I could just as easily have titled this post as "Why Britain Is Fucked - Reason 78". I refrained from doing do simply because I've yet to give the details on far more pressing reasons for the UK being fucked.
The biggest single issue with the final is Brooke Vincent. I had very little against the woman before she took to the ice (I use this expression loosely of course) but I am now annoyed as fuck by her complete lack of real input. The real travesty is that the woman has reached the fucking final. This proves nothing other than Britain is fucked!
In the semi-final, which of course included the last four contestants and resulted in three going through to the final (?) Brooke was allegedly "doing it for the people of Manchester", and gave a pathetic rallying speech involving the bombing last year, and the Ariana Grande concert. She topped it off with a "performance" to a hit by said vocalist, and this was all under he umbrella term of "girl power" that Brooke decided was yet another reason for her to be rewarded by an appearance in the final.
The viewing public was fooled, and she got through last week. This was unbelievable because she simply cannot skate anywhere near the standard of the others. I used in the previous paragraph the work 'performance' but by that I meant her being hauled around the ice, lifted and put down at intervals, and avoiding any solo input where the required level was moving at greater than 5mph.
The final has proven beyond any doubt that this interloper should be run over by a glacier - possible only because the glacier of course would be moving quicker than Brooke!
The Coronation Street fans, Ariana Grande fans, the 'people of Manchester' and any female thinking 'girl power' is a worthy battle cry should collectively be ashamed of themselves. For fuck's sake, Cheryl Baker at least had the good grace to know she is shite - Brooke is deluded enough to think she is good! The Genie In A Bottle routine this evening was an exercise in dire attendance rather than actual skating. Donna Air clung to her partner like a crane fly stuck to sellotape in earlier rounds; Brooke is no better.
All of this is not to deter attention to the whole series being rather shit, and the standard of skating overall is well below that of years gone by. Why on earth ITV has brought back the show and buggered with the format is odd. As for the voting, we all know the public cannot be trusted. If ever there was proof that these shows are popularity contests rather than linked to talent, the vote was declared open by Schofield right at the top of the programme, before any cunt had touched frozen water.
The first half of the show is over and Max has been ejected! Brooke Vincent is through to the cuntil last two.
What the cunting fuck?
The Dancing On Ice viewers must surely be having an absolute laugh. It reminds me of the efforts made by the public to scupper Simon Cowell's expectations for the X-Factor winner being Number 1 in the singles chart at Christmas. Is there a UK-wide movement to crown Brooke Vincent the winner as a complete piss take? Her Bolero Bollocks is coming up soon.
Jake's performance was very good. Sadly Jason had to use the affected pronunciation of 'homage' for no reason at all - it is a word that is 100% English, aside from it's route.
Brooke Vacuous was up next, after her VT intro showing her use the word 'iconic' multiple times. Matej guided her around the ice, and she performed much akin to a curling stone. 'Tame' sums up everything she has done all series.
I have heard Christopher Dean describe Brooke's journey as 'incredible' when 'fucking farcical' would have been more appropriate. So the whole thing comes down to how much piss the general public wants to take out of DOI and ITV. Until then, the dire and useless Jordan Banjo is 'interviewing' the contestants, but this has proven a challenge for him for many weeks, mainly because he struggles to speak coherently. His contributions have been a complete waste of space.
T&D took to the ice and of course were excellent. Then it was over to the formulaic and predictable S&W. 'Incredible journey' was bandied around a bit more, and we had to endure from S&W some recaps on the two finalists' experiences. Is a complete farce about to be revealed, with BV beating JQ?
Thankfully Jake was announced as the winner.
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