23.7.11 Sauna

If you are considering a sauna, then you may like to learn about the options available in the Leeds area, where I recently shed a couple of pounds.  I should highlight, however, that I did almost pass out a couple of times, but that was a small price to pay for the benefits.  The health spa in question?  I'll tell you in a minute.  First, I'd like to identify a couple of particular facilities.  The first is "The Snake".  This is a weird human chain, with numbers varying from 10 to 15, and in what can only be described as a humid and oppressive atmosphere, the participants wait for an unknown period of time, slowly making their way forward.  The session ends when you have nearly fainted, and then you need to pay for the treatment at the end of the line - which is the till at a retail counter.  There's only one person serving, so it helps those in line endure a bit more of the treatment than necessary. 

Upstairs, there's "The Funnel" which is really a step up from The Snake, in that it involves a dual ordeal.  First there's a repeat of the 'snake' experience, followed by a brief session of lifting.  It's not too demanding, just a one-handed lift of 10 kilos, putting the item in a metal cage, and then lifting it back out again.  The real test, though, comes straight after that, when you have to join a queue of 100 to 200 people all contained within a funnel-shaped waiting area, surrounded by glass.  Ventilation is nil, so clearly there's the opportunity for irritation, nausea, fainting, sweating and losing weight.  If you don't actually collapse before the door at the end of the funnel is opened, you might find you're trampling on someone else who has in fact succumbed to the awful environment.  This whole ordeal leads to anxiety as well, as all those involved get nervous about getting a seat at the end of the process, and those who are with friends are desperate to find seats next to one another.

At the end of the experience, it's possible to exhale, chill just a little bit, but by no means stretch out your arms or legs.  No, the result for all is limited to passive endurance of a cramped position for a few hours after the mayhem of the Snake and the Funnel.  So the 'warm down' is denied.  Still, all those who go through this experience certainly come out of it knowing just how tough everything is; yet, they so often come back again for another go.

Where is this place?  Leeds Bradford Airport.  Next time you're there, join the heaving masses in the bar/cafe area for some gentle frustration and claustrophobia, followed by a go on The Snake, in front of WH Smiths.  Then go upstairs for a Ryanair boarding experience.  Finally, sit in a cramped position for three hours.  But, despite all this, I know you'll do it again, and again, and again.

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