two colons in the title, I am already fuming.
The Great Celebrity Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer
More from Sandi Tossing and Noel Fiddling in a big tent.
You get the message.
...
8.3.20 TV Guidance
I thought I would offer some guidance on the week's offerings, just to help you navigate your way through the shit. 'Navigate' is appropriate as the journeying of alleged celebrities is good place to start.
Celebrity Britain By Barge: Then And Now
What the fucking fuck? Bill Oddie, Jennie Bond, Anne Diamond and Pete Waterman on a barge for 80 minutes of supposed entertainment. Navigate away from this.
Grand Tours Of Scotland's Lochs
Paul Merton now turning his attention to the UK (while Scotland is still part of it) having finished moping around India or wherever he was last time, in a linen suit. I am no fan at all of the word 'Great' in programme names, but I am slightly unnerved at 'Grand' in case this becomes a trend, building on Grand Designs.
Extreme Wales With Richard Parks
He's exploring the River Teifi and Kayaking, if you're interested.
Dom Does America
Sadly this is a very long way short of Debbie Does Dallas, and we are instead served Dominic Littlewood sampling life on a cattle ranch in Texas.
Joanna Lumley's Hidden Caribbean: Havana To Haiti
The breathy and gushing, grinning Lumley is on another free trip, adding little value to anyone's awareness. She is so hard to put up with on screen, and affected as fuck in her delivery of any information. I'd prefer a programme that used just the first three words, actually.
Secrets Of First Class With Sally And Nigel
Nigel Havers and Sally Lindsay add to carbon emissions, flying around and telling us about it. Fuck off with that!
enough on well known people moving around, let's have a look at some of the other low lights of the week, perhaps with a quick-fire approach.
ITV - The Trouble With Maggie Cole
Is that she's on our cunting screen. No, Dawn, move along, please!
Channel 4 - Five Guys A Week
Dating show, plummeting the depths, as ever.
Channel 5 - Britain's Naughtiest Nursery
Spoilt totally by the last two letters of the title.
ITV - Tipping Point: Best Ever Finals
"Compilation of some of the most dramatic endgames." What the cunting fuck?
Fucking food etc:
Living On The Veg
Beat The Chef
Come Dine With Me
Cooking Up A Fortune
MasterChef
Lorraine's Fast, Fresh and Easy Food [better without the last word]
The Hairy Bikers' Comfort Food
Saturday Kitchen Best Bites
Ready Steady Cook
Saturday Kitchen
James Martin's Saturday Morning
Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA
James Martin's French Adventure
Terry And Mason's Great Food Trip
Best Home Cook
Food Unwrapped
The Great Celebrity Bake Off
Rick Stein's Secret France
...
Celebrity Britain By Barge: Then And Now
What the fucking fuck? Bill Oddie, Jennie Bond, Anne Diamond and Pete Waterman on a barge for 80 minutes of supposed entertainment. Navigate away from this.
Grand Tours Of Scotland's Lochs
Paul Merton now turning his attention to the UK (while Scotland is still part of it) having finished moping around India or wherever he was last time, in a linen suit. I am no fan at all of the word 'Great' in programme names, but I am slightly unnerved at 'Grand' in case this becomes a trend, building on Grand Designs.
Extreme Wales With Richard Parks
He's exploring the River Teifi and Kayaking, if you're interested.
Dom Does America
Sadly this is a very long way short of Debbie Does Dallas, and we are instead served Dominic Littlewood sampling life on a cattle ranch in Texas.
Joanna Lumley's Hidden Caribbean: Havana To Haiti
The breathy and gushing, grinning Lumley is on another free trip, adding little value to anyone's awareness. She is so hard to put up with on screen, and affected as fuck in her delivery of any information. I'd prefer a programme that used just the first three words, actually.
Secrets Of First Class With Sally And Nigel
Nigel Havers and Sally Lindsay add to carbon emissions, flying around and telling us about it. Fuck off with that!
enough on well known people moving around, let's have a look at some of the other low lights of the week, perhaps with a quick-fire approach.
ITV - The Trouble With Maggie Cole
Is that she's on our cunting screen. No, Dawn, move along, please!
Channel 4 - Five Guys A Week
Dating show, plummeting the depths, as ever.
Channel 5 - Britain's Naughtiest Nursery
Spoilt totally by the last two letters of the title.
ITV - Tipping Point: Best Ever Finals
"Compilation of some of the most dramatic endgames." What the cunting fuck?
Fucking food etc:
Living On The Veg
Beat The Chef
Come Dine With Me
Cooking Up A Fortune
MasterChef
Lorraine's Fast, Fresh and Easy Food [better without the last word]
The Hairy Bikers' Comfort Food
Saturday Kitchen Best Bites
Ready Steady Cook
Saturday Kitchen
James Martin's Saturday Morning
Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA
James Martin's French Adventure
Terry And Mason's Great Food Trip
Best Home Cook
Food Unwrapped
The Great Celebrity Bake Off
Rick Stein's Secret France
...
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