The 2016 Final got underway, and I wondered just how many cliches might be offered up from the judges and contestants. It didn't take long for a excellent example of a rather mixed version from Ore:
"I think we can smash it out of the park," said Ore.
In actual fact they simply danced, breaking nothing in the process. It was pretty good; he and Joanne danced to Singing In The Rain and scored 39/40. Gene Kelly's widow was there to watch, and take a round of applause for being Gene Kelly's widow.
Kevin and Louise (the latter being the only person as boring as Cheryl Cole-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini) where up next to attempt a Cha Cha Cha. Annoyingly they did the Flashdance number and the only feeling I had was one of resentment because it was a million miles less entertaining than the film sequence. The lameness of the stodgy performance did real damage to the 1980s memories. Sorry, Louis, but this was the dancing version of weak karaoke.
Darcy had to remind us Louise was in the final and the only 'lady', What a fucking twat. 38/40.
Finally we got to Danny and Oti, who are clearly the best and most consistent performers over the whole series. The Quickstep had a couple of mistakes; Len made the point that Danny was the catalyst for others to up their own performances. 36/40.
The pathetic attempt at humour by Tess and Claudia was painful, regarding the former breaking a mirror.
"You have to go big, but there is no room for slip-ups," Ore told us, ahead of his show dance. Fortunately he managed to avoid any slips, and performed really well. Darcy gushed, using every word other than her stalwart - "attack". 40/40.
Louise and Kevin were moving to One Moment In Time, and not a moment too soon it was drawing to a close. I simply find her a slow-motion clod-hopper. "The best lift was the one you gave to my heart," waffled Bruno. Then Darcy proved her elocution lessons have for decades been spectacularly unsuccessful. 38/40.
Danny and Oti provided something spectacular themselves - a wonderfully original performance that entertained. "There was sparks coming off that dance floor," said Darcy (avoiding the English language) and then she reverted to use of "attack". The dance was a 40/40 but it was better than some others that have scored 40.
Ore did a Jive as his favourite to present, and got 40/40 for it.
Louise did her Argentine Tango, and did my head in in the VT before it even started. She could get away with her inability to display energy with this dance, with Kevin pushing and pulling her. Len admitted to giving her nothing less than an 8 all series, and my view of Len's judgement diminished. Another score of 40/40.
Danny represented his Samba, which scored 40 the first time. Of course it got the 40 it again deserved.
Tess introduced us to Emeli Sarn-dee rather than a singer with a similar surname. The racket that was forthcoming was no better than that offered to us by Tess. The singing was mediocre, and not as good as the house singers on SCD. Move on, Emeli.
Ore and Joanne won, and I cannot really argue, even though I'd have picked Danny. At least Louise was not awarded the glitterball.
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