19.8.19 Disabled - My Arse

Asda shopper pulls up, and takes the second nearest space to the entrance, reserved for blue badge holders.  I watched the driver enter the store, seemingly not disabled, and certainly not in possession of any blue badge that was on display. I suspected some cuntism was in play.

He's not alone - there is a constant stream of offenders, both in the Blue Badge bays, and the Parent and Child bays.  Asda makes zero effort to be bothered about who parks where, so no wonder its customers do not give a shit.

...

20.7.19 Kia Ceed Review

Lane Departure Warning System
Lane Keeping Assist-Line

I had no intention of reviewing the Kia Ceed (now written without an apostrophe, apparently) but circumstances determined that the hire company in Spain presented me with the Ceed 1.4 CVVT in bright blue, rather than the Vauxhall Astra that I was expecting.  As the rental arrangements are such that something 'similar' is allowed, I had to get to grips with an unfamiliar model.

Had I received an Astra, this post would clearly not exist.  I would know exactly what to expect with the Vauxhall, and it would be pointless to pass comments.  I suspect that the Goldcar system of allocating cars has a log that the Ceed is at least equal to an Astra, but I would like to suggest now that this is simply not the case.

The CVVT model (no idea what this stands for, and I have no intention of looking it up to clog my memory with useless information) is potentially linked to the numerous fucking extras and electrical features.  That's just a guess, but the dashboard and fucking cunting beeping rather bears that out.  The array of switches, lights and warnings (plus the Spanish screen that no doubt allows connection to my smart phone) are all of no interest to me.  There is one feature, however, that cannot be ignored at all; it is the car's weird mission to interfere with the steering and take control of the wheel.

I have spent nearly 40 years driving, and in all that time I have successfully managed to point the car in the right direction, and maintain control.  These days, motor manufacturers have decided that drivers are no longer adequately equipped to steer a cunting car.  Hence, the advent of (in Kia's case):

Lane Departure Warning System
Lane Keeping Assist-Line

This pair of programmes is a fucking nightmare.  I collected the hire car at 10.30pm, and setting off from the car park, I was reasonably confident.  But of course, I have no idea at that point of the subversive electrics that were lying in wait.

On the main road, I got up to speed, and various beeps were coming at me from somewhere on the dashboard.  Sadly, I did not have time to google a driver's manual for the Ceed (not one in the car) and read up on the version I was sitting in,  On the move, I became a bit concerned with every passing minute.  I felt like I was losing control of the vehicle at regular intervals. 

I stopped half hour in, to check the tyres, as I was concerned they were soft, and the cause of the veering and wavering that the car was displaying.  I realised then that there were factors beyond my control here - literally - and that I would have to get to grips with the car's features the next day.

Sure enough, the intrusive feature could be turned off,  Sadly, this was via the tap of a button which worked until the car ignition was switched off. So every time i started the engine, I had to hit this button.  This was made worse because the car would not let me open the boot with the engine running, or even with the fucking key in the ignition.  Further, the rear doors would not open either. Child safety locks prevented passengers letting themselves out, and any attempt by me to assist required the handbrake, stop the engine, remove the key and then get out to open the fucking door.  Then, in restarting, I had to remember to disable the steering shite.

The car is under-powered, and slight hills are more of a challenge than they should be.  All in all, I would suggest to any purchaser of the Ceed, (after first asking "why are you bothering?") to avoid all the gimmicks.  The lane Keeping/Departure crap is wholly disconcerting, and I would argue dangerous.  Rather the opposite to the intended outcome.

A final note relates to the advice I received en route to the airport at the end of my break.  I was minding my own business, the Lane Departure and Lane Keeping technology was of course disabled, and I was 50 minutes in on a journey that would take no more than 75 minutes.  The dashboard 'pinged' and in the small square, through the wheel, in the centre of the dash, I saw a picture of a steaming hot drink.  The message below suggested I might do well to consider a coffee break.  What the fucking fuck?  The picture and message disappeared after a few seconds, but I was prompted again when this shite was repeated after a further ten minutes.

...

13.6.19 Liz Truss - No Trust

I was unfortunate enough this week to be listening to Radio 4 when Liz Truss was being interviewed by John Humphrys.  I have rarely endured such a pathetic level of input from a politician.

Liz Truss was quite simply an embarrassment to herself, and decency, as she steadfastly refused to answer the questions posed, regarding Boris Johnson's suitability to hold the office of Prime Minister. This interview showed her to be a toadie and a cock-sucker indeed, as she lauded him, while repeatedly dodging the questions put to her.  She did nothing to remove any of the concerns over Boris and his suitability, and everything to confirm she is a complete twat.

This woman cannot be trusted to deliver any sort of decent, honest or valuable input.  I listened with disgust at this pointless studio presence, and the shit that was served to us in a nasal tone.  Fuck off, luv, if you cannot answer straightforward questions, and you clearly want a promotion.

For the record, anyone who believes that Boris Johnson is a fit and proper person to be the Prime Minister is deluded, crazy and a twat as well.  It is actually deplorable that the Tories are likely to have him in the last two for the race to PM, let alone likely to elect him.  The buffoon and liar is in no way a sensible choice.

...

7.6.19 Sign Writing Disasters

I have long been interested in sign writing approaches, and the variation on vans is massive.  Among the professional looking vans is a contingent that is quite simply embarrassing.  I have seen so many spelling mistakes, and issues where attention to detail is non-existent.  The latest example was clocked yesterday in an Asda car park.

This is laughable really. 

NON FERREOUS instead of NON FERROUS
GENARATE instead of GENERATE

Not to mention of course that Non-Ferrous and Petrochemical are not nouns like the others, and are thus grammatically inconsistent in this list of things the company "works in".

The best one last week was on a silver builder's van -

ALL BUILDING WORK UNDERTAKING

Double glazing companies are so often the culprits, and I've previously reported on things like:

SOFITS instead of SOFFITS
FACIAS instead of FASCIAS
GUTERING instead of GUTTERING

And there's the classic - NO JOB TO SMALL

...

2.6.19 Britain's Got Talent Winner

What a nice bloke.  I think that he has sung his three songs rather well in the last few weeks, and he does have a good voice for someone who is 89 years old.

BUT ...........

No way is he in possession of anything resembling 'talent', which I believed was the point of the show, and the purpose of all the auditions.  Unfortunately an old chap in a red uniform warbling is NOT someone who should be winning a talent contest.

If the aim was to pick a nice, safe, likeable chap to send to the Royal Variety Performance, then no one could better fit the bill.  Colin, tonight's winner, is undoubtedly a decent man with some passion and humility.  But how does this fit with the search for talent? 

I fear next year's search will be full of more nauseating dance troops, many school kids trying to emulate the Flakefeet kids, and far too many pets.  All pointless, though, because the winner will be someone that won't have much by way of talent.

...

2.6.19 Simply Be & JD Williams

The relentless adverts for Simply Be and JD Williams are missing the final word - "Fat".  I have deduced this after watching very large women wriggling and wiggling on screen, wearing clothes that allegedly make them look beautiful.  I am not disputing that these might be beautiful people, but their bodies are hardly so referred to.

"I'm an independent woman" is the main line that belts out of the TV as these big women try to convince other woman that they should but these garish garments from JD Williams.  I had never realised that independent is a synonym of fat.

I have no axe to grind here regarding the sale of clothing or the styles selected by/for women whose size is 20+, but I reject the notion that their wobbling on screen in this attire is attractive or worthwhile.  I feel I am being challenged not to discriminate, and to bow to this attempt to promote obesity as fine.  This is the same sort of approach as the "body positive" tag that is the alternative way of fat people determining that it's okay to beckon diabetes and a mobility scooter.

...

2.6.19 Mitchum Deodorant Issues

Watching television in the UK, I expect the cunts advertising their shit to be able to use the English language.  Unfortunately this product is a complete failure, and I will not be contributing to the Revlon Corporation's sales.

Triple Odor Defense

The three-word product has two words that are misspelled ! 

I appreciate that in the USA, viewers of adverts will accept this spelling, and not bat an eyelid.  But if UK television is to accept advertisers' pitches, I demand that they respect the language and stop this essential dumbing down, and morphing of the world into a swamp of mediocrity and poor standards.


Odour Defence
...