25.12.19 MasterChef ShitShow

As a starter, here are some pathetic utterances in the world of food, just to get you going.  As Bamber Gascoigne would have said, "Your starter for ten".  A programme on Food Network has provided the sustainable source for this post.

There is a few more ingredients to add - woman (Gizzi) on the Food Network channel
Boil it up - her again
So it's super super smooth, and to get it extra smooth .... -  her again
Reduce it down - a different woman (Lisa Faulkner) this time, same channel, same shite
Chop it through - Matt, joining in with the shit
I'm gonna flavour this up - Jun Tanaka on the same show

However, the focus of my attention now is the BBC main course of MasterChef.  There are different versions - Re-Match, Celebrity, Kids, etc.  But the standard version offers nourishment enough in terms of verbal bollocks.  Yes, aside from the extended coverage of apron tying (which of course can quite legitimately now be a contender for inclusion in the Olympics, such is the prevalence of the sport) and the face-pulling creepiness of Gregg Wallace, there is an inordinate amount of contentious rubbish spoken by all.

MasterChef  has recently given us so much in the way of crap.  I've sat and listened to weird activities like "frying off"  and "saucing the plate".  Thicko Gregg Wallace of course is exuberant (my gentle term to comment on his scary facial expressions and runaway mouth) and while performing on his other TV show in various factories each week, treats us to grammatical flops like "How many ingredients goes into a mince pie".  Monica Galetti is not immune from criticism, herself capable of "saucing the plate" and pointless use of the word "cookery", while all the time retaining an awareness of how flavours "cut through" something else.  Sean Pertwee whispers, purrs and fucking annoys throughout these shows, trying to be oddly seductive with his explanations and observations on the kitchen activities.  He is far from excused, as his own waffle includes so many servings of crap, such as:

It was marinaded - Sean Pertwee
While Stu roasts off his cabbage - Sean Pertwee

But, folks, the MasterShit talker on MasterChef this series has proven to be Marcus Wareing.

His relentless chatter contains numerous faux pas, and aside from his addiction to the forced use of the work "cookery" at every possible opportunity (instead of "cooking"), he cannot seem to avoid talking about how things have been executed.  This is not in reference to the wringing of a chicken's neck or the stunning and throat cutting of a larger animal (sadly not Gregg) but the fairly normal activity of cooking.  "Executing cookery" does not cunting exist!

What you want to do with the shallots is sweat them down - Marcus Wareing
To sort of mellow the curry flavour down - Marcus Wareing
I asked you to butcher down the chicken - Marcus Wareing
You don't want too much temperature - Marcus Wareing
It's been marinaded - Marcus Wareing
They've been marinading - Marcus Wareing
I like how it was sauced in the middle - Marcus Wareing
The cookery of the guinea fowl is outstanding - Marcus Wareing

There is much more in the pot, but you get the point.  Spare prepositions are sprinkled randomly into conversation, tautology is rife, and butter has to be in everything (according to Gregg).  Monica has toned down her eyebrow movements and facial expressions, passing the spare capacity to Gregg, who can scare kids at 1000 paces.  As he leers into the screen, Marcus models greasy hair and Monica toys with whether to wear her glasses or not.  It all takes far too long and I still struggle with the fact that chefs are routinely asked to do extra tasks, like cook in a famous restaurant for a famous chef whom no one knows, yet their efforts are not scored and no account of their efforts is taken in deciding who goes through to the next round.  I have nothing more to say, other than in respect of the unfortunate death of the word "dish".  It is now abused to cunting fuck, over used, and misused.  The knock on effect is that the once intriguing "Dish of the Day" term is sadly antagonistic.

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24.11.19 The Grand Old Duke Of York

It seems that not only is Prince Andrew now exposed as a more than dishonourable man, he has been shown to have no idea what counts as truthful.  Aside from his own actions and flaws, it seems he has continued to allow influence from his awful ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson and one of the two offspring.  Yes, as well as Amanda Thirsk, a misguided adviser who has in fact served the public so well in pressing Andrew to speak out via the BBC, both Beatrice and Sarah encouraged him and helped with the planning of the interview.  These two have ended up making positive contributions to the public's awareness of the Duke of York's deeds etc.  I normally bemoan the 'freeloading' that is permanently associated with all of the Yorks, but it now seems appropriate to highlight the help these two have given to the exposing of what needed to be exposed.

The knock-on effects of course includes the fallout for the other three Yorks.  Far from a 'clearing of the air' ahead of Beatrice's wedding, the outpouring of arrogance and up-his-own-arse-ness will most certainly cause a shrinking of the public's tolerance of them all (if having no effect on their actual feelings of entitlement).

Apparently Beatrice has been crying all week, in the aftermath of the interview and the public's reaction.  What about the tears of all of those coerced and abused by Epstein?  Far from putting all the rumours behind them, the interview has brought the house down.  The only conceivable outcome for the Royal Family is an amputation of the horrible foursome all together.

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23.11.19 The Chase

A 'celebrity' version of the chase today featured Natalie Cassidy.  I know; a stretch too far indeed.  Anyway, I was all set to be unimpressed, and I was suitably rewarded.  Sadly for the charity involved, her performance was weaker than I though humanly possible.  Her cash-builder round yielded a total of £2000.  The two questions she got right were Rio de Janeiro for the host of the games, and Jam for what could go in front of Tart and something else.  This from somebody who had claimed in the small talk beforehand that she liked quizes, and was quite good at general knowledge.  How the un-mighty fall.

The embarrassment might have (you'd think) toned down her verbal input and attitude for the further input.  But no - she was up her arse.  Her £2k on the board was added to with offers of £1k for a step lower, and £50k for a step nearer.  She went for the grand.

The questions were able to reveal her ongoing weakness, yet she goaded the Beast without just cause.  Scraping through with the £1k was deemed an achievement by no one in the studio other than Natalie.  Her smugness was nauseating.

3 of the 12 point total were gained by her, with Dave the cook getting the other 9.  Obviously they were caught in a minute.

Crap indeed.

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17.11.19 Three Labour Disasters

There are so very many Labour disasters which I could spout on about, but it would be rather pointless.  Better I give just a brief comment.

Instead of the official opposition being in the driving seat, and perfectly placed to expose the Tory Cunts for what they undoubtedly are, Labour is in disarray.  Corbyn is no doubt a nice chap, but he is in no way fit to be a 'leader' and all that such entails.  His fence sitting is quite utterly amazing, and of course misplaced.  His being at odds with other prominent figures in the party, at odds with official Labour Party policy and at odds with other parties, is all obvious - and well documented.  It is this situation that results in the overall result - he is failing so completely in his approach to presenting a party for the working classes. 

To his right, we have John McDonnell, a complete lunatic; enough said.  Then to his underside, we have Diane Abbott, the most useless minister-in-waiting that the country could wish for.  As a trio, they are simply awful, and to so many people, unelectable.  Removal of the trio would, with perhaps Kier Starmer as leader, would suddenly transform Labour (perhaps with an added nudge to dispense with Emily Thornberry) and give it a chance to contest head to head with Boris Johnson.

Sadly, Labour as a party is misguided, and actually, useless.  That is so sad - appalling in fact - and the consequences are dire for the country.  The Tory front bench is not of the same ilk at all, and collectively the ministers form a cunt-of-a-cabinet.  Lies, deceit, cuntism and greed are combined in a cocktail that is lethal.  The lack of a credible opposition will allow the Tories to walk all over ordinary people.  In the end, the cuntism will be exposed, but by then, it will be way too late, and the UK will have been fucked to the point of no return.

"Oh dear" is the understatement of the post-war times.

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17.11.19 The Worst Thing About Strictly

The Worst Thing About Strictly Come Dancing

13.11.19 Bake Off Kids

For anyone who has an opinion of The Great British Bake Off, step back and have a look at Junior Bake Off.  This is marvellous, and such an endorsement of the participants, and of course, Harry Hill.

These kids are wonderful/delightful, and the programme is head and shoulders above the adult version.

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11.11.19 The Mountain - ITV

This fucking programme gets off to such a shit start.  First, we are subjected to Joanna Lumley's breathy introduction about the programme being sponsored by some company or other, ahead of the voice-over bloke waffling. Then we have to endure prissiness that's a challenge and a half.

His scene-setting line is delivered in such a pompous way, and he uses a plural that is out-cunting-rageous.  Matthew Gravelle narrates, and comes out with the statement:

I've seen mountains in the Himalaya that look less dramatic.

Well, Mr Gravelle, Snowdon may be deserving of a compliment or two, but NOT if you're going to be pretentious.  The plural of Himalaya is only Himalaya if you are pompous and being a twat.

This follows hot on the heels of Sir David Attenborough who yesterday fucked me off with "Puma" as the plural of "Puma".  Yes, he's a national treasure, blah blah blah, but really!  "The puma are ...." is a disgrace.

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